


Everything I don't deserve

by Julieseven



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mob, Angst, Even is an actual angel, Eventual Fluff, Happy Ending, Isak is a reluctant killer, Isak loses his parents at 12, Italian Mafia, M/M, Nightmares, Original Character Death(s), lonely Isak, nothing too graphic though, touch-starved Isak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-04-24 04:22:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 64,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14347866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julieseven/pseuds/Julieseven
Summary: Isak is a hitman for the Camorra, the mafia in Naples, Italy. One day he gets an assignment that changes his life: He’s supposed to kill a young guy who sells home-grown weed and is threatening his employer’s business. But from the moment Isak learns his target’s name, he knows that this job will change his life …





	1. A fateful assignment

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my darkest fic yet ... This idea was born from a late night walk home with a song by Paranoia in my ear. I suddenly saw Isak scaling the wall of a building dressed in black, hellbent on killing his target.
> 
> I have one person in particular to thank for this: Lily, @theusuallygoodstudent, one of your prompts started all this ... you'll know soon enough which one .. <3 THANK YOU for loving what I write, it's so so encouraging to have you! You're a true friend! <3
> 
> For the first time ever, I found some music that matches the story in a way. I mean, the idea was born from a song ... Don't be shocked, my taste in music is a bit weird. I do hope that the songs set the mood a bit.
> 
> You can find the full playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDrw-65csTDEJUDKYXWbMQvg2u9op4LfN)  
> The only exceptions are "Intro" and "What about" by Paranoia, which have never been on youtube, but I posted the links to the songs on my tumblr.
> 
> A big THANK YOU goes out to my army of betas!!
> 
> @Twinklylightseverywhere, Julia, without you I would still hate the first two chapters, but thanks to you I love them now! You helped me so much and made me laugh <3 I love your enthusiasm and am really really grateful for all your help!
> 
> @whovian123, Sarah, you're the most amazing motivator out there! Thank you so much for screaming at me and making me want to get this fic out two days earlier than planned, you're fantastic and I love you to bits!!
> 
> @wyoheartsmusic, Wyo I can't thank you enough for encouraging me to write this when I was worried that I can't write dark stuff! I love your writing and am so honoured that you appreciate mine <3 <3.
> 
> @vorfm95, my dear Marta, you're nothing short of amazing! You called me all kinds of names for not writing fast enough and I'm extremely grateful for it! Thank you for believing in me!
> 
> @evensdramaticshenanigans, Mack, you're my grammar guru, and you keep correcting my damn stupid mistakes with such patience, I can't even believe it. And after that hard work, you still love my writing and yell at me for it, which I love even more! I'm so so happy to have you! <3
> 
> @thelordvoldemort, Lulu you're so so good at randomly finding continuity errors or characterisation mistakes, I can't even tell you how much that means!! You're a freaking rockstar, thank you so so much!
> 
> and last but not least, @fluffygayprince, Lou you're amazing at finding sentences that are too long and suggesting perfect alternatives! And of course, you're a pro at motivating me when I'm close to giving up! I love you so so much <3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter One playlist
> 
> [Avalanche- Epica](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbTrjuQ3ktY)
> 
>    
> [Hold me down - Halsey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKnG2d9tZdU)
> 
>    
> [INTRO - Paranoia](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xwu4V8BA6I4&feature=youtu.be)
> 
>  
> 
> [In cold blood - Alt J](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rP0uuI80wuY)

It starts just like any other assignment: With a name.

 

“Anders Jensen,” Franco says in his low, drawling voice as he drops into the chair behind his polished oak desk. He and Isak are in the soundproof office in the back of a bar Franco owns, the same place where they always meet whenever Franco has a job for Isak. Leaning back in his chair, Franco goes on. “He got in our way one too many times, creeping on our turf with his home-grown weed.”

Nodding slowly, Isak sits down across from Franco, hoping that his face looks as indifferent, although he can suddenly feel his heartbeat in his ears. The name ‘Anders Jensen’ sounds Scandinavian, and somehow, Isak has a feeling that this guy isn’t just another scumbag dealer who ripped Franco off.

Straightening his leather jacket, Isak sits up a little straighter and clears his throat. “I see,” he says simply, accepting the small glass of grappa Franco puts down in front of him. From the first day, he knew that the less he said, the less trouble he would get into.

Franco raises his own grappa just as Isak does the same and clinks their glasses together. “The kid works in a café, so he’s easy to watch. Just … don’t kill him right in there, Angelo, the owner, is a friend of mine.”

 _The kid._ Franco says it like it’s no big deal, but to Isak this means that his target is most likely his own age or younger. That fact makes him feel a tad more uneasy than he already does due to his target’s distinctly non-italian name. Somehow it reminds him of the fact that he is still pretty young himself and shouldn’t be doing this kind of job in a country so far away from home.

No one here in Naples knows Isak is from Norway. Franco is one of the few people to whom he even gave a name, and it’s not his actual one.

Suddenly, Franco’s phone rings, making them both jump. Franco digs it out of his pocket, making a face when he sees the name on the screen. “I’ll be right back,” he mutters under his breath and gets up, leaving Isak alone in the office.

Sighing deeply, Isak leans back in his chair and suddenly finds himself wandering down memory lane.

_Isak was shipped off to live with his mother’s sister in a remote village somewhere in the apennine mountains after both his parents died in a car accident nine years ago. His aunt wasn't always kind to him, but they got along, although she barely spoke Norwegian. She did her best to teach him Italian, but nonetheless, the other kids in the village soon began bullying Isak for his bad Italian and for his scrawny looks._

_He quickly learned to defend himself, going on long runs on the mountain trails and practising martial arts moves he knew from the few movies his aunt had on VHS. He didn't become a pro, but since he got a lot of practice fighting kids at school, he soon knew enough to kick anyone's ass._

_By the time he was sixteen, no one would dare mess with Isak. Although he still had no friends, he was at least left alone because he could beat anyone to a pulp, even the taller kids at school. He was fast, strong, and never hesitated to hit anyone who so much as stared at him for too long._

_When Isak’s aunt died, so did the last remainder of Isak’s hope for a decent future. As a divorcee, his aunt had been an outcast as well, and no one cared about him when she was gone. The community helped him bury her, but after that, he was left alone._

_At that time, Isak was nineteen._

_After crying desperately in his room for an entire day, Isak packed up some of the supplies left in the house and started walking. He had always liked walking, and after a few days, a fighting spirit awoke in his chest, urging him onwards, although he had no idea where he was going or what he was going to do._

_He slept on benches at rest stops or under bridges, not wanting to spend the little money he still had on accommodation. And one night, about three weeks after he left his aunt’s village, he got into trouble._

_Isak was sleeping on a bench next to a rest stop by a highway when he suddenly awoke to the sound of loud screams coming from nearby. His eyes flew wide open and he jumped up, looking around. Following the screams, he soon saw a man dragging a woman with him. She was screaming and cursing at him, but he was evidently stronger than her, quickly moving off the parking lot into the shadows behind the little hut that housed a couple of toilets._

_For a moment, Isak considered just staying hidden. He was alone and didn’t really need any more trouble than he was already in. But then he heard the woman yelling at the man to let go of her and crying out in pain inbetween, and he decided he needed to do something._

_Soundlessly, Isak walked up to the man from behind, who was busy wrestling the woman to the ground while trying to tear her clothes off. She was doing her best to fight him, but her top was already torn to pieces and Isak’s heart pinched at the sight of the terrified expression on her face._

_“Get off me,” she screamed, but before the man could respond, Isak stepped closer and kicked the man’s thigh from behind. The man yelped in pain and whirled around on his knees, staring at Isak with a mix of anger and confusion._

_The man got to his feet and turned to face Isak, letting out a low growl. Isak brought his fists up in front of his face, ready to fight. “Welcome to the party, little man,” the guy grumbled with an evil grin at Isak. “ After watching you die there will be no fight left in her,” he added, pointing to the woman, who was slowly moving backwards until her back hit a tree, her expression still full of fear._

_Isak didn’t speak but merely shrugged, grinning back at the man. Having been in countless fights ever since he was a child, he wasn’t afraid. This was just another idiot who enjoyed hurting others for no particular reason. And although the woman’s attacker was considerably taller than Isak, he was also rather plump and moved slowly._

_The guy swung his fist at Isak, but Isak easily ducked out of the way and landed a punch in the man’s stomach, making him groan. This happened a few more times in similar fashion, and the more frustrated the woman’s attacker became, the more elated Isak felt._

_And that was his mistake._

_Because when he realised he couldn’t land a single punch, the man decided to switch tactics: He lunged forward as if to try and punch Isak again, but instead he closed both hands around Isak’s throat. Isak’s eyes flew wide open and he cursed himself internally for being so stupid._

_What the man lacked in agility, he certainly made up for in sheer strength, because Isak felt the air being squeezed out of him like juice out of an orange. Slowly starting to panic, Isak forced himself not to look into the man’s face but to check his surroundings for something to distract him with. Isak’s feet were dangling a few centimetres above the ground and he had no chance to just wiggle free. However, he spotted a knife holder at the guy’s belt, and he didn’t think twice before making his move._

_He pretended to reach for the man’s hips to push him away and then grabbed the knife instead. Luckily, it was easy to remove and Isak wasted no time ramming it into his assailant’s thigh._

_Howling in pain, the man let go of him and Isak quickly moved away, gasping for air. The knife was stuck in the man’s leg, but luckily Isak managed to pull it out before the man did it himself. Holding up the knife in front of his face, Isak watched the man warily, considering his options._

_But before he could come up with a plan, the man let out a wild growl and charged at Isak, catching him off guard. He evaded the knife and grabbed Isak around the waist, picking him up and evidently planning to throw him to the ground. But the man had no idea that Isak was used to fighting people who were stronger than him. That’s why it took Isak a mere split second to realise what the man was up to. Without thinking, he turned the knife over in his hand and rammed it into the man’s back._

_Isak’s attacker quietly gasped for air and then dropped to his knees. Freeing himself from the man’s loosening grip, Isak stared at the knife he had just put in him. He was no expert in human anatomy, but he was pretty sure he hit the man straight in the heart._

_Isak looked up at the woman, who was staring at the knife as unbelievingly as Isak, her breath coming in shallow heaves._

_The man fell face-first to the ground, the knife still stuck in his back. He took a few more shuddering breaths, groaning and writhing in pain, and only when Isak saw blood coming out from beneath the man’s chest, it finally hit him._

_He had just killed a man._

_His hands were shaking and he couldn’t take his eyes off the man lying on the ground, motionless. But to Isak’s surprise, he felt neither disgust nor regret at the sight. In fact, he was rather proud. He had just taken a life, protecting a stranger and himself. Besides, the guy was definitely going to kill both him and the woman, so it wasn’t like he had a choice._

_“Thank you,” he heard the woman pant suddenly, sounding shocked but also relieved._

_Isak looked up at her, surprised to see her smile weakly. “You okay?” he asked, trying to smile back at her._

_The woman nodded, her smile growing broader. “Thanks to you, yes.” She cleared her throat and then picked up her bag from the ground before hesitatingly stepping over the dead body and putting a hand on Isak’s shoulder. “I owe you my life. There have been quite a few rape-murders around here lately, and I think this is the guy.”_

_Her voice was calm, almost casual, which seemed odd considering what just almost happened to her. Still, Isak grinned and awkwardly patted her arm.  “You’re welcome.”_

_“Can I take you somewhere? I mean …” the woman chuckled shortly and looked down at her leather sandals before meeting Isak’s eyes again. “Forgive me, but unless you’re parked in the bushes over there, I have to assume you don’t have a car.”_

_“That obvious, huh?” Isak chuckled as well, looking down at himself. His torn white t-shirt and dirt-stained denim shorts made him look like a kid who ran away from home- which he was, technically. So even if there was another car except the would-be rapists and the woman’s in the parking lot, he couldn’t blame her for thinking he doesn’t own one._

_“I can take you to Naples, I live there,” the woman went on, winking at Isak while batting her eyelashes, and Isak felt his stomach turn. So far, women had only ever looked at him with either pity or disgust, and this woman’s obvious interest in him made him immediately uncomfortable._

_Still, he managed to nod and gave the woman a stiff smile. “Sure, that would be great, thanks.”_

_“I’m Eleonora, by the way,” the woman said then, holding out her hand to Isak. He shook it briefly and cleared his throat. But just when he was about to tell her his name, it struck him that it might be best if no one knew who he was. He had just killed someone after all, and the italian police weren’t exactly known for being very understanding when someone broke the law._

_“Gio,” he said, managing to look straight into Eleonora’s eyes as he said it, and he was glad to detect no trace of doubt in her expression. Gio was the name of one of his classmates, and Isak knew it could be used as an abbreviation for several names._

_“Well, thanks for saving me, Gio,” Eleonora giggled nervously and pointed to the centre of the parking lot at the same time as Isak gestured towards the bench where he had been sleeping._

_“I … gotta get my stuff,” he explained and Eleonora nodded understandingly. A minute later, Isak climbed onto the passenger seat of Eleonora’s car as she started the engine._

_“So, Gio,” Eleonora said once she drove onto the highway in direction of Naples, turning to him with a hesitant smile on her lips. “What brings you out here all alone?”_

_Isak took a deep breath and thought for a moment before answering. He wanted to leave his past behind and start over, so he might as well invent more than just a fake name. “My folks died last month and I have no one left, so … “ He trailed off, clearing his throat and looking at his knees to give the impression that he was still sad._

_“Oh no, that’s awful,” Eleonora said, sounding genuinely concerned. “No friends, no other family? I can’t imagine what that’s like.” She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before adding: “Where exactly are you from?”_

_“Florence,” Isak lied again. His Italian was good enough for his accent to pass as Fiorentini - his aunt had lived there before moving to the mountains and spoke the dialect, so he figured it would sound believable._

_“You sound like a Fiorentino,” Eleonora said and Isak almost let out a breath of relief. “So what are you up to now?”_

_Isak shrugged and gave Eleonora a queasy smile. “No idea. I just wanted to get … out of there.”_

_Eleonora nodded, pursing her lips. “I get that,” she said softly, and then it was quiet for a moment._

_Isak leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He couldn’t believe that a mere hour ago, he was sleeping on a bench, shivering from cold with no idea what he should do next. Sure, he still had no plan, but at least he was sitting in a comfortable, warm car seat, next to someone who owed him a favour._

_But just as it struck him that he couldn’t count on Eleonora actually helping him with anything, she cleared her throat, making him look at her again._

_“So, since I kind of owe you now … I should probably tell you that I know some people in Naples,” she began, eyeing Isak cautiously._

_Isak raised his eyebrows at her. “I figured, since you kind of live there,” he chuckled, waiting for her to go on._

_“I mean … what do you think we should do about the guy you … took care of?” Eleonora asked then and bit her lower lip._

_Isak shrugged and realised he truly didn’t care. There were no cameras at the rest stop, he and Eleonora were the only people who knew what happened, and his prints weren’t in any system anywhere, not even in Norway. So really, he had nothing to worry about, and he didn’t feel sorry for the man either._

_“He’s dead, no one except you and me knows how he died, so …” he said slowly, looking at Eleonora with what he hoped was a confident grin. “Who cares?”_

_Eleonora grinned back, nodding and briefly patting Isak’s lower arm. “That’s what I thought.” She then took a deep breath and sat up a little straighter before going on. “There are people in Naples who can use guys with … your skills. They … pay pretty well, too.”_

_That made Isak frown. “You mean like the mafia?”_

_“Shush!” Eleonora hissed, looking around as if she were suddenly worried that there was a third person in the car. “You can’t ever say that out loud, okay?”_

_“Sorry,” Isak winced, making a face, not sure what to think. Killing Eleonora’s would-be rapist was logical, it made sense, and he didn’t feel anything while doing it because that man was obviously a bad person. But he had a feeling that what Eleonora was suggesting wouldn’t always be about killing rapists and murderers. “So what exactly are you saying?” he asked then, making a point of looking out of the window to hide how nervous he suddenly felt._

_“I can introduce you to a guy. He’s my uncle, and I know he’ll definitely be … grateful for you saving my life.”_

_Eleonora suddenly sounded more like an HR director telling him about a job opportunity, but Isak was glad about that: somehow, it made the situation a little less weird._

_“Uh … okay … thanks, I guess,” he said then, giggling nervously._

_After that, neither Eleonora nor Isak spoke. A while later, Isak even fell asleep, although he didn’t sleep well: He dreamt of killing and being killed in various ways, and he was almost glad when Eleonora suddenly honked aggressively, making him jump._

_“Sorry, someone was in the way,” Eleonora panted, and when Isak’s eyes got used to the bright lights suddenly flooding the car, he realised they were in the middle of the city already._

_“No problem. Are we in Naples already?” Isak asked, rubbing sleep out of his eyes._

_“Yup. I hope you don’t think badly of me, but since you have nowhere to go I was thinking you could crash on my couch?” Eleonora giggled, and Isak smiled nervously at her._

_“That would be great, thank you,” he said and then bent down to check if his backpack was still there. He had learned to not trust anyone, not even kind strangers._

_About half an hour later, Eleonora parked her car outside an old but clean-looking townhouse and led Isak upstairs to a two bedroom apartment on the third floor. She handed him a woollen blanket and showed him where the bathroom was and before he knew it, he was alone in Eleonora’s living room, sitting on the couch and trying to make sense of what happened to him in the past few hours._

_It took Isak a long time to fall asleep, but when he finally did, he slept straight through. He woke up to the smell of coffee and the sound of Eleonora making breakfast, and before he even opened his eyes, Isak made a decision._

_There was a lump in his throat and he could feel his heartbeat in his ears, but he felt like he didn’t have another choice. It only struck him now that the moment he gave Eleonora a fake name, he left Isak Valtersen behind. His new alter ego already was a killer, and Isak didn’t believe that he was going to get another chance to make a living._

_So he sat up, cleared his throat and then got to his feet, joining Eleonora in the kitchen. “Good morning,” he said as cheerfully as possible, making Eleonora turn around with a warm smile._

_“Good morning. Are you hungry?” she asked, winking at him and pointing to the pan on the stove where a pair of eggs was sizzling, making Isak’s stomach grumble._

_“Yes, actually,” Isak said politely, trying to think of the best way to say what he had to say. “Uh, Eleonora?”_

_“Yeah?” she murmured, looking up at him curiously._

_Taking a deep breath, Isak cleared his throat. “I think … I want to talk to your uncle.”_

“Sorry about that,” Franco’s voice rips Isak from his thoughts, making him jump a little. “So where were we?” He plops down in his chair again, frowning slightly at Isak, trying to remember what they had been talking about before they were interrupted.

“You told me the guy is easy to watch,” Isak reminds him. “I’m sure I can get it done in about a week.” He struggles to keep his voice calm, something he’s not used to. Not anymore at least. For the past two years, he’s killed people for Franco every other week and it never so much as makes him flinch anymore. Sure, taking a life is the part of his job he hates, but the rest- the stake-outs, the lying in wait and the planning- is pretty exciting.

“Good,” Franco says, glowering at Isak. “You have _exactly_ a week to take care of that cockroach. I have a meeting set up with our supplier next Thursday and I need to be able to tell him we have no competition by then.”

Isak holds Franco’s gaze as he nods slowly. “Got it. I’ll call Martino when it’s done.”

Franco smiles contently and reaches out to shake Isak’s hand as they both get up. “Good. It’s always a pleasure doing business with you, Gio.”

“Same, Franco,” Isak replies with a forced smile and then turns to leave.

Franco doesn’t usually give him any more information about his target than a name. But Isak knows that while he talks to Franco, one of his goons slips a piece of paper under the door of Isak’s apartment. On it, Isak finds all the information Franco’s people can find out: the target’s full name, a photo, their work place, home address etc.

Usually, Isak looks forward to getting that info, to start planning everything. But today, he takes his time going home, stopping at a café for a cup of tea- he still hates coffee, even after living in Italy for over nine years- and doing unnecessary grocery shopping.

By the time he gets home, it’s almost dark outside and Isak’s heart is hammering in his chest. He sees the piece of paper the second he walks through his door, and his hopes of the guy at least being some ugly fuck with a face only a mother could love are instantly destroyed.

The first thought going through Isak’s head is that there is no way his victim is passing for an Italian. His name kind of suggests that already, but when Isak sees his picture, Isak is convinced that Anders Jensen is indeed Scandinavian.

The photo shows his target in full size, wearing light grey linen pants, black sneakers and a white dress shirt, standing outside what looks like a barber shop. He’s impossibly tall by the looks of it, and his wavy blonde hair is perfectly styled. But the worst part is that he’s laughing in the picture. His entire face is alight with joy, and it makes Isak’s heart jump in a way it hasn’t done in ages.

 _I am so fucked._ Isak thinks, trying to convince himself it’s just because his target isn’t an old fart and obviously from Northern Europe, just like him, and that this sudden reluctance to do the job he came to Naples to do has nothing to do with the guy’s beautiful hair or his evidently gorgeous hands…

Isak doesn’t sleep well that night, but when he gets up in the morning, his mind is made up: He is going to treat this assignment like any other job. Today he’ll start stalking his victim, watching him at his work place, and following him home to learn his routines.

He drinks a cup of tea and then puts on his favourite pair of pants- washed out skinny jeans- and a simple white t-shirt. On his way out, he picks up a pair of sunglasses from the dresser and then he’s already on his way to the little café where his target supposedly works.

The café is almost empty when Isak gets there, only two old ladies are sitting by the window, chatting away while sipping on their Cappuccinos. Isak picks a table at the back of the room from where he can observe everyone without being caught staring.

He’s barely sat down, when a deep, calm voice from beside him makes him jump.

“Good morning, what can I get you?”

Isak turns and almost gasps at the sight of his target standing in front of him. He’s even taller than he looked in the photo, and since he’s not laughing now, Isak finds himself staring right into the man’s beautiful ice blue eyes.

“Uh … a … green tea, please,” Isak finally stammers, clearing his throat.

“Tea? I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone order tea in here,” the guy wonders, raising an eyebrow at Isak. “You’re not from around here, are you?”

The tone of his voice is teasing, but Isak still stiffens at his target’s words. _How the fuck does he know?_ “Uh, no, from Florence,” he says, sitting up a little straighter and taking off his sunglasses. It’s not like he needs them in here, but he usually keeps them on to stay inkognito while on a stake-out. But somehow, he just needs to get a better look at this gorgeous man in front of him.

“Oh, I love Florence! I’ve only been once, but I’d definitely go there again.” Isak’s target is definitely much more of a morning person than Isak is, and that’s not one of the things Isak has to find out about him.

Then again, Isak never usually goes inside the place where his target works either… so what, he’s going to change things up for once. Clearing his throat, he leans back in his chair and gives the guy his most confident smile. “I see, you’re a man of good taste,” he says slowly, winking at the man, who laughs shortly and nods appreciatively at Isak.

“Thanks, you too. I have to admit I am quite fond of tea myself.” He looks into Isak’s eyes for a moment and then holds out his hand to him. “I’m Anders, by the way.”

“Gio,” Isak says and then he does something else he usually never does: He touches his target before killing him. Shaking the man’s hand and looking into his eyes, Isak knows he’s definitely, irrevocably and totally fucked.

  
Because the moment his target’s warm hand clasps his own while they’re still staring at each other, Isak stops seeing him as a target and begins to see him as a person.

A person he is going to have to kill in less than a week.


	2. Complications and an ultimatum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to Isak's past followed by preparations for the kill.
> 
> Chapter playlist:
> 
>  
> 
> [Broken People - Logic & Rag'n Bone Man](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9zRQijCN5wBroken%20people%20-%20Logic%20and%20Rag%E2%80%99n%20Bone%20Man)
> 
>  
> 
> [One Love - Bob Marley](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PDdCmJ84LI)
> 
>  
> 
>  [What about - Paranoia](https://youtu.be/wrsHkWIt0uY)

_Isak always knew he liked boys. He knew from the moment he caught himself staring at his best friend Jonas’s naked chest when they went swimming in the Oslo Fjord together for the first time at age twelve. That was a week before his parent’s accident, so Isak didn’t even have a chance to figure out what his feelings meant before his world was turned upside down._

 

_His parents had never been really important to Isak. They fought most of the time, about everything and nothing, barely paying attention to their son at all. Isak’s father was a drunk and his mother was extremely religious, going to church almost every day. Most of Isak’s conversations with her revolved around why he never accompanied her to church and if he was praying daily._

_Isak himself never really believed in God. The icy relationship he had with his parents as well as the fact that his mother was unhappy in spite of her faith was enough to convince him that God didn’t care about him, if he existed at all. He hated sitting in church next to his mother, listening to the priest ranting about all the evil in the world, and he hated hearing his mother quoting random bible verses throughout the day, at every occasion. Although she sometimes quoted the bible to encourage Isak or to comfort him, most of her favourite verses were about being obedient and ‘not straying’ from God’s path._

_Thankfully, Isak’s father didn’t approve of his mother dragging him to church all the time, so whenever Isak was fast enough to make up an excuse- mostly he claimed he was meeting Jonas and the boys- he didn’t have to go._

_But that wasn’t the only reason why Isak was grateful to have his friends. They were his real family, the people he felt most comfortable with and who accepted him the way he was._

_Mahdi, Magnus, Jonas and Isak were inseparable from the day they met in elementary school. They spent almost all of their spare time together, either on the playground playing football or in Jonas’s room playing FIFA and other video games. And sometimes, when things at home were so bad Isak couldn’t sleep there, Jonas’s parents allowed him to sleep over, and thankfully they never asked too many questions._

_On the day the police came to Isak’s house to tell him his parents were dead, Jonas was there with him. They were taking advantage of the fact that Isak’s parents had gone shopping for a new couch at Ikea to steal snacks from the pantry and watch TV. When the two officers gave them the news, Isak just stood there, frozen in shock, for what felt like hours._

_He was vaguely aware of Jonas answering the officer’s questions while carefully ushering him to the living room and making him sit down. Jonas called his parents then, who came to get them both and that night, Isak didn’t sleep a wink. He stared at the ceiling all night, trying to grasp what it meant that his parents were dead._

_The next morning, a strange man in a suit stood in the Vasquez’s hallway, claiming to be Isak’s mother’s lawyer and that everything was going to be alright. He sat Isak down at the table in the living room and told him that he was going to move to live with his aunt in Italy. Anna-Lena was his mother’s sister, and Isak’s mother had requested in her will that Isak live with her in the case of her and her husband dying._

_Jonas and Isak both started crying when it dawned on them what that meant, but the man insisted that it was best for Isak to stay with ‘family.’ Isak tried to explain that he had only met Anna-Lena a few times and didn’t really know her and that Jonas was more important to him than family anyway. Jonas’s parents tried to reason with the lawyer, and even with Isak’s aunt when she came to pick him up, but it was no use. Anna-Lena saw it as her “mission from God” to take Isak in, since she hadn’t been there for her sister when she was still alive, and she assured him that he would love ‘country life’ in the apennine mountains._

_Isak would never forget the day he had to leave. Magnus and Mahdi came over to Jonas’s place so the four of them could spend Isak’s last weekend together. Jonas’s mother cooked Isak’s favourite food and let the boys stay up as long as they wanted. They spent the entire two days trying to cheer each other up and making plans they knew would never be put into action._

_On Sunday morning, it was time to say good-bye and Isak’s friends locked him in a group hug while trying very hard not to cry._

_“We’ll call you,” Jonas promised, steadily holding Isak’s gaze to let him know he was serious._

_“We’ll come visit,” Magnus added, wiping a tear from his eye while trying to smile._

_“You’ll be okay,” Mahdi croaked, and the sad look on his face made Isak tear up again._

_He then threw his arms around Jonas one last time. “I’ll come back,” he whispered into his best friend’s ear. “I have to.” He felt Jonas nod at his shoulder and when he finally stepped back to get into the taxi where his aunt was waiting for him, Isak didn’t bother holding back the tears. He cried silently while the car drove away, yet he still waved and smiled at his friends until he couldn’t see them anymore._

_Once they arrived in Italy, Isak soon found out that his aunt had taken “precautions” to make sure he couldn’t keep in touch with his old friends: She only had one telephone, which she kept in her bedroom and forbid Isak from using. And when Jonas had asked for an address so they could at least send Isak letters since she didn’t have a computer, she had made one up._

_“You’ll love it here once you leave everything behind that was a part of your life in Norway,” she insisted when Isak yelled at her, calling her names and crying desperately. “It only hurts to remember, Isak,” Anna-Lena said over and over again, trying to pull Isak into her arms, but he just hit her until she let him go and then ran to lock himself in his room._

_Isak hated Anna-Lena for betraying him, not agreeing with her attitude at all. And of course he tried to call Jonas at the earliest opportunity. It was one afternoon about a week after he and Anna-Lena arrived from Norway, when he thought his aunt was going grocery shopping. But she came back because she’d forgotten her wallet and caught him dialling Jonas’s number. From then on, Anna-Lena locked her bedroom door and made sure Isak never got into her room again._

_Isak cried himself to sleep for many nights after that, and he hardly spoke to his aunt, feeling completely and utterly alone. After a while, he got a grip on himself. There was nothing he could do to change his situation anyway, so he might as well make the best of it, he thought._

_Isak never forgave Anna-Lena, but eventually, he learned to live in peace with her. In spite of her strange convictions, his aunt was a kind person who did her best to make her house a home for Isak. She had lived alone since her husband had divorced her to marry a younger woman, supposedly because Anna-Lena couldn’t give him children. As a consequence, she became an outcast to whom no one spoke more than absolutely necessary. But Anna-Lena was too stubborn to leave the village she had called home ever since she got married forty-five years prior._

_Apart from the relative peace in Anna-Lena’s home, Isak hated life in the village. He had to walk for almost an hour to get to school, since the village didn’t have one. The language wasn’t much of a problem since his mother had spoken Italian to him quite often, but the other children still bullied him because he had an accent, and also because he was pale and skinny. “Cheese boy,” they called him, and during his first year, Isak cried almost every day on his way home from school._

_He never had a crush on a boy again. The closest he ever got to falling in love was when he sometimes allowed himself to watch his classmates play basketball after school. Isak enjoyed watching their naked arms flex and stretch, but he never looked for too long. He didn’t need another reason to be bullied._

_The only upside to being an outcast in the village was that no girls ever showed interest in Isak. When he got to Naples however, things changed._

_Eleonora kept her word and introduced Isak to her uncle only two days after she and Isak arrived. Franco received Isak in the back office of a bar he owned, flanked by two men in suits and smoking a cigar. He eyed Isak from head to toe for at least a minute before asking who he was._

_Isak had already gotten used to the name “Gio” so he repeated the story he had told Eleonora two days before. Franco listened attentively, watching Isak with wary eyes and when he was done, he said that saving Eleonora’s life was enough to earn Isak a spot in Franco’s ‘famiglia’. Before he dismissed him however, he asked if Isak was interested in dating his niece, and Isak was glad he didn’t have to lie. Franco’s expression clearly showed that there was only one right answer to that question: No._

_Much to Isak’s chagrin, Eleonora had tried to flirt with him a few times, since they had arrived. She even suggested that Isak sleep in her bed instead of the couch on the second night. Isak had panicked, almost stumbling over his own feet while stuttering that he was an uneasy sleeper and a snorer. Thankfully, Eleonora had left it at that._

_But being able to tell her that Franco didn’t approve of the idea of him and her hooking up was all Isak needed to keep her off his back for good._

_He wasn’t so lucky with other girls though. After his first kill for Franco- he stabbed a dealer who had been overcharging Franco’s clients to make more money for himself- Isak left Franco’s office to find a blonde girl in a red dress waiting for him. Two of Franco’s goons took them both to what turned out to be Isak’s new apartment, sponsored by Franco himself. Isak soon found out that the girl's family owed Franco a debt and that’s why she was ‘hired’ as one of Franco’s prostitutes. She was beyond relieved when Isak told her he was too tired to have sex with her anyway and suggested they just go to sleep._

_However, Isak had a feeling that Franco’s men would be watching him to make sure he actually spent the night with the girl, and he was right: The next morning, he spotted two guys in suits sitting outside the café opposite the house, unsuccessfully trying to seem inconspicuous._

_From then on, Isak made sure to regularly hook up with the women Franco put in front of him. He hated every second of kissing them and having them give him blowjobs, but he was glad that he was at least able to avoid having sex with them._

_But then, about half a year after he started working for Franco, Isak realised that Franco’s guys were starting to talk about him and the fact that he never slept with the girls. Isak had been right in assuming that there were no real secrets in the mob world: the girls as well as the guys who drove them around very obviously didn’t only report to Franco but also spread rumours about everything they saw. And when he heard Leonardo say to Antonio that ‘men who don't regularly sleep with women are definitely gay’ with a sideway glance at Isak, it was clear he had to do something. Being different wasn't healthy in the mob world._

_So, one thing led to another, and eventually, Isak lost his virginity to a sweet, shy girl named Sofia with short dark hair and kind eyes. For her, it was the first time she was alone with a man, and Isak could tell she was as terrified as he was. Sofia was afraid that the next guy Franco was going to ‘lend’ her to was going to be rough with her, and she trusted Isak to be gentle. So in a way, they both did each other a favour, which was the only reason Isak could go through with actually having sex with a woman._

_Sofia became the only person Isak felt somehow close to after that. He didn’t confide in her, neither about his sexuality nor about his job, although she definitely knew what he did for Franco. But he spent more time with her than with anyone else, mostly because of an unspoken agreement they had: After that one time they slept together, she never asked Isak to have sex with her again, and she sometimes saved him from other girls who tried to hit on him by claiming he had already booked her. She told him she didn't care why he doesn't want to have sex, and that to her, it just meant that he was a kind gentleman who truly cared about her. In turn, Isak also claimed he wanted Sofia for the night whenever he heard that Franco was planning to lend her to another one of his goons._

_But although it felt nice to sleep next to Sofia from time to time, Isak never felt attracted to her. He didn’t feel anything when she kissed him or when she watched him with a gentle smile on her face. And when that hadn’t changed after more than a year, Isak was convinced that no matter where he was, he would always be alone._

The second Anders disappears into the kitchen to prepare his order, Isak gets up and bolts out of the café. He runs almost the entire way back to his apartment and once he’s thrown the door shut behind him, he sinks to the floor with his face in his hands, struggling to breathe.

_Why the fuck did you go in there? That’s not how it’s done and you know it. Are you a fucking bloody beginner or what?_

He can still see Anders’s face before his inner eye. Just the memory of the beautiful, genuine smile he gave him makes Isak’s heart jump again, and he wishes he could cut the offending organ out of his chest.

It takes Isak a full ten minutes to get a grip of himself before he can get up again. He runs a hand through his hair and then sits down at his dining room table, pulling Anders’s profile towards himself. He doesn’t look at the photograph, but scans the written information below, as if he hadn’t already memorised it.

 _Full name:_ _Anders Jensen_

 _Nationality:_ _unknown_

 _Profession:_ _waiter at Di Angelo’s Café in Via Vicaria vecchia_

 _Home address:_ _unknown_

Isak finds it strange that none of Franco’s people found out that Anders’s name is Scandinavian. But then again, it might be that Anders lies to people about his identity, just like Isak himself, for whatever reason. He could be Swedish, American, or English for all Isak knows.

Letting out a long breath, Isak shakes his head and gets to his feet, walking over to the window to get some air. He’s going to have to get over himself and start planning. A week isn’t much time, particularly because he doesn’t have much information on Anders. Not for the first time, Isak wonders if Franco sometimes holds back some intel, just to fuck with Isak.

That doesn’t matter though. Isak clears his throat and then sits down at the table again, reaching for a notebook and a pen. He can do this. Just like any other job.

________________________________________________________________________

The next few days fly by while Isak finds out more and more about Anders. Stake-outs are his favourite part of the job, and he’s good at it. Isak finds out that Anders always goes shopping in a variety of small shops in the neighbourhood where he works and lives. It’s frighteningly easy for Isak to learn Anders’s routines; By the end of the third day, he already knows Anders’s typical day by heart.

In the morning, Anders leaves the house at seven o’clock sharp and starts work half an hour later. He takes his lunch break at around noon, either eating a sandwich from the café he works at or having a plate of pasta at the restaurant across the street. Anders’s shift ends at four o’clock, after which he goes back home to change and then does a tour of his neighbourhood to sell some of his weed or just to talk to people. And after that he goes back home to cook himself dinner- sometimes spontaneously inviting a neighbour or someone he ran into on the street to join him. He tends to sing while cooking, always a bit out of tune, but sounding blissfully happy.

Watching him interact with people all day, Isak finds it hard to think of Anders as just another dealer. He smiles kindly at everyone he talks to, and Isak catches pieces of conversations that make it clear that Anders actually cares about these people.

“How is your wife?” Anders asks a bearded man in a dark blue suit who looks tired and relieved at the same time when he nods at Anders.

“Much better. This,” he holds up the little bag of weed Anders just gave him, “has been helping with the pain. Thank you.”

“Any time. I’m growing something new that might work even better,” Anders tells the man and pats his shoulder before they part ways again.

On the third day, Isak is following Anders home, hoping he won’t take too many detours this time, when suddenly, Anders’s phone rings. Isak freezes as Anders stands still and digs the phone out of his pocket. Leaning his back against a lamp post, Isak holds his breath to listen closely.

Anders clears his throat and then raises the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

Isak is standing at least five metres away, but either the volume of his target’s phone is turned up all the way or whoever is calling him has the loudest voice in the universe, because he can hear their greeting without having to concentrate.

“ _Ee-ven_ ,” the voice at the other end yells, almost making Isak’s victim drop his phone.

“Elias, for fuck’s sake,” he curses in Italian, holding his phone at an arm’s length for a moment. Isak almost has to fight a giggle, but then it suddenly hits him:

Whoever is on the phone with his target, they call him Even. Not Anders.

Isak's target hangs up the phone with a deep sigh, but Isak hardly notices. His heart is suddenly beating so fast he’s afraid it’s going to jump out of his chest. Even isn’t just another Scandinavian name. It’s a rather common name in Norway.

Isak's head starts spinning when he realises what that means. He’s supposed to kill someone who most likely comes from his home country. It doesn’t exactly help that Even is probably the most beautiful man he’s ever seen- not that Isak would ever admit that- and that he very obviously doesn’t deserve to die. Isak knew that from the moment he shook his hand, but now that he’s pretty sure that they have the same home country, he feels even worse.

By the time Isak comes to his senses, Even has already turned the corner to his street, and Isak knows that if he follows him now, he’ll do something stupid, like- talk to him or watch him cook himself dinner again. It’s not like he needs more reasons not to go through with the kill. So he turns on his heels and almost runs down the street in direction of his apartment.

Isak has barely closed the door of his home behind himself when the old rotary dial phone starts ringing. The shrill sound makes Isak jump, and he wonders who the hell even has this number.

Hurrying across the hallway, he picks up the receiver and brings it to his ear. “Yes?”

“How close are you?” Franco asks in lieu of a greeting, making Isak frown. His boss never calls him, and he never asks how an assignment is going. Isak can’t think of a reason why he would.

“Pretty close,” is all he says in response. Isak has never liked talking about what he does for a living, not even to Franco. The deed itself is horrific enough, plus talking about it on a phone is risky anyway. Who knows who could be listening.

“Good. You have until the day after tomorrow,” Franco says, and Isak almost gasps.

“I thought you said a week?”

Franco grunts impatiently. “The meeting got rescheduled, it has to be done by Tuesday afternoon.”

“Fine,” Isak says, doing his best to sound annoyed, although his heart is suddenly in his throat. “I’ll get it done.”

Franco only grunts in response and hangs up. He's obviously not in a good mood and Isak knows that whenever that's the case, his boss is even more unforgiving than usual.

But for once, Isak isn't worried about Franco’s mood. He's worried that he won't be able to pull it off. Even lives on the third floor and it's not warm enough yet for him to sleep with an open window….

Shaking his head, Isak hangs up the receiver and trots across the hallway to his bedroom. These aren't complications at all, not for him. Isak is a good climber and there isn’t a single window in Naples he can’t open soundlessly and in a matter of seconds.

Isak plops down on his bed and thinks he might as well call it an early night when there is a knock at the door. He frowns and gets to his feet again. No one usually visits him here, he doesn’t talk to his neighbours, and Franco just called him so…

Opening the door, Isak gasps at the sight of Sofia. She’s never been here before, but that’s not why seeing her shocks Isak: Sofia is only wearing a blue nightgown under her black coat, and she’s sporting what looks like a serious black eye. She’s crying and throws herself into Isak’s arms after staring at him for a few seconds.

“I’m so sorry, Gio,” she stammers, clutching onto Isak’s shoulders as he leads her inside and closes the door behind her.

“Shush, amore, what is it?” Isak murmurs into her hair, gently caressing Sofia’s back while waiting for her to calm down.

“I was ... with Emilio just now,” Sofia finally gets out, her face still burrowed into Isak’s neck. Isak’s blood freezes in his veins at her words, but he manages to keep stroking her back anyway. Emilio is one of Franco’s men, a particularly violent fellow. Making a mental note to find a reason to punch him the next time they meet, Isak kisses Sofia’s hair as she goes on.

“He … he hit me when I said you’re Franco’s best … you know, and when I asked what the hell that was for …” Sofia bursts into tears again, wrapping her arms tightly around Isak’s shoulders.

When her breathing finally slows down a bit, she clears her throat and moves back to look into Isak’s eyes. “He said that after tonight, you won’t be anything anymore. I told him that you were on an assignment at the moment, but Emilio just laughed, saying that Franco had called you tonight, as a last warning.” Sofia purses her lips, her eyes still swimming with tears. Isak stares back at her, hanging on her every word. He knows Franco has been upset with him lately because he’d refused to help his godson become a killer, and also because he still doesn't use guns for his kills. Franco thinks that for people to know without a doubt a kill is the work of the mafia, there has to be a gun lying next to the body.

They have their disagreements, but Franco has always respected Isak’s choices of how he does his job. So it never occurred to Isak that his boss would set him up like that.

Sofia is watching Isak with wary eyes, but when he doesn’t say anything, she goes on. “Emilio says that Franco doesn’t like that you don’t act like a proper killer. He thinks you will betray him eventually. So …” She takes a deep breath and swallows hard, closing her eyes for a moment. “Anders Jensen will be dead by morning. And if it isn’t you who kills him, so will you, according to Emilio.”

Sofia’s voice is shaking and she doesn’t wait for her words to sink in before throwing her arms around Isak again. This time, he doesn’t hug her back. He should have known. Franco never calls. That’s something he reserves for making threats to people he plans to have killed. He has Martino or Leonardo make his business calls, always joking that when people hear his voice, he wants them to know it means they will die.

How could Isak think that he was an exception? Just because Franco hired him?

“Please tell me you know enough to do it tonight,” Sofia sobs at Isak’s shoulder, her arms coiling around his middle again. “I don’t want you to die.”

Clearing his throat, Isak gently disengages himself from her and takes both her hands in his. “I have everything I need,” he reassures her, trying to smile.

“Oh thank God,” Sofia sighs, grabbing Isak’s face in both hands and pressing a kiss to his lips. “Can you … come to my place afterwards?”

Isak smiles softly at her and nods, trying to appear as calm as possible while his mind is racing. “Sure,” he tells Sofia and she lets out a short laugh before kissing him again.

“See you later then,” she whispers, leaning her forehead against Isak’s and looking into his eyes.

“Yes,” Isak says simply, and he feels bad that he can’t reciprocate a smidge of the feelings Sofia obviously has for him. But all he feels when she kisses him again is that her lips and face are wet from crying, and he’s glad when she’s finally out the door again.

He listens to Sofia running down the stairs and onto the street, and only when his apartment is silent again does it really hit Isak what just happened.

Franco wants him dead. One way or the other. But he can buy himself some time by taking care of his assignment tonight. Once that is done, he should have at least a day to pack some belongings and find a way to leave the city. He has no idea where to go or what to do, but he knows he doesn’t want to die just yet.

Going back to his room, Isak changes into all black clothes. Tight black jeans, a black long-sleeved shirt, and a black buff scarf that can double as a face mask if needed. By the time Isak slips his feet into a pair of black sneakers, he’s in full “Gio” mode already. Gio isn’t just his cover, it’s also the only part of him capable of doing his job. Isak Valtersen isn’t a killer, but Gio very much is.

Isak ties his knife belt around his waist, pulling the knife out to check if it’s clean and sharp enough. Then he grabs his coat from the hanger at the back of his bedroom door and puts it on. He briefly stops in front of the mirror to check if he looks like just any other normal guy who takes an evening walk before leaving his apartment and heading to the neighbourhood where Even lives.

On the way, Isak struggles to keep his thoughts away from everything he’s learned about his victim. And by the time he’s standing in the backyard of Even’s building, his head is full of images of Even’s smile, his kind eyes, and beautiful laugh.

Taking a deep breath, Isak shakes off the distracting thoughts and checks if anyone is watching. He’s all alone, and he can see that Even’s bedroom window is cracked open and the lights are off. Everything is as it should be.

Isak scales the wall in less than a minute, and before he climbs onto Even’s window sill, he stops for a moment to listen. The deep breathing coming from the inside of the room makes Isak smile. Even’s asleep, even snoring slightly. He won’t see it coming.

Climbing soundlessly into the room, Isak can’t resist to look around. Even’s bedroom is small but cosy. The big wooden wardrobe and the green armchair in the corner are both typically Italian, as well as the massive desk right next to the door. Books and pieces of paper are neatly stacked on the desk as well as on the nightstand, and Isak grins at the sight of several empty coffee cups on a dresser next to the desk. If Isak had to guess, he'd say Even is an exchange student from somewhere in Europe, living in the upstairs apartment of his landlady’s house.

Isak shakes his head, trying to focus on the task at hand. His target is sleeping soundly on the king size bed right next to the window, oblivious to the intruder in his room. Slowly, Isak pulls the knife from his belt and steps closer. Even's blanket is wrapped around his waist and he’s sleeping on his side, so his neck is exposed. Perfect.

Taking a deep breath, Isak bends over the bed and raises the knife.


	3. Midnight confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak isn't quite sure what to do next ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter playlist
> 
> [Radioactive - Imagine dragons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktvTqknDobU)
> 
>  
> 
> [Murder - Within Temptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDKBeSMEBlk)
> 
>  
> 
> [And we run - Within Temptation feat. Xzibit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awvqIi427_A)
> 
>  
> 
> [I walk the line - Halsey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qjl4lysi_s)

Standing motionless at the edge of the bed, Isak scans Even’s neck, trying to find his carotid artery. But somehow, he gets distracted by a strand of blonde hair lying across Even's throat, and his gaze flits upward to his face.

He looks even more beautiful in his sleep than when he’s awake. Unable to stop himself, Isak lets his eyes wander from Even's long neck up to his chin and onwards to his high cheekbones, wondering how a man this tall can look so delicate and soft when he sleeps. And then Isak notices a small birthmark right below Even’s collarbone that looks like a little star, and it reminds him of his realisation that Even most certainly doesn’t deserve to die.

_What the fuck are you doing?_

Isak looks at the knife in his hand. He’s still holding it up, ready to slash Even’s throat, but suddenly, he feels overwhelmingly disgusted with himself. How could he even think of killing someone like Even? Why did he ever kill _anyone_? Isak can’t remember anymore.

The knife falls to the floor with a loud clutter, but Isak hardly notices. Tears are clouding his vision and his hands are shaking. He feels as if someone has just slapped him to make him come to his senses after being drugged. He doesn't want to be a killer. He never did.

Slowly, Isak bends down to pick up the knife and puts it back in the holder. Taking a deep breath, he wipes his face and then kneels down next to Even's bed, knowing exactly what to do next, although he has no idea what comes afterwards.

“Even,” Isak says softly, his heart thumping loudly in his chest. He reaches out a shaking hand to hesitantly touch Even’s naked upper arm, shivering at the contact. “Wake up,” he says, a little louder now.

Even begins to stir, groaning quietly, but his eyes are still closed. “One more minute, mamma,” he murmurs then, and it takes Isak a moment to realise Even isn’t speaking Italian. His heart nearly jumps out of his chest and he almost lets out a sob.

Norwegian. Even just spoke in Isak’s mother tongue. “I’m sorry, I’m not your mother, Even. But you still need to wake up,” Isak says, speaking Norwegian for the first time in over nine years while fighting tears.

At that, Even’s eyes fly open and he stares at Isak, first with annoyance which quickly turns into recognition once he's blinked the sleep out of his eyes. “Gio? Is that you?” he asks in Italian, blinking a few more times as if he’s not sure whether he’s awake or still dreaming.

Isak hesitates for a moment, but just when he’s about to tell Even that yes, it is him, Even sits up abruptly and points a finger at Isak. “What the hell are you doing here? How did you get in?” he calls out, tearing his arm from Isak’s grip. Isak’s hasn’t even realised he’s been clutching on to Even, but he doesn’t have time to dwell on that now.

Clearing his throat, Isak looks straight into Even’s eyes before answering in Norwegian. “I can’t … we have to get out of here, Even, I’ll explain everything. Please believe me. There are people coming to kill you.” Isak tries to sound as calm as possible, but with every word he says, Even’s blue eyes open wider until Isak is worried they’ll fall out of his head.

“What are you talking about? How do you know my name? Why do you speak Norwegian? Who … who would want to kill me, and why?” Even asks, switching to Norwegian as well, his voice getting louder with every question. He’s moved away from Isak while speaking, so now he's sitting almost at the other end of the bed, the look in his eyes a mix of confusion and fear.

“I speak Norwegian because I’m from there, but I can’t explain now. We have very little time, there could be someone bursting through that door any minute. Please, Even, you have to pack some stuff and come with me.” Isak is pleading now, holding Even’s gaze and hoping against all odds that Even will believe him. He hasn't thought this through, but he guesses that whoever Franco is sending to kill them both will come here first and then go to Isak’s place if they don't find Even here.

Even’s expression is unreadable. He pulls up his legs still covered by the blanket, crossing his wrists on top of his knees while scanning Isak’s face. “You said your name was Gio,” he says finally, pursing his lips. “That’s not true, is it?”

Isak sighs deeply and shakes his head without taking his eyes off Even. “No. As little as your name is Anders.”

“Well, how about you tell me your real name for starters, since you already know mine?” Even demands, his tone hard and unforgiving, and Isak can’t blame him. After all, Isak did just climb into his bedroom in the middle of the night and scared the fuck out of him.

Taking a deep breath, Isak closes his eyes for a second. He doesn’t want to lie to Even, but he’s very much aware that what he’s about to do will effectively end his double life. “Isak. My name is Isak,” he says quietly, feeling his heartbeat in his throat. He’s just blown his cover, but the slight smile tugging at Even’s lips gives him hope that it wasn’t in vain.

“You look like an Isak,” Even murmurs, his voice a little softer now. Clearing his throat, he raises an eyebrow at Isak and wraps both arms tightly around his legs. “But how do you know my real name? And why are you so sure that … someone wants to kill me?”

 _Shit._ Isak didn’t think about that when he woke Even up. Looking down at his hands for a moment, he considers making up a lie, telling Even that he’s with the police or something. But when his eyes meet Even’s again, he can’t bring himself to do it.

So Isak takes a deep breath and forces himself to keep looking at Even when he replies. “I spied on you tonight when you got that phone call, that’s how I know your name,” he answers the easier question first, and Even rolls his eyes.

“Elias, fucking hell,” he sighs, and then looks into Isak’s eyes again, silently urging him to go on.

Taking another deep breath, Isak lowers his voice to a whisper. “I was spying on you because I was supposed to be the one to kill you.”

A ringing silence follows Isak’s words, and for a moment, neither he nor Even moves a muscle. Isak expects Even to scream at him, to hit him or to throw him out of the window. But when he finally does move, Even just lets out a long breath and stretches his legs, frowning at Isak. “Why didn’t you?” he asks, and the pain in his voice makes Isak suck in a breath. He expected Even’s anger, his fear, but he didn’t anticipate Even to be disappointed in him.

Swallowing hard, Isak looks down at his hands, balling them into fists. “Your name… when I heard it I was almost sure you’re from Norway too,” he whispers, not daring to look up at Even. “And you’re… not just another asshole dealer. I just… couldn’t.” Isak’s voice breaks and he can’t say anything else. If he tells Even that he sounded and looked like home from the moment they met, Isak is going to break down right here, in his would-be victim’s bedroom.

“Look at me.” Isak hears Even’s voice as if from far away, his tone so soft Isak looks up at him in surprise.

Even is watching Isak warily, but at the same time he looks almost concerned. “I knew there was something wrong with you when you came to the café,” he says once he’s sure Isak is listening, and although his tone is kind, Isak can’t help but let out a bitter laugh.

“There is a lot wrong with me, Even, but we can’t talk about that right now,” he says, getting to his feet and throwing both hands in the air. “I promise I will explain everything. And you will not have to deal with me for long, I just want to get you out of here.” Isak looks into Even’s eyes, taking a deep breath. “But right now, we have to get going. Please.”

Even stares at Isak for a few more moments and then nods slowly. “Okay.” He throws the blanket aside, getting up from the bed and walking over to the door. It takes Isak a few seconds to notice that Even is merely wearing a black T-shirt and blue boxer shorts, but when he does, he can't help but stare at Even’s long, lean legs for a moment. But he quickly gets a grip on himself.

_Not the time and place, for fuck’s sake!_

Even flips the light switch next to the door, making Isak blink for a few moments until his eyes get used to the bright light from the lamp hanging from the ceiling.

Once the room comes into focus, Isak is surprised to see Even standing in front of the open wardrobe, scanning the shelves. Huffing out a short laugh, Isak gets to his feet, feeling slightly relieved. “Just pack the bare minimum, we might have to walk for a while,” he tells Even, hesitantly walking around the bed to join him in front of the wardrobe. “Warm clothes, a few pairs of socks and underwear, phone and charger, your wallet and passport. That should do.”

Even nods absent-mindedly and he starts rummaging in his wardrobe. “Right,” he says matter-of-factly, and if Isak didn’t know better, he’d think Even has gotten death-threats countless times already and knows exactly what to do.

Digging out a black duffle bag from the bottom shelf in his wardrobe, Even finally turns around to face Isak again. “So… who do you work for exactly?” he asks hesitantly, eyeing Isak with a doubtful expression. He drops the duffle bag onto the mattress before turning back around to grab two hoodies from the top shelf and stuffing them into the bag.

Isak sighs, throwing up both hands in the air for the second time. “Even, can you please just hurry up?” He’s about to add that Franco’s killers could be here any moment when an ear-splitting crack makes both of them jump.

Even stares incredulously at Isak, but Isak knows exactly what this sound means. “They’re here, quick, hide in there,” he barks, pushing Even into the left side of the wardrobe. Luckily, Even doesn’t fight him, and Isak has just closed the doors and turned the key in the lock when the door to Even’s bedroom bursts open.

Isak almost laughs at the sight of Martino and Emilio walking in, dressed in grey suits with bright red ties and grey bowler hats. He should have known Emilio would be here: why else would he have known about Franco’s plans and bragged to Sofia about it? And _of course_ they had to dress up like Hollywood mobsters. They’re each holding a gun, pointing them at Isak, who’s trying to smirk confidently at them.

“Look who we have here,” Martino sneers, exchanging a vindictive grin with Emilio. “Franco’s knife ninja. So you did get the message after all, huh?”

Isak frowns, hoping he looks convincingly confused. “What message? I’m trying to do research here, since my target isn't home.” He manages a sigh and an annoyed look at both Martino and Emilio. “What are you morons doing here besides messing with my work?”

By the time Isak is done talking, he already knows there is nothing he can do to convince the two men to leave. There is not a hint of doubt on either of their faces and they’re still pointing their guns at him. “Shut up, Gio. You’re done,” Martino grunts and pulls the trigger.

Isak somersaults out of the bullet’s trajectory and straight into Martino’s legs, knocking him over while simultaneously pulling the knife from his belt and ramming it into Emilio’s foot. Martino falls back onto his butt with a groan as Emilio cries out in pain, dropping his gun to the floor. Isak quickly picks it up and throws it out of the open window before removing the knife from Emilio’s foot. Without thinking, he whirls around to Martino, who’s struggling to hold on to his gun, and slashes his throat with the knife. Blood gushes out from Martino’s throat as he gurgles grotesquely and then slumps to the side. Emilio is stammering something unintelligible, but Isak doesn’t wait for him to beg for his life. He swiftly cuts Emilio’s throat and pushes him down to the floor, looking away as Emilio bleeds to death next to Martino’s already motionless body.

Panting heavily, Isak stares at the two men he just killed. Although he really hoped he wouldn’t have to kill anyone with Even in the same room, he’s glad to know Emilio isn’t alive anymore. Because this means that Sofia won’t be punished for Isak’s disappearance, if she plays her cards right. The only person besides Isak who knew that Sofia knew about Franco wanting Isak dead is no longer alive.

“Never again,” Isak whispers to himself, tossing the bloody knife aside and and moving to pull Even’s blanket from the bed to cover the two bodies. He doesn’t want Even to see what he just did, although he will undoubtedly be able to tell.

Once the remains of Franco’s two most faithful goons are neatly covered by Even’s blanket together with Isak’s knife- he doesn’t plan on using it ever again, so he figured he might as well leave it here, as a message for Franco- Isak takes a few deep breaths. His heart is hammering in his chest and his hands are shaking. Sure, he’s done this kind of thing countless times in the past two years, but never with a witness hiding in a wardrobe in the same room.

“Isak?” Even’s voice brings Isak to his senses, although it’s muffled by the wardrobe. He sounds scared and hopeful at the same time, and the thought that Even might be worried for Isak’s life almost makes Isak smile.

“Coming,” Isak replies, trying to sound as calm as possible. He checks the blanket again to make sure it covers both bodies completely. Luckily, it’s dark blue and not white, so the bloody stains aren’t really visible.

Taking another deep breath, Isak steps up to the wardrobe door and unlocks it. Even is cowering in between the coats and shirts hanging on the rack, hugging his knees. He looks up at Isak with unmasked fear in his eyes, and Isak has to fight the urge to kneel down and hug him. It strikes him that Even is probably more afraid of Isak than of the two men he just killed.

“I’m sorry, I had to do that. They would have gone back to tell their boss that I didn’t…” Isak begins, but Even reaches out to touch Isak’s arm, making Isak suck in a gasp of air.

“I know,” Even whispers and then gestures for Isak to move aside so he can get out.

Hesitantly, Isak steps away from the wardrobe, however holding up his hands. “Don’t look under there, okay?” he tells Even, jerking his chin in direction of the two bodies covered by Even’s blanket.

Even’s eyes flit to the blanket and then back to Isak, and for a moment Isak is worried Even will yell at him to go away or threaten to call the police. But then he just nods and lets Isak pull him to his feet.

“Who is that?” Even asks then, his eyes still glued to the blanket, as if he were expecting someone to crawl out from beneath it.

“No one you need to worry about anymore, okay?” Isak hurries to say and hesitantly puts a hand on Even’s back. “Come on, we don’t have much time. There are more… assholes were those two came from.”

Even nods slowly and then turns around, starting to grab pieces of clothing from the wardrobe and stuff them into the duffle bag, which is still lying on the bed. In between packing clothes, he puts on a pair of blue jeans and a light blue hoodie. Isak almost smiles at the thought that the colour matches his eyes, but then shakes his head, forcing himself to focus.

“Where is your passport?” he asks Even, balling his hands into fists to stop them from shaking. Isak has killed countless people in the past two years, but he’s never been more afraid. Not for his life, or of having to kill again, but of Even thinking of him as a monster.

“Top drawer on the right,” Even mumbles, pointing to the desk standing next to the door. He immediately turns back around to keep packing, and Isak wonders if Even will ever meet his eye again. But he can’t allow himself to think about that now.

Opening the drawer Even indicated, Isak finds Even’s Norwegian passport right away. He also sees a black wallet sitting at the centre of Even’s desk and picks it up, turning around to face Even again. “Here,” he says gently and places the wallet and passport on the mattress next to Even’s duffle bag.

Even nods and takes the two items, stuffing them into his bag before zipping it shut. Then he picks up the bag and heads to the door, standing still on the threshold. “Where are we going?” he asks without turning around, and it hits Isak that he has absolutely no plan where to take Even.

Clearing his throat, Isak looks up at Even, hoping he looks more confident than he feels.

“My place. I gotta pick up some stuff, too,” he says slowly, running a hand through his hair and following Even out of his bedroom. “It’s not far and we have about an hour before Franco will send people there to check on me.”

Even nods again, still with his back turned to Isak and then heads to the front door, grabbing a green parka from a hook in the hallway and pulling the key out of the lock. “After you,” he says flatly, holding the door open for Isak, who steps through with a queasy grin which Even doesn’t return. Behind him, Isak hears Even lock the door and then hang the key on the handle, and he could swear he hears Even murmur “Goodbye” in Italian before following him down the stairs.

Isak’s heart hurts at the thought that he’s ripping Even’s life apart in spite of saving it. Does he have a girlfriend here? Friends? Maybe even family? What is Isak doing to him by just making him leave?

They walk downstairs in silence, Isak leading the way, peeking around corners to make sure no one is waiting for them. Isak doesn’t head for the main entrance but leads Even to the back door. Even doesn’t ask questions, though, just quietly following Isak into the backyard.

“Okay, good,” Isak says awkwardly once the two of them are on the street. “I think we should leave the country.” He hesitates for a moment, eyeing Even carefully. “Does anyone here know your real name?”

Even frowns at him, a hard look in his eyes. “Not unless more people were listening in on that phone call tonight,” he says coldly.

Isak nods curtly, ignoring the shiver running down his spine at Even’s frosty tone. “Good. That means you can use your passport.”

Even doesn’t reply to that, only nodding darkly and staring straight ahead. Isak’s stomach clenches uncomfortably, but he tells himself he has no right to feel upset. After all, he broke into Even’s apartment, confessed to being a professional killer and proved that it was true, all in less than an hour.

Once they reach Isak’s building, Isak asks Even to wait in the lobby with his back against the wall. Even obliges silently, still not looking at Isak.

Isak runs upstairs and packs up the few things he’s going to need for the trip. He heads straight to his bedroom and stuffs three hoodies, four T-shirts and a pair of extra jeans into a backpack, along with some socks and underwear. Moving on to the hallway, he unlocks the safe in the wall opposite the kitchen door and unceremoniously dumps the cash he stashed there into his backpack. He’s saved up approximately fifty thousand Euros in two years, which isn’t much considering he has no other job perspectives, but it will help him get Even out of the country.

Finally, Isak also grabs his old Norwegian passport from the safe before throwing it shut, not bothering to lock it again. Grabbing his black windbreaker jacket from the hook at the back of the front toor, he doesn’t even so much as look back before leaving his apartment. Thinking that it can’t hurt to let Franco’s henchmen believe he’s home, he doesn’t turn off the lights and leaves the door open. As a final touch, he drops his keys on the doormat and then hurries downstairs again.

Isak breathes a sigh of relief when he finds Even still standing where he left him. Even smiles briefly at the sight of Isak’s backpack. “I thought you said only to pack the bare minimum?” he questions, pointing to a hundred Euro bill sticking out of Isak’s bag.

“Uh, yeah, I suppose we can always use money, no?” Isak retorts, carefully pulling the bill free and stuffing it into the back pocket of his jeans. “Can you hold this?” he asks then and Even nods, taking Isak’s backpack from him so Isak can put on his jacket.

Smiling hesitantly at Even, Isak then takes the bag from him again and hauls it onto his back. “Thanks. Now, let’s go.”

Opening the door for Even, Isak considers asking him if he’s ready, but he doesn’t even know for what. His only plan is to leave Naples on foot so as to be seen by as little people as possible and then take a train to the nearest border, which is Switzerland. He came up with that while packing upstairs, but he decides not to share details with Even yet. The less he knows, the less harm can come to him if someone finds him and questions him about Isak’s whereabouts.

“I think we should leave the city on foot. We’re harder to track that way,” Isak ends up telling Even, who nods shortly and then falls into step next to Isak. They walk in silence for a long time, the only sounds being their footsteps and the rustling of their jackets.

Isak glances over at Even from time to time, trying to guess how he's feeling. Even looks lost in thought, chewing his lower lip from time to time, and he never meets Isak's eye. Isak can't blame him: Even has seen the monster Isak becomes when he kills. But although Isak doesn't expect to ever see Even again once they're both safe, the thought of Even hating him, or worse, being afraid of him makes his heart ache.

Luckily the streets are completely empty, particularly the side alleys Isak leads Even through: after walking for over an hour, they've only run into a few people, and most of them were beggars sleeping on the sidewalk. The silence is both soothing and ominous, so when Even finally speaks, Isak almost jumps.

“There are direct trains to Rome from Aversa, do you think we can risk that?” he asks, looking at Isak for the first time since they left Even's apartment.

Isak stares incredulously at Even for a moment before clearing his throat and nodding slowly. “Uh, yeah, that's what I had in mind actually.”

Even smiles briefly and adjusts his duffle bag on his shoulder. “It should take us about two more hours to walk there.” His voice isn't as hard as it was the last time he spoke, but Isak can tell that this is all about logistics for him.

Isak nods and glances up at the clock tower of the church they just passed. “That's right before sunrise, and the first train leaves around four thirty in the morning. Perfect.”

“Mhm,” Even mumbles and then he's silent again.

It seems to take forever, but when the two of them finally reach the train station in Aversa, Isak breathes a sigh of relief. He points to a bench at the wall of the small railway building and hesitantly looks over at Even. “We should sit down,” he suggests, and when Even turns to face him, Isak is relieved to see a weak smile on his lips.

“Sounds good.” They walk over to the bench and sit down, both dropping their bags to the ground. “Any chance of getting breakfast?” Even asks then, making a face.

Isak scrunched up his nose. “Uh, I don't think anything is open this early. Plus, the less people see us…”

“... the better, I know,” Even interrupts Isak, nodding slowly and then looking down at his hands.

“I'm sorry, I don't want to be ungrateful, Isak,” he adds after a moment, and Isak looks up at him in surprise.

“You're not... You’ve got nothing to apologise for. I'm the one who turned your life upside down,” he tells him earnestly. “I killed two people while you were in the room. If I were you, I’d at least beat me up.”

Even lets out a short chuckle and then looks straight ahead, his expression unreadable. “Well, you did save my life by killing those guys,” he says with a shrug. “I guess I should thank you.”

Isak shakes his head, looking at his hands again. “Don’t. If anything I should thank you.” Clearing his throat, Isak lifts his head to meet Even’s eyes. He’s surprised to see Even smiling at him. The sun is just starting to rise above the rooftops of Aversa, lighting up Even’s beautiful face. His blue eyes sparkle in the morning light and Isak wishes he had the courage to keep staring into them.

“Why?” Even asks then, making Isak blink in confusion. He has completely forgotten what they were talking about.

“Huh?”

Chuckling shortly, Even winks at Isak, making Isak’s heart leap. “Why should you thank me?”

Even is watching Isak curiously, and when their eyes meet, Isak realises he never wants to tell another lie about himself. At least not to Even.

“Because you gave me a reason to leave,” he explains, and sits up a bit straighter, ready to tell Even everything.


	4. Saving me back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even get to know each other on their trip home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter playlist
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> [Believer - Imagine Dragons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wtfhZwyrcc)
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> [Nara - Alt J](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtmrYisoxXA)
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> [Assassin - Muse](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfRQXIJ3fEM)
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> [Almost lover - A fine frenzy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_S_TbD1XFM)
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> GLOSSARY:
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> Zia - “aunt” in Italian

  
  


Isak is surprised at how easy he finds it to confide in Even. He tells him everything, from his parents’ death to how he came to be a killer for Franco. Whereas Isak just tells the story as if it were someone else’s, Even is visibly affected by it. He swallows hard when Isak tells him he never found friends once he came to Italy and lost touch with his old ones. At one point, Isak almost thinks Even is about to hug him, but he moves away from Even to avoid that.

 

Their train arrives right when Isak is telling Even about his first meeting with Franco. Even wants to rush to the station’s counter to get tickets, but Isak stops him. The less people that see them, the better.

 

On the train ride to Rome, Isak finishes his story, ending by telling Even that he couldn’t kill him because the fact that they’re from the same country made him realise he still misses home. That’s not entirely true, of course, but Isak doesn’t want Even to know he’s attracted to him.

 

It feels good to tell Even more or less the whole truth about his life because Isak is so sick of lying, but he doesn’t want Even to feel sorry for him. Ironically, that’s the reason he finally does lie to Even, telling him he’s going to ask his old friends if he can stay with one of them until he finds a job. That’s not at all Isak’s plan: Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus are certainly not eager to see him, and Isak can’t imagine what they’ll do to him if they find out what his job was in Italy. He tells Even he might lie to them at first and tell them the truth when he’s ready, but yeah… that’s not an actual option for Isak.

 

While changing trains in Rome, Even insists on buying them breakfast while Isak goes to buy tickets to Zurich. Even told Isak that he’s from Oslo too right before they got off the train, so they decided to take a plane to Oslo together from Switzerland. Isak convinces himself that the only reason that fact makes his heart flutter is because he might run into Even from time to time, which would be… terribly awkward, nothing more.

 

Because as much as Isak has tried to tell himself he shouldn’t go back to Oslo to avoid seeing his old friends again, Oslo is the only real home he’s ever had, and he just has to try and build a life there. He will still be alone, but at least he’ll be home.

 

Isak half-expects Even not to be on the platform where they agreed to meet. He wouldn’t blame him for it, but as long as they're still in Italy, Isak feels responsible for Even’s life. 

 

However, Even is waiting for him next to a bench when Isak walks onto the platform. He's holding two paper cups and a pastry bag, a small smile curling his lips when he sees Isak.

 

“Thank you,” Isak sighs gratefully, taking the cup Even's holding out to him. “What is it?”

 

Even’s grin grows a little wider and he winks at Isak. “Green tea,” he says, making Isak chuckle.

 

“You remembered,” Isak says, feeling himself blush. He’s not used to anyone taking care of him. Sure, Even only remembered that Isak likes tea better than coffee. But since nothing like this has ever happened to him, Even buying green tea for Isak feels like an intimately kind gesture.

 

“You were my only tea-drinking customer. Although you ran before I brought you a cup of our excellent green tea,” Even chuckles and takes a sip from his own paper cup.

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that,” Isak groans, making a face. He doesn’t know what else to say. When he ran from that café a few days ago, he was planning to kill Even. By now, that fact seems almost like a memory from another life. Now, Isak can’t fathom ever killing anyone ever again. His life as “Gio” was over the moment he laid eyes on Even.

 

“It’s okay,” Even says with a smirk, sitting down on the bench and gesturing for Isak to do the same. 

 

The two of them then have breakfast in silence while letting the morning sun warm their tired faces. Isak marvels at the fact that although he barely knows Even, the silence between them is comfortable, not awkward. Even knows the full truth about Isak’s time with the mafia, but he’s still here, even smiling at Isak. Somehow, Isak can’t help but think that the only reason for that is that Even knows they will never see each other again once they land in Oslo. 

 

When their train arrives, Even and Isak get on and soon find an empty compartment. Once they’ve settled across from each other at the window, Even clears his throat, eyeing Isak carefully.

 

“I’m supposed to be studying in Venice,” he says quietly, his voice croaky and raw. “I broke it off after… some shit happened.”

 

Isak swallows hard, shaking his head. “You don’t have to do this, Even. You don’t owe me anything.”

 

But Even sits up straighter, his expression determined. “No one knows, and I feel… I want to tell someone.”

 

At that, Isak nods. He understands the need to share his secrets with someone. It felt good to spill his guts to Even, precisely because they hardly know each other. So he leans back in his seat and smiles kindly, waiting for Even to go on.

 

“I went to Venice for an exchange year of my film studies. But at the end of the first semester, I did something… stupid.” Even sighs deeply and runs a hand through his hair, visibly nervous. 

 

“I … I have bipolar disorder, which means I sometimes do things I… shouldn’t when I’m…. not well.” Even forces the words out, watching Isak with a look that makes Isak’s heart hurt. It’s clear that Even expects Isak to react with either disgust or pity.

 

But instead, Isak’s heart sinks at the mention of the illness that most likely made his mother’s life a living hell before she died.

 

Isak doesn’t know much more about bipolar disorder than what he read online when he was sixteen. Back then, his aunt had made a strange remark about Isak’s mother. 

 

Although Isak was just a child when she started acting strange, he could tell his mother wasn’t feeling well a lot of the time. But since his father pretended everything was alright, Isak never thought to question his mother’s behaviour. Until one night Isak told Anna-Lena that his mother used to make up stories for him. His aunt laughed coldly, shaking her head.

 

“Your mother was possessed by a demon that made her sad one day and then crazy the next. The stories she told you were the demon’s attempt to take hold of you too. I hope that never happens to you, Isak.”

 

Anna-Lena didn’t explain what exactly she meant when Isak asked, so of course, he wanted to find out what could have been wrong with his mother. He knew already then that demons weren’t real so he snuck into the computer room after school hours one day and googled “illnesses mistaken for demons.” He ended up finding a lot of information about mental illnesses. The one that seemed most likely to be consistent with what Isak remembered of his mother’s suffering was bipolar disorder.

 

So when Even tells him he’s suffering from that same illness, Isak’s first reaction is to let Even know he’s aware what that means.

 

“Shit, that can’t be fun,” he says quietly, holding Even’s gaze. He wants to ask if Even has the help he needs, if he is on medication, but he doesn’t want to be intrusive, so he just waits for Even to continue.

 

Even’s eyes widen slightly before he frowns at Isak. “You … you know what that is?” he wonders, sounding incredulous.

 

Pursing his lips, Isak nods. “I think it’s what my mum had too. She didn’t get treatment because both she and dad insisted she was fine, but… when my aunt said something about my mum having been possessed by a demon, I did my own research.”

 

Even lets out a soundless laugh. “A demon, huh?”

 

“Yeah, my aunt was all kinds of fucked up, she believed that the world was going to end in her lifetime and shit…” Isak wants to say his aunt was crazy, but he imagines Even wouldn’t like that word very much, so he interrupts himself, clearing his throat. “So… I suppose you were manic in Venice when something… happened?” he asks carefully, hoping that his expression doesn’t show how sorry he feels for Even.

 

Even nods, taking a deep breath. “Back then, I was just coming to terms with the fact that I like guys as much as girls. Actually, by now I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter to me what gender someone has at all.” He clears his throat and looks at his knees, and Isak is glad for it because he can suddenly feel his cheek heating up.

 

_ Even likes guys. _

 

“And there was this guy in my class, Luca. He had the most beautiful black locks and a really cute smile.” The bitter smile curling Even’s lips upward at the memory almost makes Isak want to hug him. He hates the idea of Even hurting. “So, I was already pretty out of control, and then, after our last class, Luca, some other classmates, and me went out for some wine. And when Luca said that it was time for ‘spring romance’, I just… walked up to him and kissed him.”

 

Sighing deeply, Even finally looks up at Isak again. Isak can tell that the memory still hurts him, but he doesn’t interrupt him. “Luca and the others beat me up of course. They didn’t want to be friends with a ‘freak’, and they told me never to talk to them ever again. During our summer break, I heard from several people that Luca was apparently telling everyone about what happened, and so I knew… I just… couldn’t go back.”

 

Even lets out a long breath, trying to smile at Isak. “So yeah, I packed my stuff and took a train to Naples, with no plan, only that I couldn’t go home because my parents would be disappointed. The first café I went to in Naples was looking for waiters, and Angelo hired me right away.”

 

Isak nods slowly, feeling strangely reminded of his own ‘new start’ in Naples, although it was completely different from Even’s. “Is that when you started going by Anders?” he asks carefully.

 

Chuckling shortly, Even runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah. I wanted to start over in a way. Plus, I soon met a guy who illegally sold weed seeds and started growing my own. And although I had no idea that the Camorra deal with weed as well, I still thought it would be smart not to tell people my real name.”

 

“Wow, I should have thought of that, too,” Isak says, trying to grin at Even. “Selling weed would have been a much better career than… you know.”

 

Even suddenly looks sad again, leaning forward to look into Isak’s eyes. “I still don’t get how you could do that… How do you just... kill someone?”

 

Isak shifts uncomfortably, squaring his shoulders. “Uh, well… Most people I killed were killers themselves. Franco had me take out people who had killed family members of his or people who were rival drug dealers. So, I tried to tell myself that everyone I killed couldn’t kill anyone else anymore.”

 

Nodding slowly, Even takes a deep breath before asking: “What about me? I mean… you did come to my place with a knife, didn’t you?” He pauses for a moment, holding Isak’s gaze. “Did you really want to kill me?”

 

Suddenly, Isak is fighting tears again. He doesn’t want to seem weak in front of Even. But Even’s question takes Isak back to the night before when he was standing over Even, holding a knife.

 

“I got an ultimatum,” he says finally, hating how whiny his voice sounds. “I was taking too long and my boss said that if I don’t kill you before morning, someone else would kill us both. So... I decided to... buy myself some time.”

 

Looking at his knees, Isak swallows hard, wondering how he could even think that killing Even would buy him time. Franco had already decided to have Isak murdered, he was going to do that either way. He is such an idiot. 

 

Burying his face in his hands, Isak groans in frustration before forcing himself to meet Even’s eyes again. Even is watching him carefully, but not with anger or disgust. So Isak goes on. 

 

“I panicked and thought if I killed you, Franco would let me live one more day so I could escape. But then I saw you sleeping…” Isak trails off, swallowing tears, but not taking his eyes off Even. “You looked so… peaceful. So kind. I just couldn’t do it. And I knew in that moment that I could never kill for money again. Ever.”

 

Isak doesn’t mean to sound desperate, but he knows he does. He’s tried to ignore his attraction to Even, to push it to the back of his head. Nobody would want him anyway— a worthless, soulless killer who had nothing to offer. And it doesn’t matter that Even has been kind to him in spite of everything that happened. Even deserves a million times better than Isak.

 

“I believe you,” Even all but whispers then, and this time, Isak can’t stop a desperate sound escaping his throat. “You saved me, Isak. Never forget that. Actually,” Even smiles softly and reaches out to cover Isak’s hand with his own. “Both the first and the last time you killed someone it was to save a life. Try to remember that, okay?”

 

Isak can only nod, afraid that he will start crying if he opens his mouth now. Even’s voice is so full of kindness and warmth Isak is almost tempted to believe that Even can forgive him one day. That, maybe, the two of them can be friends.

 

“We should try to sleep for a bit, no?” Even says then, pointing to the window. Isak didn’t even notice that the train has started moving. They’re already out of the city by the looks of it, and Isak knows that the journey to Zurich will take at least seven hours, and they won’t have to change trains until Milan.

 

So he nods and takes off his jacket, bunching it up against the window. Although a thousand thoughts are racing through his head, he’s asleep in minutes.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

Some time in the early evening, Isak and Even finally arrive in Zurich. When they boarded the train in Rome, Isak had planned for them to continue straight to the airport, to not lose any time. But now, he can tell Even is just as tired as him and he figures it won’t hurt for them to spend one night at a hotel and then catch a plane in the morning.

 

Even suggests they book a room at a hostel to save money, but Isak waves him off dismissively. “I’ve got enough money saved up, Even,” he says forcefully, staring into Even’s eyes to make it clear he’s not going to argue with him on this.

 

“Fine,” Even huffs, and Isak isn’t sure if he’s amused or just too tired to fight him. Via google maps, Even then finds out that there is a hotel inside Zurich airport. Since the airport is only a ten minute train ride from the main station, they decide to head there.

 

“I’ve never slept in a Radisson Blu before,” Even giggles excitedly once they enter the lobby. “Looks really fancy.”

 

Isak can’t help but chuckle. He’s not sure why but he finds Even’s ability to get excited about small things even more endearing than his gorgeous smile.

 

“It’ll do for the night,” Isak says dryly, making Even laugh.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry, you’re probably used to  _ much  _ fancier places, am I right?” he says in an exaggeratedly arrogant tone, raising an eyebrow at Isak. 

 

Isak groans and just walks up to the counter, asking in English if they still have double rooms. He briefly considers getting separate rooms for him and Even but decides he doesn’t want to be too far away from Even just in case someone did follow them here.

 

The receptionist apologises and says they only have rooms with double beds left, but Isak tells her it’s fine, although he can feel the tips of his ears turning red. Luckily, Even doesn’t seem to notice.

 

Isak pays for their room in advance, just in case they have to get out in a hurry in the morning. If the receptionist is confused that anyone would pay for a hotel room in cash, she is very good at hiding it. She just smiles politely, thanks Isak, and hands him the key card, wishing him and Even a pleasant stay. Even follows Isak to the elevator and just a minute later the two of them sigh with relief as the door of their room clicks shut behind them.

 

“I don’t have any Swiss francs, do you?” Even asks, toeing off his shoes and hanging his parka on the back of the door.

 

“Nah, but we can pay with Euros here, as long as it’s bills, I think,” Isak says. He remembers seeing a sign about it at the door of a store inside the train station.

 

While Even takes a shower, Isak turns on the TV and checks the Italian news channels. To his great relief, none of them are talking about a double murder in Naples, which can only mean one thing: Franco has decided to sweep Antonio and Martino’s deaths under the rug and try to find Isak before the cops get involved. Since Isak is no longer in the country and left no trace of his true identity, the chances of Franco ever finding him and Even are close to zero.

 

Turning the TV off, Isak knocks on the bathroom door. “Even, I’m going back to the shopping mall to get some food okay? Anything in particular you want?”

 

“Nah, I’m not picky,” Even calls back, sounding almost cheerful, and Isak wonders how Even can be so calm less than twenty-four hours after Isak woke him up to tell him he was in mortal danger. Even must be a lot tougher than Isak gives him credit for, and that makes him even more attractive in Isak’s eyes.

 

“Alright, I’ll be right back,” he calls and grabs the key card from the table. In a supermarket inside the airport mall Isak buys some food he hopes will get him and Even through the night: a bag of crisps, two egg salad sandwiches, and two blueberry muffins along with two bottles of iced tea.

 

By the time he gets back to the hotel room, Even is asleep on the right side of the bed. He’s lying on top of the blanket, wearing only his boxers and t-shirt, which makes Isak blush and his heartbeat speed up. For a moment he just stares at Even, who is looking even more angelic than the night before when Isak…

 

No, he’s not letting himself think about that. Isak carefully puts the food on the table at the wall across from the bed and then quietly takes off his clothes. 

 

Having a shower after a long day of travelling is wonderful, and although he’s never been a fan of metaphors, Isak feels as if he’s washing off all traces of his life in Italy. Afterwards, Isak puts on a fresh pair of boxer shorts and a black T-shirt, crawling into bed next to Even. He carefully avoids touching Even though, not wanting to wake him.

 

Within minutes, he falls into a deep slumber.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

_ Even is running, but Isak knows he won’t get far before he even starts chasing after his victim. In what feels like only three long strides, he catches up to Even and stops him by wrapping a strong arm around Even’s waist. Even cries out in fear, trying to wiggle free, but Isak pulls him closer with the arm locked around him and slashes Even’s throat with the knife in his other hand. Falling to the ground, Even takes a few more gurgling breaths before he stills, lying face down on the ground. Realising what he’s done, Isak screams and drops to his knees, turning Even over with shaking hands. Even’s front is spattered with blood and his beautiful eyes are no longer sparkling, staring blankly at Isak. _

 

_ “Even, no!” Isak cries hysterically, pressing his palm to the wound on Even’s neck. The wound he, Isak himself, had caused. Why did he do that?  “I’m sorry, Even,” Isak sobs, trying to revive Even, but it’s no use. “I didn’t want this, please don’t leave me, Even, I …” _

 

Isak wakes with a start, drenched in sweat. He’s struggling to breathe, which is why it takes him a moment to realise there is a pair of arms wrapped around him. 

 

“Isak, wake up, it’s just a dream,” Even murmurs at his ear, and the sound of his voice makes Isak burst into tears. 

 

_ Even is here. He’s alive. I didn’t kill him. _

 

Without thinking, Isak turns around and throws his arms around Even, pulling him close. “I dreamed I killed you,” he whimpers, his heart hammering in his chest. “I slashed your throat like the heartless monster I am. I’m horrible, Even, I…”

 

A violent sob escapes Isak’s throat at his own words and he wraps his arms tighter around Even.

 

“Shh, you didn’t kill me. I’m right here,” Even whispers into Isak’s hair as his arms coil around Isak’s waist to pull him in until their chests are pressed together.

 

Feeling Even’s heartbeat against his own makes Isak cry even harder. He doesn’t deserve this. He’s a soulless killer who just happens to have spared one life.

 

But Even keeps holding Isak, gently stroking Isak’s back with his thumbs, and although he’s still sobbing desperately, Isak buries his face at Even’s neck. His tears are starting to wet the collar of Even’s T-shirt, but Even doesn’t seem to care.

 

“What can I do?” Even asks in between two violent sobs tearing out of Isak’s throat. He sounds concerned, and although Isak knows he has no right to let himself to be comforted like this, he clings to Even as if he were drowning.

 

“Just... don’t stop touching me,” he whispers shyly, and when he feels Even nodding, Isak stops caring about what he does and doesn’t deserve.

 

He lets out a shaking breath as Even’s fingers card through his hair and allows himself to lean into the touch. With his other hand, Even draws soft circles onto Isak’s back, until eventually, Isak’s sobs subside. Isak’s arms go slack, but he keeps them wrapped around Even’s shoulders, letting himself be held for the first time since he can remember.

 

Even doesn’t stop caressing Isak, although Isak isn’t crying anymore. He just holds on to Isak, and in spite of the inner voice yelling at him to push Even away, Isak stays still, soaking up Even’s tenderness like a dry sponge.

 

Even seems to know exactly what Isak needs, wrapping his arms tighter around him, gently stroking his back with both hands. Isak sighs at every touch, feeling himself melt into Even’s embrace and wishing he could just stay right here for the rest of his life.

 

In Even’s arms, Isak doesn’t have to be tough and hard. With every touch of Even’s gentle hands, Isak feels the killer inside him melt away, uncovering a part of him Isak didn’t know existed. A soft, vulnerable Isak who longs to be held and touched and loved.

 

“You saved me, Even,” Isak murmurs after a while, burying his face at the crook of Even’s neck. He feels Even stiffen slightly at the words.

 

“From what?” Even asks quietly, cupping Isak’s neck with one hand and leaving his other arm coiled around Isak’s waist.

 

Isak sighs deeply, letting go of Even’s shoulders to cross his arms on his own chest, allowing Even to wrap both arms protectively around Isak’s back. 

 

“From myself. From who I was in Italy,” Isak breathes into Even’s neck, feeling Even shiver slightly. “Thank you,” he adds, and then, less than a minute later, Isak drifts off to sleep in Even’s arms.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

The next morning, Isak wakes up with Even’s arms wrapped around him from behind, and for a moment, he doesn’t dare open his eyes. He must be dreaming. But then he feels Even’s breath in his neck and his heart almost jumps out of his chest. Opening his eyes, Isak realises it’s already light outside, and he knows they have to leave soon, but he can’t resist enjoying the feeling of Even’s arms around him for a while longer. Very carefully, Isak traces Even’s lower arm with his index finger, wondering how he got here.

 

Less than forty-eight hours ago he made the riskiest decision he’d ever made by not killing Even and fleeing with him. And now he’s lying in a hotel room in Switzerland in Even’s arms, feeling safe and comforted for the first time in his life.

 

Very carefully, Isak lifts Even’s arm and rolls out of his embrace. As good as it feels to be held by Even, he doesn’t want to see the regret on Even’s face when he realises he’s slept arm in arm with the man who almost murdered him.

 

Getting out of bed, Isak spots the sandwiches, crisps, and muffins he bought last night lying on the table where he left them. His stomach grumbles at the sight, and as if Even heard it, he stirs in exactly that moment.

 

Isak turns around with a grin as Even lets out a long groan, stretching his arms and legs. “Good morning,” Isak murmurs, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “Did you sleep okay?”

 

Even blinks a few times and then nods at Isak with a concerned look on his face. “Better than you anyway,” he murmurs, and Isak feels himself blush, but not just because he’s ashamed of his breakdown: Even’s voice is low and scratchy from sleep, making the hairs at the back of Isak’s neck stand up, and Isak is suddenly very aware that he’s only wearing boxer shorts and a T-shirt. That’s why he almost misses Even’s question.

 

“Are you okay? Isak?”

 

Isak blinks a few times, as if waking up from a trance and nods, walking over to the table and starting to unpack the sandwiches. “I'm fine,” he says quickly, hating that his voice is suddenly shaking. “You hungry?” he asks then and turns around to face Even, holding up an egg salad sandwich with one hand and a blueberry muffin with the other.

 

Even nods with a soft smile and sits up as Isak walks across the room to hand him the sandwich. 

 

“Oh wow, you made me eggs?” Even jokes, making both of them laugh. 

 

“This is the closest thing to cooking I can do,” Isak says as he returns to the table and leans against it, facing Even. 

 

Staring incredulously at Isak, Even sits up a little straighter. “You’re telling me you've lived in Italy for nine years and never learned how to cook?”

 

Isak shrugs and tears open the package of the second egg salad sandwich. “I mostly ate pizza and pasta from the restaurant close to my place.” Even's scandalised expression makes Isak blush and he adds: “Well, Sofia cooked for me sometimes, and I always tried to help.”

 

That makes Even frown. “Who is Sofia and what do you mean by helping?” He's just finished unpacking his sandwich and taken a bite and is eying Isak warily while chewing. 

 

And that’s when it hits Isak that he hasn't thought of Sofia since she left his apartment the night before. Dread rises like bile in his throat and he puts the sandwich aside, covering his mouth with one hand. “Fuck,” he murmurs and then pulls one of the chairs towards him, sitting down with a deep sigh.

 

“She's the girl who warned me about Franco’s plan to kill me…” he murmurs, staring at the floor. 

 

“Shit,” Even curses, sounding concerned. Isak looks up at Even but he stares straight through him, thinking back to his last conversation with Sofia.

 

If she is as smart as Isak thinks she is, she probably acted innocent and pretended to know nothing about anything. Closing his eyes, Isak conjures up the scenario in his mind: Franco asking Sofia if she knows where Gio went, and her answering that Gio was supposed to come to her place after ‘running an errand’ for Franco. Yes, that would be the smartest thing to do. Since Isak killed Emilio, who told Sofia about Franco’s plans, there is no one left who knows that Sofia knew about them too. 

 

But still, just the fact that she was close to Isak puts her in danger. And it takes Isak two seconds to decide what to do next.

 

Looking up, he’s surprised to see Even has gotten up and is already fully dressed, packing his things into the duffle bag. “Uh, what…” Isak begins, but Even doesn’t wait for him to ask.

 

“Please tell me you have her number,” he says earnestly, shoving the rest of the food they haven’t eaten into Isak’s backpack and closing the zipper.

 

“Y-y-yes,” Isak stutters and gets to his feet, looking for his jeans.

 

“Then let’s get to a payphone and call her. She needs to get out of there, now!” Even sounds as worried as Isak feels, which is almost as terrifying as it is to think about what might happen to Sofia if Franco finds out what she’s done. Even cares so much about this person he doesn’t even know, and Isak only just remembered she might be in danger because of him...

 

But he doesn’t have time to think about that right now.

 

Isak nods at Even and hurriedly puts on his jeans and then his shoes. A minute later, the two of them are running through the lobby, and Isak quickly tosses their room key into a basket on the reception counter. He hardly hears the receptionist thanking them for their stay and then he and Even are already on their way to the airport.

 

Isak spotted a pay phone on his way back from the supermarket the night before, and luckily he finds it again without trouble. Even reaches the phone before him and is already holding the receiver out to Isak, his eyes wide with fear.

 

Taking the receiver from Even, Isak frowns for a second before he remembers the pre-dial number for Italy. With shaking fingers, he hurriedly dials the number of Sofia’s apartment, praying to the universe that he isn’t too late.

 

The phone rings for an agonising twenty seconds, but then someone picks up.

 

“Pronto?”

 

Isak’s knees almost buckle at the sound of her voice. “Sofia,” he croaks, feeling a tear running down his cheek. Even sighs with relief next to him, but Isak hardly notices because Sofia lets out a cry of joy of her own.

 

“Gio! You’re alive! Where did you go? What the hell happened last night?” she yells at him, but Isak shushes her.

 

“Quiet, amore, you can’t yell, okay? Please listen to me,” he says quietly and then clears his throat. “You have to…”

 

“Get out, I know,” Sofia interrupts, sounding surprisingly calm, considering she was screaming at Isak seconds before. “I’m going to see my aunt, remember? The one I told you about in Ticino. She’s going to be so pleased.”

 

Isak wipes his cheek and leans his back against the wall next to the pay phone, nodding until he realises Sofia can’t see him. “That’s good. Stay there, okay? You can never go back to Naples.” 

 

Sofia lets out a tiny giggle. “For someone who has worked for Franco, you sure care a lot about some random whore, Gio.” Her tone is teasing and affectionate, and Isak wishes he could hug her. Although he was never attracted to Sofia, he always cared about her. It took him saving the life of his last victim and a tearful breakdown in said victim’s arms for him to realise it, but Isak Valtersen isn’t as cold as he thought.

 

“You’re not a random whore, Sofia,” he says earnestly, hesitating for a second before lowering his voice and adding: “You’ve protected me for two years, and I never returned the favour.” Isak swallows a sob, thinking about all the times Sofia boasted in front of other girls of how good a lover Gio was in order to kill the rumours about him being gay. She didn’t have to do that, and even if Isak hadn’t run, her actions could have gotten her killed.

  
“Amore, but you did,” Sofia laughs softly. “How many times did you stop Franco from giving me to some brutal idiot and instead of having terrible sex, I got to watch movies with you all night? And of course, the second I heard that Emilio and Martino were dead I knew two things: That you had left and gave me the reason to do the same. Nothing holds me here anyway. And Zia Maria has asked me to visit so many times, now I finally have a reason to do it. So thank you, Gio.”

 

“That’s not my…” Isak begins, but again, Sofia interrupts.

 

“Shush, now don’t give me a reason to rat you out. The less I know the better, right?”

 

That makes Isak smile and he clears his throat, standing up a little straighter. “Yes, of course. And please don’t use your real name anymore either, okay? You’ll have to change it, as beautiful as it is.”

 

Sofia laughs again. “New life, new name. I kind of like it, that’s like in the movies.”

 

They’re both silent for a moment after that. Isak has no idea how to say goodbye to the only person he’s trusted during the worst time of his life. He wishes he could promise they will see each other again, but he knows that won’t happen.

 

“I love you, Gio,” Sofia finally says, making Isak’s breath catch. But before he can say it back, she goes on. “I know you can’t love me, and that’s okay. You’ll find …  _ him _ one day, I hope.”

 

Isak blushes and glances over at Even, who’s watching him curiously, with a hint of worry still playing on his features. “Thank you. I hope so too. And I do, you know. Just not…” Isak trails off and he can almost hear Sofia nod.

 

“Thank you for saying that, Gio. And see you soon I hope. Maybe in another life.” Isak can hear her voice breaking, but he somehow manages to swallow around the lump in his throat.

 

“Ciao, amore,” he croaks and then the line clicks and Sofia is gone.

 

Isak only realises he’s kneeling on the floor when Even gently takes the receiver from his hand to hang it up again. A moment later, Even pulls Isak to his feet and into his arms.

 

“Is she okay?” he asks quietly as Isak leans his head on Even’s shoulder.

 

“Yes, she’s going to Ticino. I just hope she makes it,” Isak whispers, still fighting tears. The thought that Sofia might not escape in time is unbearable. “She’s... fuck, she just can’t die... I’ll never forgive myself.”

 

“You did what you could,” Even says at Isak’s ear, and although it’s a small consolation, it still helps to hear Even say it. Isak allows himself to hug Even back for a few more moments before letting go of him, clearing his throat.

 

“We have to go,” he says, looking at his feet for a moment before finally daring to look up at Even again.

 

He expects Even to look at him with pity or confusion. After all, Even has just witnessed Isak crying in fear of someone dying, although he’s made money by killing people for two years. Then again, Even followed him here…

 

Isak’s thoughts stop when he sees Even smiling at him. A genuine, kind smile no less. “You’re no monster, Isak,” Even murmurs softly and it takes all of Isak’s self-restraint not to throw his arms around him again.

 

“If you say so,” he says weakly, trying to smile.

 

Even nods and briefly pats Isak’s shoulder. “Come on, I think the departure hall is that way.”

 

Isak is very glad to have Even once they reach the ticket counter of Scandinavian Airlines. Although he’s usually good with words, Isak can’t get a single word out, but Even takes over as if that had been their plan all along. With his boyish charm, Even convinces the lady behind the counter that he and Isak are brothers and the reason why Isak is paying in cash is that they’re moving back home after their parents have died, and they doesn’t have a bank account in Norway yet.

 

A mere thirty minutes later, Isak and Even are sitting at the gate for the next plane to Oslo. They didn’t speak much on their way there, although Isak could tell that Even has questions. But Even doesn’t push Isak, although he has every right to.

 

Eventually, Isak looks out of the window and takes a deep breath. “She protected me,” he says quietly, almost smiling when he hears Even’s breath catch. Isak doesn’t wait for Even to ask what he means though. “Sofia helped me hide the fact that I’m… not into women.”

 

Glancing over at Even, Isak isn’t surprised to see Even smiling gently at him. “I’m sorry that was necessary,” he says softly. “For both of you. But... I guess it’s good that you had each other.”

 

Isak nods slowly, fighting tears again. “We’d both be dead without her.”

 

“A true hero, your Sofia,” Even agrees, and the reverent tone in his voice makes Isak want to hug him again. 

 

Instead, Isak just reaches out to squeeze Even’s lower arm. “Thanks for...making me call her,” he croaks, trying to smile at Even.

 

“You were going to call her anyway,” Even contradicts, shaking his head. “I just helped you find the damn phone.”

 

Isak can’t believe it, but he actually laughs at that.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

“So, here we are,” Even says once they get off the train at the main station in Oslo. His voice is shaking as much as Isak’s hands, which he’s hidden in his pockets.

 

“Yep. Congratulations, you’re rid of me,” Isak says, grinning uneasily at Even, who just frowns, looking almost irritated.

 

“Isak, you don’t still believe I’ll just never talk to you again, do you?”

 

Isak stares at him. “I can’t believe you would want to stay in touch with the guy who almost killed you, Even,” he says, biting his lower lip.

 

Even sighs exasperatedly and puts his hands on Isak’s shoulders, making him look up into Even’s eyes. 

“Have you ever thought that maybe, I don’t want to stop talking to the guy who saved my life?”

 

Isak still can’t believe Even means that. But when Even insists that Isak write Even’s number down on a napkin Even found in his duffle bag, he doesn’t protest. 

 

“Get a cell phone, and call me,” Even tells him, stuffing the napkin into the pocket of Isak’s jacket while holding his gaze. “I’ll find you if you don’t.”

 

“Alright,” Isak says, unsure what to do now.  _ How do you say goodbye to someone you were supposed to kill and then forced to flee with you? _

 

Even answers that question by stepping forward and wrapping Isak in a hug. Isak hugs him back, closing his eyes and breathing Even in. “Thank you for everything,” Even murmurs and Isak shivers when he feels Even’s breath in his neck. 

 

“Thank  _ you _ ,” Isak whispers back, wishing he could hold on forever. And then, Even moves back, smiling at Isak one last time.

 

“See you around, Isak,” he calls cheerfully, as if he and Isak had already agreed to meet again.

 

“See you,” Isak calls back, waving at Even, and then he turns around before he does something stupid.

 

Like stopping Even and asking him for help. Because although they both have Norwegian passports, Isak has absolutely no idea how to build a life here again. Once again, he’s completely and utterly alone.


	5. Because you scare me to death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even comes home in more ways than one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter playlist
> 
>  
> 
> [Unter den Wolken - Die Toten Hosen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwzDFFH3CMk)
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> [Release - Seeed](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKlG351Lc_4&list=RDEMFLVMwKcTi0L9AnUy0jQtHA&index=19)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [Never let me go - Florence and the machine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMBTvuUlm98)

The second Isak turns the corner and disappears, Even feels his heart sink. He’s gotten used to having Isak around, although they’ve barely spent two days together. But in those two days, Isak saved Even’s life, cried in his arms, and opened up to Even about his past. Even feels like he knows Isak better than he knows his closest friends and vice-versa: Isak knows that Even left Venice six months earlier than he should have, which Even hasn’t told anyone else.

 

And that brings up Even’s biggest worry: How on earth is he going to face his family and friends? He knows he’ll have to go home eventually before nightfall if he doesn’t want to freeze to death. Of course he’s considered just going to the kollektiv where Elias, Mutta, Mikael, and Adam live. The boys would ask questions, but at least they wouldn’t worry about Even breaking off his studies.

 

Even’s mother however… Sighing deeply, Even runs a hand through his hair. Mamma will be happy to see him, sure. But she will undoubtedly worry that he’s not doing well again. Not that Even can blame her, but he hates worrying his mum.

 

Although it hasn’t always been easy, Even is living well with his bipolar. He was diagnosed at age fifteen, which is very early, and by now he has become his own expert. His illness still manages to catch him off guard sometimes- like six months ago in Venice- but for the most part, his bipolar disorder is just a part of his life, not dominating it.

 

Thankfully, his family and his friends have always supported him in the right way. Although they were worried sick at the beginning, his parents did their best to trust Even to make his own choices and let him figure out things on his own- bipolar-related or not. And Even’s friends… they’re nothing short of fantastic.

 

Smiling to himself, Even remembers the incident that convinced him that although he has no blood siblings, he does have five amazing brothers.

 

_Even had his first manic episode during a winter holiday with his parents. They were visiting his mother’s parents in Northern Norway, and Even felt erratically happy from the first day. He couldn't stop talking about the most random things, and then one day, he ran out into the wilderness in the middle of the night without a jacket. His parents found him dancing in a clearing to music he was hearing in his head, half-frozen to death. Luckily, his mother had some experience with mental illness since she was a psychiatric nurse. She’d had her suspicions for quite some time, and Even’s episode confirmed them. Both she and Even’s father told Even honestly that they thought he might have bipolar disorder, and his mother explained to him what that meant. Even was confused and scared, but his parents reassured him that everything would be alright and that no matter what would happen, they were always going to be there for him._

 

_Once Even got the diagnosis, his parents suggested that he tell the boys the truth. His mother said that it was going to be easier to deal with his illness if he didn’t have to hide it from his closest friends. At first, Even was too embarrassed and tried to shut the boys out, but they wouldn’t let him._

 

_“Even, are you playing FIFA with other people than us?” Mutta called through Even's closed door on the third day Even hadn’t been at school. “Because that's the only thing we'd be really mad at you for, everything else we can deal with!”_

 

_Even laughed in spite of himself and when he heard Mikael, Adam, Elias, and Yousef agreeing with Mutta and calling his name as well, he gave in and unlocked the door._

 

_The boys spent an entire afternoon in Even's room, listening to him and comforting him. All five of them cried a lot in those few hours, but in the end, Even was glad he didn't keep the door closed. Because although it wasn't easy to talk about something he barely understood himself,  Even felt relieved to not have to lie to the boys._

 

_About three months after Even got his diagnosis, a classmate saw him leaving his new therapist's office and Even panicked, worried that the boy would spread rumours about him. And of course he was right._

 

_He didn't tell the boys what happened but that didn't stop them from noticing the way people whispered in the hallways when the six of them walked past._

 

_And then one day, Even came to the cafeteria at lunch time to find Adam and Elias standing on their usual table, and by the looks of it, pretty much the entire school was listening to them._

 

_“...so instead of talking about Even behind his back, use your damn phones and google ‘mental illness,’” Elias called out, and Even’s throat suddenly felt hot, as if he had just drunk too much warm tea. Everyone was staring at him, and for a moment, he considered running away, but then Adam cleared his throat._

 

_“You'll find out that although movies and TV shows tend to make it seem like every person who has a mental illness is a potential murderer, that's complete bullshit.” Adam looked up and saw Even, smiling encouragingly at him before going on._

 

_“Even is our brother, and that will never change,” he said, still holding Even’s gaze, and Even felt tears well up behind his eyes._

 

_“So you better stop spreading stupid rumours about him and behave like normal people again,” Elias added, turning to face Even as well and winking at him. “That's it, you can go back to eating lunch now. But, like, just don't be assholes, people. Peace and love.”_

 

_And with that, Elias and Adam jumped down from the table and walked towards Even together with Mikael, Adam, and Yousef. A few people clapped and cheered but Even hardly noticed because he was wrapped in a group hug._

 

_“What the heck was that about?” Even asked, still with tears in his eyes, looking at Elias and Adam in wonder._

 

_Elias shrugged and gestured towards Adam with his chin. “Adam heard someone say the words ‘Even,’ ‘shrink,’ and ‘crazy’ in the same sentence while we were walking to French class earlier.” He looked at Even with a casual expression, as if giving a speech in the cafeteria was the only logical reaction to hearing someone gossip about Even._

 

_“We can't have people talk shit about any of us, man,” Adam added, and the other four agreed enthusiastically._

 

_And from that moment on, no one ever talked badly about Even at school. The boys were always there for him, and that didn't change when Even, Yousef, and Mikael went to University and Elias, Mutta, and Adam started their apprenticeships. Those five boys were the only people apart from his parents Even never had to lie to, and he was incredibly grateful for that._

 

“Even?”

 

Feeling his heartbeat speed up at the sound of the familiar voice calling his name, Even shakes his head and looks up.

 

In front of him stands the reason he left for Venice: His ex-girlfriend Sonja. They broke up about a year ago, which was why Even needed a change of scenery. They had been together for two years and he used to think they would get married one day. But one day Even got off school an hour earlier because his teacher was sick, and he decided to go and pick Sonja up after class. While he was waiting for her outside, he heard her laugh from behind a wall, and when he went to check, he found her in the arms of a classmate, kissing the living shit out of him.

 

Sonja claimed she had fallen out of love with Even but didn’t know how to break up with him. Even kept asking questions until she finally admitted that she thought he was too ‘fragile’ to handle a break-up because of his bipolar disorder.

 

Seeing Sonja is the last thing Even needs right now, but he’s too polite to just run away. So he smiles kindly and walks towards her.

 

“Hey Sonja,” he says, surprised to notice that there is not a trace of anger in his voice.

 

Sonja smiles hesitantly and holds out her hand to Even, but Even doesn’t want to make this more awkward than it is anyway, so he pulls her into a brief hug.

 

“Hey,” Sonja breathes at his shoulder before letting go of him and biting her lower lip. “I thought you went to Italy,” she says then, sounding confused.

 

“I just came back,” Even explains, shrugging with an uneasy grin. “Like, literally right now.”

 

“Oh, okay,” Sonja giggles and runs a hand through her short blonde hair. “I had no idea. Weren’t you going to stay there for a year?”

 

Even almost rolls his eyes. “Change of plans,” he says curtly, but when he sees the hurt look on Sonja’s face, he can’t help but add in a slightly softer tone: “Turns out Italy didn’t like me all that much.”

 

Sonja chuckles shortly and nods. “I don’t get what Italy’s problem is.”

Even’s head heats up at her words and he looks down at his feet, not really knowing what to say to that. Sonja chews her lower lip for a moment before clearing her throat.

 

“I’m... Even, I know I have no right,” she begins, letting out a long sigh and squaring her shoulders before looking straight into Even’s eyes. “I was a real bitch to you,” she says, and Even almost winces. He doesn’t like Sonja calling herself that, although she did hurt him. But he doesn’t interrupt when she goes on.

 

“I know saying it doesn’t change anything, but I guess… I just want you to know I’m sorry for how I treated you.” Sonja shrugs and smiles awkwardly, but Even can tell she is relieved.

 

Almost in spite of himself, Even smiles back at her. He can tell this has been weighing on Sonja for a while, and it’s not like he wants to hold a grudge against her. “It’s okay,” he says, reaching out to pat Sonja’s shoulder. “It can’t have been easy for you to be with me.”

 

“No, Even,” Sonja says forcefully, making Even jump. “Sorry,” she adds, making a face and stepping from one foot to the other for a moment before going on. “You were never difficult to be with. Everything was easy with you— as easy as breathing. I just used your bipolar disorder as an excuse because I didn’t know how to explain that I no longer felt the way I used to about you. And for that I’m extremely sorry.”

 

Even swallows hard and takes a deep breath to steady himself. Sonja’s revelation wasn’t really a surprise: He had kind of guessed that him being bipolar wasn’t the real reason she cheated on him instead of just breaking up with him. However, it feels good to hear it from her.

 

But before he can think of something to say, Sonja puts her hands on Even’s shoulders and looks into his eyes again. “I fucked up, and although us breaking up was inevitable, I should have been honest with you. So please, never let anyone use your illness against you, okay?”

 

Nodding slowly, Even reaches out to cup Sonja’s elbows with his hands. “Thank you,” he says quietly, and then neither of them knows what to say anymore.

 

Sonja eventually lets go of Even, huffing out a nervous laugh. “Wow, look at us, we’re like awkward teenagers again.”

 

Even laughs with her and thinks that although she’s right, he’s glad to have run into her. “There are worse things,” he says then, and Sonja nods slowly.

 

“Well, I’m glad I got to apologise to you,” she sighs smiling warmly at Even. “And I really hope we can... go back to talking someday?” Sonja bites her lip and Even can tell she doesn’t want to suggest they can be friends. It almost makes him smile: Her hatred for clichés has always been one of the things he liked best about her.

 

“I think we can do that, yeah,” he says, smiling gratefully at his ex-girlfriend. “Thanks for…”

 

“Don’t mention it,” Sonja interrupts and then throws her arms around Even again. “See you around, Even.”

 

And then she’s gone, disappearing around the corner before Even can say anything else.

 

Letting out a long breath, Even starts walking in direction of the tram stop at Jernbanetorget. He’s still worried, but running into his ex-girlfriend mere minutes after arriving in Oslo convinced him that facing his parents can’t be all that bad.

 

On the tram ride home, Even can’t stop thinking about Isak. Has he arrived at one of his friends’ house’s already? What will he tell them about his life in Italy? Isak told Even he might lie to them at first about being an assassin for the mafia, but Even hopes that Isak’s friends will end up accepting him in spite of his dark past. Sure, Isak made some bad choices, but Even is convinced that he only made them because he was so alone he thought it didn’t matter what he did to stay alive.

 

Even gets off the tram near his parents’ house, and although he’s still terribly nervous, he’s glad to be home. He enters the apartment building on wobbly knees, but by the time he reaches the third floor landing, he’s almost smiling.

 

A few seconds after Even rings the doorbell, his mother opens the door. She lets out an excited squeal and hugs him so tightly Even almost can’t breathe.

 

“Even? I can’t believe it! How are you back already? What happened? Did you think it was a good idea to scare the shit out of your old mother?” she giggles and then kisses both his cheeks before pulling him inside the apartment. “Your father isn’t home yet, so you’re going to have to tell every story twice, because I’m not waiting.”

 

Even laughs at that, dropping his backpack on the floor and toeing off his shoes. “I will, Mamma, don’t worry,” he says, but when he looks up, his mother is frowning at him.

 

“How long are you here for, Even? Your semester ends in a month, aren’t you supposed to be studying for exams?”

 

Sighing deeply, Even purses his lips and puts an arm around his mother’s shoulders. “That’s a long story.”

 

Mamma flicks her long blonde hair over her shoulder, looking slightly worried now, but she’s still smiling. “Okay, let me make coffee for us and you can tell me everything while we enjoy some of Pappa’s homemade cookies.”

 

Even grins happily, realising he’s feeling hungry. His father is an excellent cook and he’s even better at baking. Even learned everything he knows about food from him, and he suddenly can’t wait to see his dad again. “Sounds good,” he chuckles nervously. It dawns on him that he’s going to have to be slightly dishonest with his mother, and he doesn’t like that idea at all. But he has the story prepared and well thought-out in his head, so it should be fine.

 

Luckily, Mamma doesn’t seem to notice how anxious Even is. “Alright, give me two minutes,” she calls cheerfully and hurries off into the kitchen.

 

A few minutes later, Even is sitting on the couch next to his mother, holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a cookie in the other, ready to tell her everything from the beginning. With his heart in his throat, he starts by telling her that shortly after the break-up with Sonja, he started thinking he might be pansexual. Mamma asks what that means, and when Even explains, she smiles warmly at him.

 

“Oh, that makes perfect sense,” Mamma chuckles and nudges Even’s shoulder with her nose before taking a sip of her coffee.

 

Even frowns at her. “What do you mean?” he asks and bites a chunk off his cookie.

 

Mamma puts her cup down on the table and turns to face Even. “Ever since you were little, you always saw the beauty in everything and everyone, Even. I remember one day shortly after you met Mikael and the boys in kindergarten, you came home to tell me that Mikael had the most beautiful hair you’d ever seen. And a few days after that, you remarked that your classmate Annika looked very nice in her green dress, and you didn’t describe her differently than Mikael. They were both equally beautiful to you. You even used the same words.”

 

Even swallows hard, feeling relief washing over him like a wave of warm water. Seeing the proud and happy expression on his mother’s face, he has no idea why he was worried she would react negatively.

 

From then on, the rest of the story flows out of Even more easily. Mamma listens quietly, trying hard not to look too worried when Even tells her he up and left Venice after his manic episode. He is, however, surprised when Mamma squeezes his shoulder and tells him that he did the right thing.

 

“Those people were hurting you and that’s not okay. I’m glad you got out of there.”

 

She is less glad when Even tells her he started dealing weed in Naples, but she only frowns, not interrupting him. When he gets to the part about how his weed dealing got him into trouble with the mafia however, Mamma gasps.

 

“For goodness’s sake, Even! Please tell me they don’t know who you are!” She’s as white as a sheet, but Even shushes her, telling her he used a fake name from the day he arrived in Naples.

 

“That’s why I only ever called you when I was at home. I couldn’t let people hear me speak Norwegian, just in case someone could recognise the language,” he explains and Mamma nods slowly, looking slightly less pale.

 

“How did you get away?” she asks then, and Even wraps his arms around her before telling her about his and Isak’s escape. He alters the story slightly, saying Isak was a regular customer at the café where Even worked who happened to have connections to the mafia. Luckily, Mamma seems to believe that, so Even goes on to say that when Isak learned of the mafia’s plans to have Even killed, he decided to help. He also leaves out the part where Isak killed two people while Even was in the room. His mother doesn’t need to know that.

 

When he’s finally done, Mamma sighs deeply and then gently disengages herself from Even to look into his eyes. “So... this Isak person. He sounds like he cares about you.”

 

Her tone is curious, and Even feels himself blush again. “He’s amazing, Mamma,” he says quietly, fidgeting with his fingers and feeling his heartbeat speed up. “He risked his life to save me, and he came back here although he hasn’t lived in Norway for almost ten years.”

 

“Where is he staying now?” Mamma wants to know then, and Even can tell by the look in her eyes that she would invite him to move in here at the first chance she’d get.

 

The thought makes Even’s heartbeat speed up, but he manages to keep his expression calm as he replies. “He’s staying with his friends until he finds a job.”

 

“Oh, alright.” Mamma nods and puts both hands on her knees. “Thank you for telling me about your adventures, Even,” she says then, as if this had been a normal kind of catch-up after a holiday. “We’ll talk about the trouble with your studies when your dad is home, but I’m sure we’ll figure something out.”

 

“Thank you,” Even says as his mother gets to her feet and walks off towards the kitchen. He can hardly believe it was really that easy. “Do you need help in there?” he calls after her.

 

Mamma turns on her heel, giving Even a mock-offended look. “I _can_ cook, my dear son. Just because your father is a professional doesn’t mean I am completely incapable.”

 

“I know, I know,” Even hurries to say, still laughing and holding up both palms in a surrendering gesture. “I trust your skills, mamma.”

 

“Good.” Mamma winks at Even and then disappears into the kitchen. Leaning back into the comfortable cushions on the couch, Even thinks that he really shouldn’t have been so worried. Sure, he still has to face his friends, but after meeting his ex-girlfriend and talking to his mother without getting yelled at, he’s pretty sure he can talk to the boys.

 

Eventually, Even gets up from the couch and goes back to his room. It looks exactly the same as it did the day he left, but it still feels different. Sitting down on his queen size bed, Even thinks it must be because he’s not the same person he was back then. The Even from ten months ago was heartbroken, disillusioned, and desperate for a new start. And now? Even knows he still has some stuff to figure out, but none of that really scares him. He wonders if that has something to do with the fact that he narrowly escaped an assassination attempt only two nights ago.

 

After a while, Even goes back to the kitchen, where his mother is solving a crossword puzzle.

 

“I thought you were cooking?” Even teases, putting a hand on her shoulder.

 

Mamma winks at Even. “Your father called, and when I told him you’re here, he offered to bring pizza for all of us when he gets home.”

 

Even smiles weakly and his mother turns around with a knowing look on her face. “Don’t worry, Even, he won’t judge you. As little as I would.”

 

Pressing a kiss to Mamma’s cheek, Even thinks he must be the luckiest son in the world with a mother like his.

 

“Thanks, Mamma,” he says fondly and then clears his throat. “I think I’m going to go see the boys real quick? Pappa is usually home at seven, right?”

 

Mamma nods and takes Even’s hand. “Sure, darling. Tell them I said hi, okay?”

 

Even kisses his mother’s hand and winks at her. “Will do,” he calls, walking backwards out of the kitchen.

 

Elias, Mutta, Adam, Mikael, and Yousef moved into a kollektiv about a month before Even left for Italy. They would have wanted Even to move in with them too, but before he broke up with Sonja, the two of them were going to look for a place together. And by the time it was clear that wouldn’t happen, Even had already decided to go to Italy for a year.

 

Turning into the street where the boys live, Even wonders if they will still want to live with him if they find out he’s pansexual…

 

Two minutes later, Even rings the doorbell with shaking and sweaty hands, but as soon as Mikael opens the door, Even has no time to be nervous anymore. Mikael screams and throws his arms around Even, and seconds later the other four come running into the hallway, yelling greetings and hugging Even so hard he has trouble breathing.

 

Mikael and Elias lead Even to the living room while the other three hurry to the kitchen to get glasses of juice for everyone, and then they all spread out on the two couches in the kollektiv’s living room.

 

It takes Even all of five minutes to summarise the reason why he’s back from Italy so early. The boys hardly even react to the revelation that Even discovered his pansexuality. They ask what that means and then comment briefly, saying “Good for you, man,” and “You do you.”

 

They do however react a bit more to Even’s story about how he left Venice and became a part-time weed dealer in Naples. Elias says he’d like to swing by Even’s university in Venice and give Even’s bullies a piece of his mind, and Adam agrees. Mutta, on the other hand, is still having trouble wrapping his head around the fact that Even sold weed and got into trouble with the actual, real-life mafia.

 

“So hold on, rewind a bit.”

 

Mutta frowns at Even and then at the rest of the boys. “You quit university because some douchebags beat you up and became a drug lord in Naples? And that’s how you got into trouble with the mob?”

 

He throws both hands in the air, shaking his head. “Did anyone tell you that for you to be good at making movies, your life doesn’t have to be like one? Particularly not some gangster flick where everyone dies in the end?”

 

Even and the rest of the boys burst out laughing, rolling around on the living room floor.

 

“Stop laughing, it’s not funny,” Mutta protests, fighting a grin himself. “You are no match for anyone who has a grudge on you, Even.”

 

“Even can handle himself, Mutta, shut up,” Mikael says, pursing his lips and nudging Even’s shoulder with his own.

 

“Thank you,” Even replies, smiling happily at Mikael. He’s missed all five of the boys, but he’s always felt particularly close to Mikael, the shortest, softest of the group. Although Even couldn’t harm a fly to save his life, he feels protective of Mikael.

 

“In the kitchen maybe,” Elias grumbles, grinning cheekily and making Even gasp in faked outrage.

 

“So... how did you meet that Isak guy?” Adam asks then, and Even’s face falls. He wants to tell the boys the full truth, but that is a bit scary.

 

Even bites his lower lip for a moment and looks around at all five of the boys. They all sit up a bit straighter, watching Even carefully and waiting for him to reply.

 

“Guys, I need you... not to freak out,” Even begins then, smirking slightly when his eyes land on Mutta. “My... our escape was even more hollywood-like than you probably think.”

 

And then he tells them how Isak walked into the café where he worked, and how he climbed into Even’s bedroom in the middle of the night to tell him they had to flee. The boys hang onto his every word, their mouths and eyes opening wider with every sentence.

 

Even doesn’t tell them about Isak’s breakdown during their night in Zurich though. That memory belongs to him and Isak alone.

 

When Even finishes by saying that he doesn’t have Isak’s number because Isak doesn’t have a phone, Elias lets out a loud “tsssk,” making everyone look up at him.

 

“So you’re telling me the guy saves your life, you share a bed, he tells you his life story, and then you don’t even get his number or another kind of contact info?” Elias shakes his head, giving Even a disbelieving smile. “Damn, Even, I thought you had game.”

 

“He has my number,” Even protests, blushing furiously and covering his face with both palms for a moment.

 

“Well, then let’s hope you charmed him enough,” Adam comments, giggling slightly. “I have to hand it to you Even: Only you could fall in love with someone who almost murdered you.”

 

“Shut up, I’m not in love with him,” Even protests, shoving Adam’s upper arm.

 

“Sure you’re not, you only have hearts in your eyes every time you say his name because he _saaaved_ you,” Mutta teases, nudging Even’s thigh with his foot.

 

Even groans and buries his face at Mikael’s shoulder, almost wishing he hadn’t told the boys about Isak. But only almost.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

  


Three days after Even’s return from Italy, his parents accompany him to the dean’s office at his university. Miss Amundsen always liked Even and is aware of his bipolar disorder. Both of Even’s parents assure her that they will do their best to support Even, and Even also makes a good case for himself. In the end, Miss Amundsen insists that Even let her know the second he gets into hot water and then approves for him to repeat the semester.

 

Leaving the university, Even puts an arm around either of his parents, smiling from ear to ear. “I love you guys,” he says cheerfully, pressing a kiss to his mother’s cheek and briefly leaning his head against his father’s shoulder

 

All three of them giggle happily as both his parents wrap one arm around Even. “I’m so proud of you, Even,” Pappa says, smiling warmly at him. “You learned Italian in record time and spent almost a year in a country you don’t even know, studying and making a life for yourself.”

 

Even opens his mouth to protest, but Pappa holds up a hand to stop him. “I know not everything went according to plan and you almost got yourself killed because you have a knack for bad ideas,” he says, making Even’s mother sigh deeply. “But you came back to us in one piece, and you will keep studying and working on making your dreams come true.”

 

Mamma squeezes Even’s side and taps Even’s nose with her finger. “Pappa’s right— although I would rather you don’t get involved with the mafia ever again.” Her expression is stern, but she’s still smiling slightly.

  
“I won’t, Mamma. I’m sorry,” Even says and turns to his father. “I won’t ever break off my studies again, at least not to run away and start… meddling with dangerous people.”

 

He purses his lips and then looks at his feet. “I know I do silly things a lot and make you guys worry too much,” he murmurs, but before he can go on, his mother lifts his chin with one hand, making him look at her.

 

“Don’t say that, Even,” she says softly, the gentle smile on her face making Even feel warm all over. “You’re our son. We’ll always support you no matter what.”

 

Even is fighting tears now, but he manages to smile at his mother before pulling her into a hug. “Thank you,” he murmurs and kisses her cheek again. He then turns to hug his father, who chuckles happily and pats Even’s back.

 

Gently disengaging himself from his father, Even takes a step back and grins at both of them. “I’ll see you tonight, then?”

 

“Sure, I guess you’ll be eating with the boys?” Mamma asks, winking at Even.

 

Even grins and nods. “We’ll probably have kebabs after bowling, and I’ll be home… late?” He makes a face, but his parents just exchange a knowing look and then grin back at him.

 

“Have fun, Even,” Pappa says and takes Mamma’s hand. “We’ll probably be in bed by the time you get home.”

 

Even just laughs at that and waves at his parents. “Alright, see you,” he calls and then turns around, walking off towards the tram stop.

 

On the tram ride to the city centre, Even looks out of the window and tries to make sense of the events of the past week. At this time four days ago, he was on his usual evening tour of shops to buy groceries. And only a few hours later, Isak woke him up and turned his life upside down.

 

Sighing deeply, Even closes his eyes and instantly sees Isak’s face. Even is surprised to realise that he remembers exactly how Isak looks, particularly when he smiles. That slight disbelief in his eyes whenever Even says something nice to him, as if he can’t believe that he deserves kindness is burned onto the inside of Even’s eyelids. And suddenly, he wants nothing more than to see Isak again, to make that disbelief go away.

 

Even keeps his eyes closed as his mind wanders back to the night at the hotel in Zurich. Isak was so scared. At first, Even thought Isak had dreamed about the mafia catching up to them and killing Even. But when Isak told him that it was him, Isak, who killed Even in his dream, Even almost started crying himself. Isak wasn’t afraid of the mafia, but he was terrified of the person he was in Italy— of that ruthless, cold guy who took lives for a living. But in Even’s arms, he wasn’t that person anymore. Even could tell that the longer he held Isak, the more the killer inside Isak disappeared. And although it pained Even to think about how awful Isak felt, he loved the idea that Even holding him was comforting for Isak.

 

When he opens his eyes again, Even realises the tram is pulling up to the stop at Bislett where he has to get off. Jumping to his feet, he shakes his head to get come back to his senses. Isak hasn’t called or texted, and Even knows it’s only been three days and maybe Isak just hasn’t had time to buy a phone. But he still doesn’t believe Isak will get in touch. He looked so sad and reluctant when they said goodbye outside the main station, as if he still thought that no one in their right mind would want to be so much as acquainted with him.

 

And that is why when Even gets off and sees Isak walking on the other side of the street, his heart stops. Isak looks even more beautiful than Even remembers. He’s standing up straight, carrying himself like the skilled fighter Even knows he is, yet he still looks inexplicably soft, even vulnerable. Maybe it’s because Isak’s dark blonde curls are a mess, pointing in all directions, making Even want to run his hands through them. Or maybe it’s because when Isak turns to look in Even’s direction, Even could swear he looks as lost as he did the day he left him outside the main station- although Even is pretty sure that’s wishful thinking.

 

Still, Even doesn’t hesitate, barely checking if there are cars in his way. In several long strides, he crosses the street and approaches Isak from behind, putting a hand on his shoulder once he’s next to him.

 

“Hei,” Even pants, a little breathless, and Isak whirls around, staring at Even as if he were a ghost.

 

“Even,” he mumbles, the ghost of a smile curling his gorgeous lips. For a moment, Even thinks Isak is going to hug him, but then he moves away as if Even’s hand had burned him.

 

As Isak takes a few steps back, Even notices Isak is still wearing the same clothes he wore three days ago: black jeans, black T-shirt, and the black wind-breaker, plus he's still carrying the backpack he brought from Naples. He looks like he’s a bit cold, and there are dark circles under his eyes. It’s obvious he hasn’t slept much, and Even feels instantly reminded of how soundly Isak slept in his arms.

 

“How are you?” Even asks although he can tell Isak isn’t doing well. The longer he looks at Isak, the more he just wants to pull him into his arms, feed him warm food, and wrap him in a hundred blankets.

 

“I’m… I’m good,” Isak says, looking at his hands before briefly meeting Even’s eyes. Even is convinced he's lying. “And you?”

 

Even nods with the most genuine smile he can manage with how anxious he's feeling. He can tell something's wrong but he can't put his finger on what it is, and that is more than just a little worrying. “I just learned that I can keep studying next semester,” he says carefully, hoping that Isak will share what he’s been up to as well.

 

“That’s awesome, Even.” Isak beams at him, and Even can tell he means it. “I’m really glad.”

 

“Yeah, I guess the mafia didn’t even kill my plans for my future,” Even says, raising his eyebrows exaggeratedly and huffing out a single laugh at the stupid joke.

 

Isak pretends to laugh, and Even can tell he’s about to say he has to leave. But Even doesn’t want to let Isak walk away just like that. “I’m going bowling with my friends, do you want to come?” he asks, hoping he doesn’t sound too desperate.

 

Staring at him in surprise, Isak clears his throat. “Uh, I wouldn’t want to... intrude,” he says hesitantly, but Even shakes his head.

  
“There’s six of us already, so one more won’t make much of a difference. Plus, I told them about you and they would love to meet you.”

 

That makes Isak’s eyes go even wider. “You told them… What did you tell them?” he asks, suddenly looking scared.

 

“I told them you saved my life instead of taking it,” Even states honestly, lowering his voice to a murmur. “They almost didn’t believe me. So are you coming?”

 

Isak looks a little pale, but the small smile from before is back on his face. Even thinks that Isak really should smile more: He looks like an angel when he does. “Wow,” he whispers and then meets Even’s eyes again.

 

“I… okay, I guess. Are you going to Solli?” Isak sounds curious now, and Even smiles brightly at him, closing his fingers around Isak's wrist. He holds on for a moment too long, instantly letting go when he catches himself.

 

“Awesome, and yes, we’ll meet my boys there.”

 

On the bus ride to Solli, Even talks about his five best friends, telling Isak how he met them and a few anecdotes to make Isak laugh. Even can’t shake the feeling that Isak wants to tell him something but doesn’t know how. Isak keeps meeting Even’s eye only to look away seconds later, as if he felt caught.

 

Even and Isak have barely gotten off the bus when Even can already hear his friends laughing from across the street. They’re standing outside the bowling alley “Solli bowling,” laughing and joking, but when they see Even and Isak approaching, they fall silent.

 

“Hey boys, this is Isak,” Even says right away, grinning brightly and feeling his heartbeat in his throat. “We travelled back from Italy together,” he adds, although he can tell by the expressions on the boys’ faces that they very well know who Isak is.

 

Elias is the first to step forward and hold out his hand to Isak. “Hey man, good to meet you, I’m Elias,” he says, and Isak takes his hand hesitantly, an awkward grin on his lips.

 

“Likewise,” Isak says, clearing his throat, and then Yousef is holding Isak’s right hand in both of his, smiling warmly at him.

 

“Yousef,” he says softly, and Even thinks he’s going to say something sappy, but before he can worry about Yousef embarrassing Isak, Mikael jumps in and throws both arms around Isak.

 

Isak huffs in surprise and awkwardly pats Mikael’s shoulder blades, gently disengaging himself after a few moments.

 

“Thank you for… bringing him home,” Mikael says then, looking into Isak’s eyes, and Even has to fight a smirk when he notices Isak blushing slightly.

 

“Any time,” Isak mutters and eyes Mutta warily, as if he’s afraid Mutta will hug him too. But Mutta just pats Isak’s shoulders with both hands, smiling broadly at him.

 

“It’s good to meet you,” he says simply and then makes way for Adam. Adam, who is usually the loudest of Even’s friends and who never minces his words.

 

But right now, Adam isn’t saying anything. he reaches for Isak’s hand and shakes it, staring at him with a mix of fear and awe.

 

The rest of the boys chuckle at that, and Elias rolls his eyes at Isak. “This is Adam— he does have a tongue, but it seems he temporarily forgot how to use it,” he grumbles, and that makes everyone burst out laughing, even Isak.

 

After that, the ice is broken. By the time the seven of them are wearing bowling shoes and heading to their assigned lane, it seems to Even as if Isak had been a part of the group for as long as he has.

 

Sure, Isak is still a bit hesitant and he doesn’t seem to know what to say a lot of times, but Even’s friends do their best to include him. Even has never loved them more.

 

After the first round of bowling, Even and Mikael offer to go and buy drinks for everyone, giving Mikael the opportunity to grill Even about Isak.

 

“So…” Mikael begins as soon as he and Even are out of earshot of the group. “He’s nice, your Isak.”

 

“He’s not ‘my’ Isak,” Even protests, but he can’t help a tiny smile curling his lips.

 

Mikael sighs and rolls his eyes. “Well, forgive me for thinking that, I couldn’t help it, with the way you two keep staring at each other.”

 

Even frowns at his friend, leaning his arms on the bar. “We don’t…”

 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Even,” Mikael interrupts him, letting out a short laugh. “I don’t care, okay? I don’t care that he was supposed to kill you.” he lowers his voice at that because a barista is walking past, waving at them to let them know she’ll be there in a moment.

 

Mikael chuckles slightly, shaking his head. “In fact, I think he watches you more like a bodyguard would, not someone who ever so much as thought about killing you,” he muses, smiling at Even with a knowing look in his eyes.

 

“Really?” Even frowns at Mikael and then looks over to the bowling lane, where Isak is standing amidst the boys. He’s talking and laughing with them, but Even has barely looked at him for two seconds when Isak’s head snaps up and he meets Even’s eye. Even smiles at him, and Isak smiles back instantly, almost looking relieved, as if a part of him expected Even to be attacked any second.

 

Even blushes furiously and suddenly doesn't know what to do with his hands. He runs them through his hair and turns back to Mikael, blushing even more at the sight of Mikael’s knowing smile. Folding his hands in his lap, Even stares at his fingers and then huffs out a nervous laugh, searching for words. When he finally manages to look up at Mikael, Even clears his throat, trying his best to sound casual.

 

“I guess... you have a point,” he admits, rolling his eyes as Mikael nods slowly, looking at Even as if he just said the sky was blue or something equally obvious.

 

“Oh I know I have a point,” Mikael says pointedly, winking at Even.

 

“Okay. So what does that mean?” Even asks hesitantly, but Mikael just sighs and pats Even’s arm.

 

“It means I’m giving you my blessing to… date him,” Mikael rolls his eyes, laughing at his own words. “That sounds stupid, I’m not your dad. But I mean… I like the guy, and I think I trust him.”

 

The barista stops in front of the two of them right when Even is about to answer. Even orders four Cokes for Mutta, Elias, Mikael, and Adam, a Fanta for Isak, and two beers for himself and Yousef, and then he turns to Mikael again.

 

“Thanks, Mikki, that means a lot,” he says, pulling Mikael into a one-armed hug.

 

The rest of the evening passes way too slowly for Even’s taste. He would love to just grab Isak by the arm and ask him to go for a walk, but he can already see the looks the boys would give him if he were to pull such an obviously desperate move.

 

Since Isak has destroyed everyone in the first two rounds, Elias insists on a third one, claiming that he just needed ‘the warm-up’ to be on top of his game.

 

It doesn’t help that Isak keeps giving Even that look he gave him when he found him earlier. Whenever their eyes meet, Isak seems to be trying to work up the courage to say something, but he never does. Even is itching to know what is on Isak’s mind, but he’s sure Isak won’t say a word until they’re alone.

 

Isak wins the third round as well, of course, and thankfully, Elias finally admits defeat. He challenges Isak to a Fifa tournament though, swearing that he can destroy _anyone_ at that game.

 

The boys put their shoes back on, and Elias suggest they all head to their favourite kebab place downtown. Even can tell Isak wants to say he should leave, but before Even can say anything, Mutta puts his arm around Isak and waves his finger in front of him.

 

“You’re going to love the kebabs there, I promise,” he laughs and ruffles Isak’s hair. Isak giggles shyly, throwing a glance at Even, who just shrugs and grins at him.

 

“He’s right, they’re pretty good,” Even says as Elias, Adam and Yousef lead the way out of the bowling alley.

 

If Even hoped to get Isak alone during the walk downtown, he couldn’t have been more wrong. Mikael and Mutta both start asking questions as soon as they’re on the main road.

 

“So, did you grow up in Italy?” Mutta asks, frowning slightly.

 

Isak clears his throat and purses his lips, exchanging a quick look with Even. “Uh, I ... moved there when I was twelve,” he says then, biting his lower lip.

 

“Why did you have to move?” Mikael’s voice is soft and his expression worried, like he’s expecting a painful story. Even wants to jump in, to tell Mikael he shouldn’t make Isak talk about something so personal right after meeting him.

 

But then he catches Isak’s eye and is surprised to see him smiling. It’s a weak smile, but when Even’s eyes meet his, Isak nods reassuringly, as if to tell him it’s okay.

 

Taking a deep breath, Isak then turns to Mikael and Mutta. “My parents died in a car accident, and my mum requested in her will that I move in with her sister in Italy.” Isak speaks fast, as if getting the words out quickly hurts less, and Even is itching to hug him. But he doesn’t dare touch him. He remembers their conversation about Sofia at the airport in Zurich all too vividly. When Isak told him about Sofia protecting him by helping him keep his sexuality a secret, Even could instantly tell that Isak wasn’t comfortable about people knowing he’s gay.

 

“Oh shit, that sucks,” Elias calls out from next to Mutta, his expression concerned.

 

“That’s awful, Isak,” Mutta agrees, patting Isak’s shoulder. “So was it your aunt who got you into… you know?”

 

Isak lets out a short, mirthless laugh. “No, that was after… that happened later,” he stutters,visibly upset now. To Even’s great relief, the boys all seem to realise Isak doesn’t want to say anything more and back off. Elias wordlessly pats Isak’s shoulder, giving him an encouraging smile and Mutta looks like he regrets his question, staring at his shoes with his hands in his pockets.

 

“Well, anyway, you must be glad to be back home after all that shit,” Adam says then, earning a slow nod from Isak, who looks… sad and lost somehow. Even remembers feeling like wrapping Isak in a hundred blankets when he spotted him this afternoon. The memory only serves to increase Even's need to be alone with Isak and ask him how he’s been since they last saw each other.

 

Thankfully, the seven of them have just arrived at the kebab restaurant, and while Even’s friends step inside, already calling out their orders, Even holds Isak back by his wrist.

 

Isak turns around, frowning slightly, but before he can say something, Even asks: “Are you okay?”

 

Even knows he sounds desperate, but he doesn’t care. Isak smiles uneasily and nods, but he isn’t meeting Even’s eye when he replies.

 

“Sure, I’m… as good as I can be, I guess.”

 

Closing his hands around Isak’s upper arms, Even waits for Isak to look up at him. When he does, Even almost gasps. Isak’s eyes are wide open in fear, as if he’s terrified Even doesn’t believe him. So Even decides to act like he does. He’d do anything to get Isak to feel less afraid.

 

“Cool. I was just checking,” Even says and then pats Isak’s shoulders before pointing to the door of the restaurant. “Come on, let’s get us some first class kebabs. My treat.”

 

Isak shakes his head in protest, but his smile is slightly more relaxed now. “No, you bought breakfast in Rome.”

 

“You bought the train and plane tickets, so I guess I owe you much more than you owe me,” Even retorts, holding the door open for Isak.

 

“Fine,” Isak concedes, winking at Even as the two of them step up to the counter. Even orders a chicken kebab in pita bread, and Isak does the same. Cengiz, the young man behind the counter nods and then points to a table in the back corner of the restaurant, where Even’s friends have already sat down, chattering excitedly.

 

“I see you and your friends keep bringing me new customers,” he says with a wink at Isak, who blushes slightly. Even hands the money for the two kebabs to Cengiz with a short laugh and winks back, grinning at him.

 

“Sure thing, you make the best kebabs in Oslo, man,” he says and then looks at Isak, who has buried both hands in his pockets and looks from Even to Cengiz and back as if he’s not sure what to do next. 

"Stop flattering me, Even," Cengiz chuckles, but he's obviously pleased. Isak smiles awkwardly at Cengiz and Even, clearly feeling uncomfortable. Luckily, Cengiz has never been a particularly curious person: He only asks if this is Isak's first kebab in Oslo, which Isak confirms with a short nod. Even would comment on that, but he can tell Isak is already feeling exposed, so he just thanks Cengiz and then gently nudges Isak's arm with his elbow.

"You'll love Cengiz's kebabs, they really are the best," he murmurs, and when Isak looks up at Even, he's almost grinning. He then eyes the table where Even's friends are sitting with a worried look, and that's when it suddenly hits Even.

Isak has probably not been among a group of friends for a very long time. Even's heart hurts at the thought, but he manages to smile at Isak anyway as he puts an arm around his shoulder and leads him over to the table.

 

The boys instantly make room for the two of them, asking them what they ordered and telling them Mikael ordered falafel again although he didn’t like it the last time he had it.

 

“I told you, it was just the seasoning,” Mikael laughs, pointing at Elias who is shaking his head while rolling his eyes.

 

“The seasoning is what makes a falafel great, Mikk. If you can’t appreciate it, you’re not worthy,” he scolds, but Mikael is having none of it.

  
“Cengiz said he’ll only put the mild spices on it this time, I bet I’ll love it,” he says stubbornly, making everyone laugh.

 

“Fine, I still think you should stick with kebab, but suit yourself,” Adam groans, throwing both hands in the air in a  surrendering gesture.

 

Even laughs with the boys while carefully watching Isak, who is sitting next to him with a small smile on his lips, hands folded in his lap. Although he knows this is neither the time nor the place, Even’s fingers are itching to reach for Isak’s hand.

 

The boys have started teasing Elias for his bowling skills or the lack thereof, until Yousef throws in that Isak could certainly teach Elias some moves. “Where did you get those skills from anyway, man?” he wonders, turning to Isak with an encouraging smile on his lips.

 

Isak blushes slightly and clears his throat, moving his chair closer to the table. “Uh, my former boss, he… owned a bowling alley, and I had to wait for him there sometimes,” he explains, looking at the boys one after the other, as if he’s worried they will want to know more about Franco.

 

But the boys just nod, looking impressed, and Adam, who’s sitting next to Isak, reaches out to pat Isak’s upper arm. “Well, it’s good that Elias finally realised he’s not as good at bowling as he thinks he is, so thank you, Isak,” he says, smirking at Elias, who rolls his eyes and buries his face in his hands.

 

“Well, at least he’s better than you,” Isak remarks dryly, raising an eyebrow at Adam, who stares at Isak as if he’d just insulted his mother.

 

“Hahaha, there you have it,” Elias laughs at that, winking at Isak with a happy grin. “The master has spoken boys. I may suck compared to Isak, but I’m still much better than all of you.”

 

A rather heated discussion ensues at that remark, but Even hardly notices. He just enjoys watching Isak, sitting amongst Even’s friends, laughing and joking with them as if he’d always been a part of the group. Sure, he still exchanges nervous glances with Even every few moments, but Even can tell Isak is enjoying himself.

 

Finally, Cengiz interrupts the fight about who is the best bowler besides Isak by showing up with everyone’s orders. Even could swear he hears Isak’s stomach rumbling next to him, and when Isak tears into his kebab as if he hadn’t eaten in days, Even feels worried again. He’s convinced that Isak isn’t doing as well as he claimed, but he has no idea how to talk to him about it. At least he’s eating now, and the grateful, happy look he gives Even with a full mouth makes Even’s heartbeat speed up a little.

 

While eating, everyone is more or less silent, except for Mikael, who can’t stop talking about how much he loves his mildly seasoned falafel. Elias scowls at him every time he says it, making the rest of the boys chuckle and roll their eyes.

 

Isak is the first to finish eating and as he wipes his mouth with a napkin, Even can’t help but notice his gorgeous lips. He has the cutest cupid’s bow Even has ever seen, and it’s all he can do not to keep staring at Isak’s mouth. Even distracts himself by folding his napkin and stuffing it into his pocket, while trying to follow the boys’ conversation. They’re discussing their plans for next week-end, when a friend of theirs is organising a party they are dying to attend. Elias knows that his crush will be there, apparently, and Even almost tunes out until he hears Elias mention the name “Eskild.”

 

Elias blushes when he notices Even staring at him, pursing his lips and nodding slowly. “Yeah man, turns out I’m into dudes as well,” he says slowly, and Even’s heart soars as he grins so broadly the corners of his mouth are starting to hurt.

 

“Congratulations, man,” he calls out, taking both of Elias’s hands in his and looking into his friend’s eyes, feeling incredibly proud and happy for him.

 

“Thanks, but don’t tell my parents yet, okay? They still think I’ll end up marrying Sana’s friend Amira or something,” Elias murmurs quietly, and Even hurries to nod at him.

 

“Of course, man, all in your own time.” Even pauses, suddenly remembering something. ”Is that why you guys didn’t care when I told you I’m pan? Because you already knew about Elias?” he asks, looking around at his five best friends.

 

“Dude, we told you,” Adam says with a shrug. “As long as you’re happy, so are we. That goes for Elias as well as for you. Briskeby bros forever.”

 

“Briskeby bros forever,” the rest of them repeat, bumping their fists together. Even throws a sideway glance at Isak, who is blushing furiously and staring at his knees. Looking around at his five boys in question, Even isn’t surprised to see them nod. So he reaches for one of Isak’s hands, which is conveniently already balled into a fist and joins it with the others. Isak stares at Even in amazement and then around at the other five.

 

Adam, Elias, Mutta, Mikael and Yousef all nod in unison, smiling at Isak, who still isn’t saying anything. “Welcome to the squad, bro,” Yousef says brightly then, and Isak swallows hard, apparently searching for words.

 

“Uh, thanks,” he stammers finally, clearing his throat as everyone removes their hands from the circle. Isak looks like he’s trying to say something else but doesn’t know how.

 

“Don’t mention it,” Even says and pats his back, and Isak turns to him with a happy smile.

 

Even’s heart is so full he’s almost worried it might burst. Maybe that’s why when the boys go back to chatting about the party, he finally dares put his hand on Isak’s thigh under the table. Even purposefully doesn’t look at Isak, pretending he’s listening to the boys, but he still feels Isak tense up under his touch. But just when he’s about to pull his hand back, he feels Isak’s hand on top of his own. He finally dares to glance over at him and is surprised to see that Isak is already looking at him. His expression is hesitant and full of fear, but he smiles when Even’s eyes meet his. Even smiles back, feeling his heartbeat in his throat and hoping he doesn’t have sweat beads on his forehead yet. Very gently, Even squeezes Isak’s thigh and then lets go, however not taking his eyes off Isak’s.

 

“So, what do you say, Isak, are you in?” Elias’s voice rips Even out of his trance. He shakes his head and blinks a few times to come to his senses, worried that Isak won’t know what to say.

 

But luckily, Isak seems to have been listening to the boys’ conversation. “Uh, sure, if you guys don’t mind,” he says hesitantly, and it’s all Even can do not to frown at his friends.

 

“Awesome, that’s settled then,” Elias says cheerfully, grinning at the rest of the boys in turn. “Fifa tournament at my place next Saturday before the party.”

 

Even sighs with relief and nods slowly. “Sounds good,” he says, exchanging a meaningful look with Mikael.

 

“You better practice a bit then, Elias,” Mikael teases, getting to his feet and patting Elias’s upper arm. “Who knows what kind of other hidden talents Isak has.”

 

He looks around at Mutta, Yousef and Adam, who all get the hint instantly, standing up as well. Elias seems unphased, but he gets up too, shrugging slightly. “I can beat you, Mikk, that’s not much of a challenge, but okay,” he says nonchalantly, making everyone chuckle.

 

Once the seven of them are out on the street, the boys have decided they’ll all challenge Elias for ‘practice.’ Even says he’ll walk Isak home instead, and thankfully, none of the boys react to that, saying that they’ll see him tomorrow.

 

Even smiles gratefully and then hugs his friends goodbye one after the other. He smiles happily at the sight of his friends hugging Isak as well, and then they’re already walking down the street, leaving Even and Isak alone.

 

“So… where do you have to go?” Even asks, suddenly feeling a bit awkward.

 

Isak chuckles shortly and points towards the main street, and so they start walking.

 

“I like your friends,” Isak says after a few moments, making Even beam at him.

 

“They like you too,” he replies, and the sad smile Isak gives him in return makes Even’s heart hurt.

 

Isak purses his lips and eyes Even hesitatingly for a moment before taking a deep breath. “Did you really tell them… everything?”

 

Even nods, holding Isak’s gaze. “I can’t lie to them, they’re like brothers to me.”

 

“How do they not… hate me, then?” Isak asks, sounding incredulous.

 

Even thinks for a moment, running a hand through his hair. “I guess… They believe people can change,” he says carefully, looking into Isak’s eyes. “You did some bad things, but you’re not a bad person, Isak. I truly believe that, and so do my boys.”

 

Isak’s eyes seem to go wider with every word Even says, and when Even is done talking, Isak swallows hard. “That’s…” his voice cracks and he stops walking, turning away.

 

Even’s heart is in his throat again, but he manages to stay calm as he approaches Isak, hesitantly resting his palm on Isak’s upper arm. “Isak, are you really okay?” he asks quietly, not sure what to think.

 

With a sigh that sounds like a whimper, Isak turns back to Even, his eyes swimming in tears. Even gasps and instinctively reaches for Isak’s hand, pulling him with him to an alcove next to a restaurant in Cort Adeler’s gate, away from the busy main street and prying eyes.

 

Isak goes willingly, following Even into the relative privacy of the alcove. Even’s heart is racing, and once he and Isak are standing inside, two steps apart, both panting slightly, he doesn’t know what to say.

 

Finally, Isak swallows hard and looks into Even’s eyes, apparently searching for words. “I… I haven’t… talked to my friends,” he finally whispers, and Even’s heart sinks. He suspected something like this, but it still hurts to hear it.

 

“Why not? Do they no longer live where they used to?” Even asks, because that is for sure a possibility. People move.

 

But Isak shakes his head. “No, at least… Jonas still lives in Grefsen with his folks, a few streets away from where I used to…” he gets out and trails off, visibly fighting tears.

 

 _So he found them._ A part of Even is relieved that Isak doesn’t have to start over from scratch, that at least his old friends are still here. But that doesn’t help if Isak doesn’t actually talk to them.

 

“I can’t… Even, I can’t just go up to Jonas’s house and asks if he remembers me?” Isak goes on, his voice still shaking. “Because even if he does, he remembers a twelve year old kid who never called or wrote a letter to him in over nine years. And if I tell him…” he lets out a long breath, lowering his voice. “If I tell him I killed for a living, he will never speak to me again.”

 

Even takes a deep breath and then reaches for both of Isak’s hands, making Isak look up at him in surprise. He doesn’t pull his hands back though, so Even feels emboldened to go on.

 

“I don’t want to say I can read your friend’s mind from a distance,” he begins, relieved when Isak smiles weakly at him. “But I know that if you don’t try to talk to him, you’ll never know, and that’s worse in the long run, believe me.”

 

Pursing his lips, Isak takes a deep breath and nods slowly. “I know. I’d just…” he hesitates for a moment, staring at his shoes, before looking up at Even again. “I’d rather freeze to death than find out Jonas hates me.”

 

It takes a few moments for Even to realise what Isak just said. “Wait, what are you…” Even swallows hard and stares at Isak with wide eyes. “Where have you been sleeping? Hotels I hope?”

 

Even hates how desperate his voice sounds but he suddenly has just realised why Isak looks like he’s been sleeping under bridges for three nights. He probably has been doing exactly that, freezing half to death and all alone...

 

Isak looks at his feet again and then clears his throat. “Uh… I spent the first night at a Bed and Breakfast, but I realised I have to save money… I’m not sure how long it will take to find a job so…” Isak’s voice breaks and when he goes on he’s all but whispering. “I’m… sleeping outside, for now.”

 

Even suddenly feels cold, as if he’s the one who's been sleeping outside in the freezing cold for two nights. He’s been holding Isak’s hands while they were talking, but now he lets them go and stares at him as if he’d just admitted to committing another murder.

 

For a long moment, they just stare at each other, Isak looking terrified and Even feeling… disappointed, mostly. Finally, Even squares his shoulders and makes sure not to sound angry when he asks: “Why didn’t you say anything? You have my number, you could have called me from a pay phone or something?”

 

Isak chews his lower lip for a moment and looks down at his hands, which are balled into fists now. “Because… you scare me to death, Even,” he whispers then, letting out a shaking breath. “Or rather…” Isak swallows hard and then finally looks up at Even, his eyes full of sadness and pain. “How I feel when I’m around you scares me.”

Chuckling mirthlessly, Isak cracks a tiny smile at Even before going on. “I’ve managed not to feel anything for two years, and then you come along, and although you knew from day one what I was, you treated me like I… like I’m not a monster. Like I actually matter, not because I’m strong and ruthless, but because you care about me as a person. That scares the fuck out of me.”

 

Even can tell that Isak wants to go on, but he’s heard enough. He steps up to Isak in one long stride and backs him up against the wall, bringing his face so close to Isak’s that their noses are almost touching. Isak gasps and Even can feel him tense up in his arms, like he really is afraid of Even. But that’s not what Even wants, not at all.

 

So Even cups Isak’s face with both hands, revelling at the sight of Isak closing his eyes at the touch. Even’s heart is pounding in his chest as he gently caresses Isak’s temples with his thumbs. Slowly and hesitantly, Isak’s arms coil around Even’s waist, emboldening Even to lean in and brush his nose against Isak’s. Letting out a soft whimper, Isak wraps his arms tighter around Even’s waist, making Even gasp quietly.

 

“You do matter though,” Even whispers then, his lips only inches away from Isak’s. He wants to say something else, but the harsh breath that escapes Isak at his words wipes Even’s mind blank.

 

Still holding Isak’s face between his palms, Even leans forward and captures Isak’s lips with his own. It’s a soft, hesitant kiss, but Even can feel Isak shivering all over at the contact. Moving one hand onto Isak’s neck, he gently tilts Isak’s head back with the other to deepen the kiss. Isak moans softly, his fingers tightening at Even’s waist, and Even closes his eyes to just let himself feel. He leaves one hand on Isak’s neck and ropes his other arm around Isak’s waist to pull him closer. Isak sighs and melts into Even’s embrace, his hands running up along Even’s spine, and he's kissing back as if his life depended on it.

 

Even can’t get enough of this version of Isak. A soft, vulnerable person who shivers at every touch, yet kisses him with purpose and meaning. Maybe that’s why he has no idea how much time has passed when he finally frees Isak’s lips to lean their foreheads together.

 

He waits for Isak to look at him, marvelling at the delirious smile on Isak’s lips. “You’re not sleeping outside tonight,” he whispers then, and Isak closes his eyes and nods slowly. Even just has to kiss him again, this time with one arm wrapped around Isak’s shoulders.

 

“Okay,” Isak murmurs against Even’s mouth, his voice sounding soft, almost hopeful. Pressing another kiss to Isak’s lips, Even then takes Isak’s hand in his and leads him out of the alcove in direction of the next tram stop.

  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Starting over and falling deeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter playlist
> 
>  
> 
> [Notion - Tash Sultana](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbAuwBvOGNU)
> 
>  
> 
> [Hurt - Johnny Cash](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt1Pwfnh5pc)
> 
>  
> 
> [Hurt - Johnny Cash](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt1Pwfnh5pc)
> 
>  
> 
> [It was a sin - The Revivalists](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5N52D5ytkQ)
> 
>  
> 
> [Hurricane - MS MR](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sj684zcmzw)

Isak is surprised his legs are still carrying him on the way to the tram stop. He’s very glad Even is holding his hand because he’s pretty sure he wouldn’t be standing up straight otherwise.

When he woke up under Grünerbrua this morning, feeling so cold he was sure his skin would turn permanently blue, Isak would have never guessed he would be here at the end of the day. He had planned to spend the day trying to work up the courage to walk into some bars and restaurants and ask if they’re hiring. But instead, he got invited to a bowling game and ended up in an alcove somewhere off Solli plass, being kissed by the most beautiful human he’s ever seen.

Although he hates himself for it, Isak doesn’t let Even kiss him again once they’re no longer in the relative privacy of the alcove. But if Even is upset about that, he doesn’t let it show. He sits down next to Isak on the tram, glancing over at him every few moments with a smile that makes Isak weak in the knees.

Noticing that Isak is nervous, Even starts to talk about how his bed is big enough for two but if Isak isn’t comfortable, Even’s mother will surely love to prepare the couch for him.

“Mamma is a great host, she loves nothing more than having guests,” he says with a happy chuckle, and Isak can’t help but smile back at him. Even’s enthusiasm at the prospect of having Isak stay with him is contagious.

“I don’t want to be a burden though,” Isak says shyly, but Even just shakes his head and puts an arm around Isak's shoulders.

“Thinking of you sleeping under bridges is a burden to me, Isak. You sleeping in my bed could never be— believe me,” he murmurs, and the fond tone of his voice sends a shiver down Isak’s spine. He still can’t believe that Even thinks of him as someone worth protecting.

Not knowing what to say, Isak just briefly closes his hand around Even’s wrist. He wishes he was brave enough to hold Even’s hand, but he can still hear the sneering comments of both his aunt and the mafiosi in Naples about people who aren’t straight.

_Those gays are ruining Italian society._

_God will burn them all in hell._

_No real man prefers another man’s touch over a woman’s. It’s unnatural._

_Disgusting faggots._

“Are you okay?” Even’s voice rips Isak out of his thoughts, making him jump. “Sorry,” Even adds, and Isak looks up at him.

Even is watching Isak carefully, as if he is feeling guilty. And as much as Isak is still scared of the way he feels about Even, he doesn’t want Even to feel bad for his sake. So he takes a deep breath and then leans over to whisper in Even’s ear.

“I’d love to sleep in your bed.” Isak says it so fast and so quietly he worries for a second that Even didn’t hear him. But when he moves his head back to look at him, Even is beaming happily.

“Oh, good,” he breathes back, tapping Isak’s nose with his finger, making them both chuckle. “I was worried I overwhelmed you for a second.”

Isak is still searching for words when Even suddenly gets up, tugging at Isak’s backpack. “We have to get off,” he explains and points to the door of the tram.

Getting off them tram after Even, Isak hurries to catch up with him and takes a deep breath before putting a hand on Even’s shoulder. Even turns his head, watching Isak curiously.

“You are overwhelming, but in a good way,” Isak murmurs, quietly but distinctly, looking straight into Even’s eyes. And although they sounded pretentious in his head, Isak can’t bring himself to regret his words when he sees Even’s face light up with the brightest smile he’s ever seen.

“Yeah?” Even asks and reaches for Isak’s hand, starting to walk down the road with him. Isak doesn’t pull his hand back this time but laces his fingers together with Even’s. The street is empty anyway, and he doesn’t want that smile to disappear from Even’s face.

“Yeah,” he affirms then, squeezing Even’s hand and smiling back at him. Even purses his lips and seems to think for a moment. And then he starts running, making Isak yelp with surprise and stumble after him.

Isak’s heart is racing by the time Even stops in front of an apartment building, and Isak isn’t sure he can only blame their sprint down the street for that. Watching Even fumble with his keys, Isak feels anticipation building up inside him that makes his spine tingle. He’s itching to touch Even again and to feel Even’s hands on him, and it’s all he can do not to let out a relieved groan when the door finally swings open.

Isak has barely crossed the threshold when Even grabs him by the shoulders and crowds him up against the wall next to the letterboxes. Isak pulls Even close by his hips as Even’s lips latch onto his throat, making Isak sigh a little bit too loudly. But he doesn’t care. He buries one hand in Even’s hair while coiling his other arm around Even’s waist, closing his eyes as Even’s lips leave a trail of kisses along his neck. With a deep breath, Isak takes in Even’s scent as if to memorise it. Even smells of apple shampoo, sea salt, and a hint of smoke— a combination that somehow fits Even perfectly, although Isak couldn’t explain it to anyone.

“You’re so beautiful, Isak,” Even whispers at Isak’s skin, sending a violent shiver through Isak’s entire body. He’s glad Even’s arms are now locked around his waist, because he’s sure his knees would give out otherwise. Whether it’s due to Even’s touch or his words or both, Isak has no idea, but he doesn’t want either to stop.

“You too,” he gasps as Even nibbles at his earlobe and then tilts his head forward, giving Isak the perfect angle to kiss Even’s collarbone. “I was… so dumb,” Isak mumbles then, moving his head back to finally kiss Even’s lips again. But Even catches Isak’s face in his  hands, and Isak opens his eyes to see Even frowning curiously at him.

“Dumb? Why?” Even asks, cocking his head to the side.

Isak bites his lower lip and looks at his feet, his mind and heart racing. “Because… I thought I could…” he trails off, unable to even say the words ‘kill you.’ A week ago, he’d have had no trouble with that, but now, saying the word ‘kill’ in context with Even seems like the biggest crime there is. And Isak never wants to commit it.

For a moment, Isak worries Even will push him away, but then he feels Even’s thumbs caressing his temples again and he can’t prevent a happy sigh from escaping him. Something about that simple gesture makes Isak go soft and pliant, unable to move a muscle. It feels like Even is touching not just Isak’s skin, but also his soul, and Isak lives for it. Closing his eyes, he tilts his head back and almost whimpers when he feels Even’s breath caressing his face.

“You want to know something?” Even whispers as Isak’s eyes flutter open again. The expression on Even’s face makes Isak’s heart stutter in his chest. Even looks at him with warmth and desire, and if Isak had the courage, he’d surge forward and claim Even’s lips.

But instead he nods wordlessly, hesitantly roping his arms around Even’s waist, waiting for him to go on.

“When you woke me up that night, I thought you were going to kiss me,” Even says softly while his thumbs gently caresses Isak’s temples. If he wasn’t holding Isak’s gaze with a serious look in his eyes, Isak would laugh out loud. “You looked at me like you’d been searching for me for a long time, not like you ever even thought about killing me,” Even goes on, making Isak wince at the last words.

His heart is suddenly pounding in his chest, but Isak forces himself to keep looking at Even as he replies. “Is that why… you weren’t afraid of me?”

Even nods slowly at that, his smile growing wider by the second. “You have to admit it’s a romantic idea,” he murmurs and leans forward to nudge Isak’s nose with his own.

Although Isak would love to just pull Even closer and kiss him senseless, he just has to ask. “Romantic?”

“Yeah, the idea of you climbing into my bedroom in the middle of the night to kiss me awake and run away with me…” Even chuckles and shrugs. “It sounds like the beginning of a great movie.”

Isak can’t believe what he’s just heard. He’s only half convinced Even is serious, but he can’t deny that it’s a relief to hear Even never feared him. So he smiles back at him, shaking his head in disbelief, yet unable to hold back what is surely a droopy smile.

“I can’t believe you,” he whispers and then Even’s soft lips are finally on his. Sighing quietly, Isak feels himself melt into Even’s arms, which are now wrapped around his back. Isak cups Even’s neck with both hands and kisses him back with everything he has, starting to feel dizzy. Even hums against Isak’s lips, the vibration of it sending a jolt of electricity through Isak’s body.

“We should,” Even pants in between kisses, not loosening his hold on Isak, “... go upstairs.”

Isak nods but pulls Even in again, splaying the fingers of his right hand on Even’s cheek and pressing an open-mouthed kiss to Even’s lips.

“I’m serious,” Even gets out, this time gently disengaging himself from Isak, however leaving his hands on Isak’s hips. “If we don’t, I might just tear your clothes off right here,” he murmurs, letting out a sound between a gasp and a moan when Isak presses his lips to Even’s throat. “Please, Isak, the neighbours still like me. I don’t want that to change.”

“Alright,” Isak murmurs against Even’s skin, revelling in the shiver he feels running through Even’s body before finally moving his head back with a hungry grin. “Lead the way.”

It’s dark in the empty staircase, but Isak swears Even is blushing. Although he has no idea where his sudden boldness came from, he can’t bring himself to regret it. For too long, he was afraid of letting himself feel anything. And with Even, Isak feels everything at once. He feels comforted by Even’s touch, cared for every time Even looks at him, and desired with every word Even whispers against his skin.

Although Isak’s knees feel like they’re made of jelly, he manages to follow Even up the stairs, holding on to Even’s hand. On the third landing, Even lets go of Isak, putting a finger to his lips with a wink.

“I think my parents are still out, but I better check,” he whispers, turning around to put the key in the lock. He opens the door and peeks into the hallway. “Hello?” he calls, and then breathes a sigh of relief when no one replies.

Turning back around, Even grins cheekily, but at the sight of Isak’s face he pulls an apologetic grimace. “Uh, sorry, I don’t…” he clears his throat and reaches for Isak’s hand again. “I’m not… ashamed or anything. I just want to have you to myself tonight,” he murmurs, leaning his forehead against Isak’s, and Isak almost lets out a laugh. He’s glad not to have to meet Even’s parents yet, if for no other reason than not to have to decide whether or not he should lie to them about his past.

“Sounds good,” Isak murmurs, blushing at the thought of being alone in a room with Even again. Sure, they’ve spent the night in the same bed in Zurich, but that was different. They were running for their lives, and Isak didn’t allow himself to think that Even would ever look at him the way he’s looking at him now. He thought he’d only ever get to kiss Even in his dreams.

Yet here he is, being crowded against a wall in Even’s family’s hallway, trying not to faint as Even kisses him passionately while holding Isak's face in his hands.

“Very good actually,” Even breathes against Isak’s lips, but Isak has already forgotten what they were talking about. Burying one hand in Even’s hair, he ropes his other arm around Even’s waist, pulling him even closer.

He feels lost and at home at the same time, but just when he thinks that maybe all this is going a bit too fast, Even places his hands at the wall on either side of Isak’s head and kisses the tip of Isak’s nose.

Letting out a long breath as if to steady himself, Even smiles warmly at Isak and takes both of Isak’s hands in his. “Do you want to see my room?” he asks casually, and Isak is glad that he’s pretending that he hasn’t noticed how nervous Isak is.

“Sure,” he says shyly, grinning back with what he hopes is a confident expression. Even nods and pushes the straps of Isak’s backpack off his shoulders. Isak wonders how he could completely forget he was carrying it although Even’s already pushed him against a wall twice…

Isak shrugs off his jacket and Even takes it from him, hanging it up on the coat rack opposite the door. While he and Even toe off their shoes, Isak wonders what Even’s parents will think when they come home to see a stranger’s jacket and shoes in their hallway, but Even has already picked up Isak’s backpack from the floor and is holding out his free hand to Isak.

Swallowing his nerves, Isak takes Even’s hand and follows him down the hall to the last door on the left.

“Please feel right at home,” Even chuckles as the two of them enter his bedroom. Isak smiles at the nervous tone of Even’s voice and watches incredulously as Even turns on the light and carefully sets the backpack down on the desk next to the door. He then turns to Isak with an inviting smile on his face and waves his free arm around in a half circle. “Excuse the mess.”

Isak doesn’t see a mess though. Sure, there are clothes, pencils, and pieces of paper lying all over the floor, but the first thing that catches his eye is a king sized bed standing close to the window on the right side of the room. Isak swallows hard at the sight, although he knows he wants to be here. But before he can worry that Even might be expecting more than Isak is prepared to give, Even steps in front of him. Slinking his arms over Isak’s shoulders, he nudges Isak’s nose with his own and presses a short, sweet kiss to his lips.

“Hey,” he murmurs quietly, the softness in his voice making Isak weak in the knees again. “I brought you here because you have nowhere to stay, alright?”

Isak nods and looks up into Even’s beautiful blue eyes. “I know,” he croaks, and Even smiles gently.

“Good. Because no matter where we are, nothing will happen unless you want it to, okay? You don’t owe me anything,” Even goes on, and Isak feels himself relax at the words.

It’s not like he expected Even to take advantage of him. But after all the time he spent among men who treated women like cattle, Isak couldn’t help but think of sexual encounters as something unpleasant for at least one party involved.

Even moves behind him, his arms coiling around Isak’s waist and Isak automatically leans back against Even’s chest. And just when he’s about to turn around to kiss Even again, Even’s wardrobe catches his eye.

It’s a big old-school wardrobe made of dark brown wood, standing at the wall facing the door. Both doors are covered with pencil drawings on paper in various colours. Even notices that Isak has spotted the drawings and chuckles in his ear, making a warm shiver run down Isak’s spine.

“That’s right, I haven’t told you,” Even muses, and Isak turns his head to grin cheekily at him.

“You drew these?” he asks, but it’s a rhetorical question. Even nods at Isak’s neck while slowly walking the two of them towards to the wardrobe. From up close, Isak sees that most of the drawings are comic strips, some with and some without dialogue, but they’re all exceptionally good. The attention to detail and carefully drawn lines make it clear that Even puts a lot of effort and love into his work.

Gently running his index finger back and forth on Even’s forearm, Isak smiles at the drawings, thinking that he should really ask Even what they represent. But then he feels Even’s warm lips on his neck and the train of thought is lost.

Turning around in Even’s arms with a soft sigh, Isak twines his arms around Even’s neck and tilts his chin up, wordlessly asking for a kiss. Even is happy to oblige, cradling Isak’s head between his palms and leaning in to slot their lips together. Isak’s eyes flutter shut and he automatically clings to Even’s body, allowing Even to tip his head back to deepen the kiss.

Isak is starting to feel dizzy again, and as if he can tell, Even gently guides him backwards towards the bed, not removing his lips from Isak’s. When the backs of Isak’s knees hit the mattress, Even briefly frees Isak’s lips to raise both eyebrows at him in a silent question.

Nodding breathlessly, Isak sits down, and after a moment’s deliberation, he grabs Even by the hips and pulls him onto his lap. Even lets out a cheerful laugh, the sound like music to his ears. He could listen to Even’s laugh and stare at his smile all day and not get tired of it.

Isak’s hands reach for Even’s hips, making Even straddle his thighs. They stare into each others eyes as Even runs his hands up along Isak’s arms to rest them on Isak’s shoulders.

“Hey,” Even murmurs then, his warm breath ticking Isak’s face, and Isak is glad he’s sitting down.

“Hey,” he croaks back just when Even’s hands once again caress his face. It doesn’t make sense, the way Even looks at him, and it probably never will. But Isak soaks it up, the tenderness in Even’s gaze and touch, feels it light him up from the inside and make him feel warmer than he ever did before.

Isak let’s his eyes fall shut as Even leans in and is surprised to feel Even’s lips touch his forehead instead of his mouth. He blushes as Even kisses both his eyelids and then his nose. By the time Even’s lips finally meet his own, Isak’s body feels as if it were made of wax.

He has never felt this vulnerable before, but somehow he also feels safe, even cared for. Even touches him carefully, always checking if Isak is comfortable with what Even is doing. No one has ever paid this much attention to how Isak feels, to what he needs and wants.

The thought almost makes Isak cry happy tears. Smiling under Even's lips, Isak runs his hands up along Even’s back, pulling him close until their chests are pressed together and he can feel Even’s heartbeat against his own again. But unlike the first time that happened, Isak doesn’t feel guilty. He feels grateful.

His body falls backwards into the pillows and Isak cradles Even’s face in his palms. He keeps kissing Even, slowly and carefully, as if to say with his body what he can’t say with words. Even kisses him back just as softly, framing Isak’s head with his lower arms, his fingers playing with Isak’s hair.

Eventually, Even lies down next to Isak, pulling him close until their noses are touching. His right arm is wrapped around Isak’s back and Isak is caressing Even’s temples with his thumbs. He can’t look away from Even’s beautiful eyes, thinking that he must be dreaming.

“You’re too good to me,” Isak whispers, gently brushing Even’s nose with his own. Even smiles and slowly shakes his head, pressing a kiss to Isak’s forehead and then his lips.

“No. I just have a crush on you,” he breathes then, making Isak’s heart stutter in his chest. _Who even says things like that?_

Not really knowing how to respond, Isak leans forward and kisses Even again, closing his eyes. There are soft fingers drawing circles onto Isak’s back while Even’s lips move lazily against Isak’s, as if they have all the time in the world.

And maybe they do. Because Isak has no idea how much time has passed when Even sits up and asks him if he needs a pair of pajamas.

“I can offer sweat pants and a t-shirt, if that’s okay?” Even eyes Isak carefully, and Isak can’t help but let out a short laugh at Even’s nervous expression. He’s not sure why, but Even seeming terrified of making Isak feel uncomfortable is so endearing it makes his heart feel lighter than it ever has.

“That’s fine,” Isak replies, sitting up as well, but Even has already jumped to his feet. He digs through his wardrobe for a moment and then returns with a pair of grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt with the numbers “4:20” printed onto the front in white.

Even throws the clothes on the bed and then reaches for Isak’s hands, pulling him to his feet. “I don’t want to be rude,” he says carefully, cupping Isak’s face with both hands and kissing his lips. “But do you maybe want to take a shower?”

He makes a face and Isak just has to kiss him again. Only briefly though, because Isak is suddenly very aware of how smelly he must be. “Why the hell would you think that’s rude?” he asks then, holding Even’s face in both hands.

Even blushes furiously and it’s the most adorable thing. His cheeks are almost purple and when he tries to look down, Isak raises Even’s chin with his thumb. “I stink, and I know it,” he says with a smirk, and when Even opens his mouth as if to protest, Isak shuts him up with another kiss.

Sighing against Isak’s mouth, Even melts into the kiss, almost making Isak forget that he really really needs that shower. “Towel,” Even mumbles after a moment, gently disengaging himself and taking Isak’s hand.

Isak blinks a few times as he follows Even into the hall, where Even opens a built-in closet and hands Isak a black towel. It’s big and fluffy, and Isak can’t wait to wrap himself in it once he’s clean again.

“You can use my stuff, it’s on the right side of the shelf in the tub,” Even explains and opens the door next to the closet, ushering Isak inside. His cheek are still red, but he’s smiling again. “I’ll be in my room,” Even adds, ruffling Isak’s hair with one hand and then walking down the hall back to his bedroom.

Isak can’t stop smiling while in the shower. How on earth did he get here? From being just another one of Franco’s chess pieces he went on to have a beautiful man buy him food, offer him shelter and kiss him senseless. If it didn’t feel so real, Isak would be convinced he's dreaming.

For the second time in less than a week, Isak feels like he’s washing off more than dirt in the shower. The water warms up his cold limbs from the inside, and while lathering up with Even’s shampoo and shower gel, Isak thinks that he could really get used to evenings like this. He carefully avoids thinking about the fact that he and Even haven’t discussed for how long Isak can stay here. Hell, Even’s parents don’t even know Isak, and if they ever find out what Isak did for a living back in Italy…

Isak shakes his head to get rid of the thought as he turns off the water and gets out of the shower. He can deal with all that later.

Pulling back the shower curtain, he finds the sweat pants, T-shirt, and even a pair of plain black boxers lying on the toilet seat. Isak didn't notice Even putting them there, but he's grateful for not having to cross the hallway naked. Knowing his luck, Even’s parents would come home the very second he’d walk out of the bathroom.

Isak quickly dries off with the fluffy towel and puts on Even’s clothes. They smell of Even, of course, which makes Isak smile and feel warm from the inside out. He’s never felt so warm in his life, from the inside out.

He makes sure that his hair isn’t dripping water anymore, not wanting to wet Even's pillow. With a quick look into the mirror, Isak hangs up the towel on the rack opposite the sink and then heads back to Even’s room. Even is lying on his bed, wearing black sweatpants and a dark blue t-shirt, and when he looks up at Isak, his face lights up with a bright smile.

“Did you find everything okay?” he asks and sits up as Isak approaches the bed.

Isak nods, smiling contently. “Yes, thank you so much. That felt good.” He feels like he was born again, in more than one way. Even smiles back at him and opens his arms for Isak, sitting up at the edge of the bed.

Stepping between Even’s legs, Isak wraps both arms around Even’s shoulders as Even pulls him close. Isak buries his nose in Even’s hair, closing his eyes with a happy sigh. “I’m so tired,” he mumbles, and as he says it, he feels exhaustion spread from his head all the way down to his toes in a matter of seconds. He melts into Even’s arms and shivers from head to toe when Even laughs softly, the sound reverberating in Isak’s bones.

“We should sleep then,” Even murmurs and gently rolls Isak onto the mattress before getting up. Isak turns onto his side, watching Even turn off the light and then come back to bed, both of them smiling like idiots. Even covers Isak with the blanket and then crawls under it himself, facing Isak.

Isak cups Even’s neck with one hand and leans forward to kiss him, closing his eyes. He feels Even smiling under his lips as Even’s arm coils around his waist to pull him closer. They keep exchanging lazy kisses like that for a while, until Isak is half asleep already.

“I’m so glad I found you,” he whispers against Even’s lips, hearing Even suck in a breath like he’s surprised. But by the time he hears Even breathe back that he too is glad Isak is here, Isak is already drifting off to sleep.

_________________________________________________________________________

_Isak is back in Naples, on the way to his apartment. He feels uneasy but he has no idea why. Walking up the stairs to the second floor, Isak can already tell something is wrong. The door to his apartment is open and the light in the hallway is on. Tiptoeing closer, Isak hears a voice coming from the living room, and he’s pretty sure it’s Franco._

_What the hell is Franco doing here? Isak walks into his apartment and opens the door to his living room, intending to ask his boss why he just barges into Isak’s place without asking. However, the words get stuck in his throat at the sight of his usually tidy, spotlessly clean living room._

_It’s everything but clean now. The carpet is drenched in the blood of at least twenty bodies, lined up on the floor in several rows. Isak instantly recognises a few of his victims: Gianluca Florenzi, one of Franco’s former dealers who tried to go rogue, is lying right next to the sofa, his throat slashed and his skin as white as paper. Right at Isak’s feet lies the body of Enzo De Masi, who raped and killed Franco’s cousin, the wound where Isak’s knife hit his heart clearly visible. Looking up, Isak notices Franco sitting on the armchair Isak never uses._

_Franco grins at Isak, waving his hands around at the bodies on the floor, as if to show off what he accomplished. “Look at everything you did for me, Gio,” he says cheerfully, and Isak’s stomach turns at the words. “Such good, clean, and fast work.”_

_Swallowing hard, Isak tries to say that he’s not proud_ — _that he didn’t ask for Franco to display Isak’s ‘work’ for him like this. But then, Franco’s expression darkens and he fixates Isak with an angry glare._

_“However, I’m missing one. Where is he, Gio? Why did you let him get away?” Franco’s voice is threatening now, and before Isak can even think of a reply, another man steps into the room from the kitchen._

_At first, Isak doesn’t recognise him. The man looks pale, almost like a zombie. He’s wearing a grey suit and a red tie, complete with a matching bowler hat. And when he smiles, Isak tries to scream, but all he manages to get out is a choked groan._

_It’s Martino. There is a gaping hole in his throat where Isak’s knife cut him, and his eyes are wide open, but not in shock._

_“You didn’t expect to see me here, eh?” he taunts, stepping closer to Isak, who can’t move a muscle although he wants to run away. “I’m not going anywhere until Franco gets what you owe him. The body of Even Bech Næsheim. Now, tell us already. Where is he?”_

_Isak sinks to his knees, crying hysterically and shaking his head. “I won’t tell you. You’ll never find him. You’re going to have to kill me, because I’m not saying anything,” he gets out, although his voice is shaking._

_Martino grabs Isak by his upper arms and pulls him to his feet as Franco laughs in his face. “You’ll tell us eventually, and both of you will die together, believe me,” Franco yells and then punches Isak’s jaw._

Isak wakes up, breathing heavily and not knowing where he is. Sitting up, he notices Even lying next to him, fast asleep. It's a relief to hear him breathing, but Isak's heart is still racing. Although Even wasn't hurt in this dream, it still feels much worse than the one he had four nights ago. At least that one was entirely hypothetical. In this dream, Franco confronted Isak with every life he has taken.

This time, Isak doesn’t cry. He feels like he doesn't deserve to feel sad about the life he lead in Naples. Of course, not taking the offer to work for the mafia after saving Eleonora’s life would have been dangerous and he would have had to run even further— and that would have been rather difficult since he had no money back then— but Isak had a choice and he chose wrong.

Looking over at Even, Isak is still somehow glad his choices got him here. Isak smiles to himself and reaches out to carefully cup Even's face with one hand. He looks so beautiful like this, his face turned towards Isak,his hands lying on the pillow in front of him.

Isak takes a deep breath and lies back down, turning his back to Even and carefully avoiding moving the blanket too much. His heart is still beating a mile a minute and he knows he won’t be able to fall asleep again for a while, but he doesn’t want to wake Even.

However, just when Isak has closed his eyes, he hears Even stir. Isak keeps very still, hoping Even won’t actually wake up, but then he feels Even’s arms coil around his waist. And although Isak wants to push Even away, he’s powerless against his gentle touch. Before he can think to do anything else, Isak melts into Even’s embrace, closing his eyes as Even hooks his chin on Isak’s shoulder.

“Why are you awake?” Even murmurs, resting his hand over Isak’s heart. Isak holds his breath but it’s no use. “Your heart is racing.” Even’s tone is worried now, making Isak let out a sigh. “What’s wrong?” Even whispers then, pressing a gentle kiss to Isak’s collarbone.

“I can’t tell you,” Isak whispers back, swallowing hard. “You’ll just… hate me.” Hearing Even’s breath catching, Isak is glad they're not facing each other right now. He’s convinced he would burst into tears at the sight of the pain and disappointment on Even’s face.

“I think we established that I don’t hate you Isak,” Even says softly, his finger drawing lazy patterns onto Isak’s chest. “I know you killed for a living, but I don’t care…”

“How can you not care, Even?” Isak burst out suddenly. Even jumps but Isak hardly notices. He sits up and buries his face in his hands. “I saw them in my dream, Even,” Isak croaks from behind his palms, his voice breaking. “The people I killed. They were all nasty criminals, but they all had families, they all had lives. Lives that I took because I got paid for it.”

Isak swallows the tears rising in his throat, but when he feels Even’s hands closing around his wrists to remove his hands from his face, he doesn’t have the strength to resist.

Even is on his knees in front of Isak now, his eyes level with Isak’s. But Isak can’t bring himself to look at him. Still, Even holds on to Isak’s hands, lacing their fingers together, waiting for Isak to look up. When Isak finally does, he finds Even watching him with a serious yet calm expression. “Okay,” Even says decidedly, holding Isak’s gaze. “Tell me everything then. Tell me who you killed and why. I want to know everything.”

His voice is steady and Isak can tell he’s serious. And although he’s terrified that Even will kick him out of his life forever if he hears what Isak has done, Isak takes a deep breath and nods.

“Alright,” he says, squeezing Even’s fingers and biting his lip before going on. “Well, you already know about the first guy I killed.”

Even nods at that. “He was going to rape Eleonora, Franco’s niece,” he says, and Isak is surprised that Even still remembers her name.

“Yes,” Isak confirms, shivering slightly at the memory of the brutal man almost choking him to death. “I hit him to make him let go of her and then he tried to choke me. Luckily, I saw that he had a knife at his belt, so I pulled it out and rammed it into his thigh. The guy then turned around and picked me up to throw me to the ground, but I stabbed him in the back. I got… lucky, I guess, because he was dead less than a minute later.”

Isak watches Even’s face while he speaks, relieved to notice that Even’s fingers keep caressing his own the entire time. When Isak pauses, Even nods slowly, his expression still somber. “That sounds like self-defense to me. Go on,” he asks, and Isak can tell Even expects the next story to be much worse. He’s right, and Isak’s stomach churns at the thought. So he hurries to go on before his courage leaves him.

“Eleonora got me a meeting with Franco two days later, and he said he needed a drug dealer who sold dirty heroin on the streets to disappear. Franco made me believe he wanted the guy dead because he didn’t like the idea of people dying from unclean heroin. Of course that dealer was just a competitor whose drugs were cheaper than Franco’s, but I only found that out later.” Isak lets out a mirthless laugh at the memory. “I tracked the guy for two days and then stabbed him in his sleep. He was dead before he really woke up, but I’ll never forget the look in his eyes.”

Swallowing hard, Isak squeezes Even’s fingers again. His lower lip is trembling, but he somehow manages to hold Even’s gaze without crying. “He looked terrified, Even. I could tell he knew he was dying and would do anything to stay alive. But he was dead within seconds and there was nothing more I could do.”

A tear escapes Isak’s left eye but he doesn’t want to let go of Even’s hands to wipe it off. “I wanted to run away after that. But of course, Franco didn’t just send me to the guy’s house without having me watched. I ran into Martino and Emilio waiting for me outside the apartment. Once they had checked that the guy was dead, they escorted me back to Franco’s bar where he congratulated me and offered me a night with his ‘best girl’ as a reward.”

The thought makes Isak pull an uncomfortable grimace, and he’s not surprised to hear Even wince.

“His best girl?” Even asks, sounding scared. “Best girl for what?”

Isak purses his lips and takes a deep breath. “He was mocking both of us by saying that. Since I was new, he was still testing me, and Angela... Angela was the daughter of someone who owed Franco money, so to make sure he would pay up sooner, Franco used her as a sort of prostitute for his men,” he says, his heart hurting at the memory of Angela. “She was so scared of me and I hated it. And I only saw her that one time. A few months later I learned that Franco had her killed because her father didn’t pay his debt in time.” Isak’s voice breaks and he only notices his face is wet with tears when Even reaches behind him and then gently wipes Isak’s cheeks with a tissue.

“You were scared too, weren’t you?” Even asks then and kisses Isak’s cheek. Nodding slowly, Isak looks down at his and Even’s joint hands.

“I was scared shitless,” he whispers, feeling his heart beating rapidly against his ribs as if he were back at that bar two years ago.

Even lets go of Isak’s hands, but only to move behind Isak and pull him into his chest. Isak leans into Even’s arms, sighing with relief. He has only just begun to tell Even everything, but the fact that Even is listening and hasn’t pushed him away yet is reassuring.

“I guess after that you couldn’t just leave, huh?” Even says softly, and the forgiving tone in Even’s voice sends a shiver down Isak’s spine. But before he can give in to the temptation to stop talking, Isak clears his throat and goes on.

“No. Franco welcomed me officially, saying that being a part of the Camorra was an honour and also came with responsibilities. He told me I had just become a member of a family, and that if I ever disappointed them I would come to regret it.” Isak turns his head to look at Even, who is nodding slowly, a pensive look on his face.

“You were trapped,” Even says, and Isak shrugs, giving Even an uneasy smile.

“At least I had a place to stay. Franco pushed Angela into my arms and ordered Martino to bring us to an apartment downtown ‘for some privacy.’” Isak remembers all too well how surreal that evening was. He and Angela were both terrified of what would happen next. Angela was mostly afraid because she had never been with a man and didn’t know what Isak would do to her. And to Isak, every sentence Franco said sounded like a code for ‘kill him and make it look like an accident’, because he was convinced he had disappointed his new boss somehow.

Even lets out a long breath, playing with a lock of Isak’s hair. “What happened then?”

“Well, as soon as we were alone, I checked the entire apartment for bugs and people hiding in closets. And when I didn’t find anything, I told Angela I had no intention of forcing myself on her and asked if she had some food. She didn’t trust me at first, but when I prepared the bed for her and promised her to sleep on the couch, she gave me a sandwich she had in her handbag. Her mum made it for her, but she said she wasn’t hungry.”

Isak bites his lower lip, feeling guilty even after two years. “I should have shared it with her anyway, but I was so hungry. I hadn’t eaten in two days. Sure, I could have gone back to Eleonora’s, but I didn’t dare. What if Franco didn’t like the idea of me seeing his niece without telling him? I was so paranoid. And since Franco hadn’t paid me but just given me an apartment, I still had no money.”

Even kisses Isak’s cheek and then lies back down, pulling Isak with him. “You were kind to Angela, Isak. I’m sure no other member of the Camorra ever was.” His words sound so genuine, Isak can barely comprehend it. However, he isn’t done yet.

“Maybe. But I haven’t told you everything yet.” Isak turns onto his side and Even does the same. Cupping Even’s neck with one hand, Isak leans their foreheads together and takes a deep breath. “Are you sure I should keep going?”

Nodding slowly, Even kisses the tip of Isak’s nose. He’s not smiling, but somehow his eyes are still full of forgiveness. “Keep it coming, I’m ready,” he says then, loosely wrapping an arm around Isak’s waist.

Isak keeps his hand on Even’s neck, feeling like Even’s pulse under his fingers anchors him, reassuring him that this is real and that Even isn’t going anywhere.

And then he goes on, telling Even about every single person he killed in the two years he worked for Franco. He relives all twenty-seven murders with all the horror and disgust he felt before, while and after committing them. Even holds him through it, never not touching him, whispering soothing words whenever a particularly violent sob shakes Isak’s body.

By the time he’s done, Isak feels as exhausted as if he’s just run a marathon. His eyes are burning from crying so much he thinks he must have no tears left for at least a year. But Even’s arms are still holding him. And when Even pulls him close, Isak wraps his arms around Even’s shoulders and throws one leg across Even’s hips, sighing deeply.

Lying here with Even’s hand on his neck and his other arm wrapped tightly around Isak's waist feels like heaven. Isak feels grounded and safe in a way he never thought possible.

Even waits for Isak to look up at him, gently stroking his  cheek with his thumb. And when Isak finally does look into Even's eyes, he almost gasps. Even is smiling at him. Without hesitation or fear or even a trace of disgust in his eyes, Even smiles at Isak, holding him close as if he never wants to let him go.

“I still don’t hate you by the way,” Even whispers then, and when he leans forward to kiss Isak's lips, the tears spill over. Isak tries to kiss Even back, but it’s kind of hard with the renewed sobs tearing from his throat every few moments.

So Even kisses Isak’s forehead and then cups the back of Isak's head, pulling him close to his chest. He holds him like that until Isak's sobs subside, drawing circles onto Isak's back.

When he finally stops crying, Isak’s hides his face in Even's neck, letting himself breathe out the longest sigh ever. And although Isak knows it can't be that easy, it feels like the weight of his past has lifted. It's almost like when Franco hired him, Isak was bitten by a poisonous snake, and by listening to Isak without judgment, Even has sucked that poison out of Isak’s very soul, giving him a chance to start over.

“Thank you,” Isak whispers against Even's skin, feeling the soft chuckle that comes out of Even’s mouth in his own chest.

“You are very welcome,” Even breathes back, kissing the top of Isak's head.

A tiny smile curves Isak's lips and he tilts his head up, silently asking for more. Even obliges of course, gently pressing his mouth to Isak’s.

It's a brief kiss, but so full of gentle affection it almost makes Isak cry again. So in order not to embarrass himself any further, Isak leans his head on Even's shoulder and closes his eyes, sighing quietly.

“I never want to live like that again,” Isak mumbles then, already half asleep. He feels Even press another soft kiss to his forehead and smiles against Even’s neck.

“I promise you’ll never have to,” Even whispers in response, and it’s the last thing Isak hears before finally falling asleep.

_________________________________________________________________________

The next morning, Isak wakes up to an empty bed. He panics for exactly five seconds until he hears Even laughing in the hallway. Relaxing into his pillow again with a comfortable sigh, Isak wonders if he should get up and join Even. But then he remembers that Even doesn’t live alone.

“Yeah, he’s still asleep, but I think I’ll go wake him up now,” Isak hears Even say and then the door opens and closes again a moment later. Lazily turning onto his side, Isak watches Even walk towards him with a soft smile on his face. He leans over Isak and kisses his cheek, making Isak sigh comfortably. “Good morning, sleepy head,” Even teases, his voice low and soft, sending a warm shiver down Isak’s spine.

“Morning,” Isak mumbles and turns onto his back, reaching for Even with both hands. Even lets himself be pulled in for a good-morning kiss and Isak feels like he’s still dreaming.

“Did you sleep okay?” Even asks, then, rubbing his nose against Isak’s.

“Mhm,” Isak murmurs, smiling like an idiot. His arms automatically find their way around Even’s waist, and he pulls Even on top of him, making both of them groan and laugh at the same time. Even frames Isak’s head with his arms and gently brushes a strand of hair out of Isak’s face, smiling warmly at him.

Although Isak is still tired, the look on Even’s face makes his spine tingle. It’s full of promise, heat, and desire, and from one second to another, Isak is wide awake. He reaches up to stroke Even’s cheeks with his fingertips just as Even leans in to kiss him again. Isak’s lips part under Even’s and he hungrily sucks in Even’s breath. It tastes of toothpaste and a hint of coffee, reminding Isak that his own breath must smell horrible since he just woke up. However Even doesn’t seem to care: He hums against Isak’s mouth and then traces Isak’s lips with the tip of his tongue, making Isak feel dizzy.

Even shifts slightly to straddle Isak’s hips and his hands find Isak’s, lacing their fingers together, all while still kissing Isak. Feeling his heart beating frantically against his ribs, Isak does his best to kiss back as Even moves their joint hands above Isak’s head and pins them to the mattress. Isak feels himself harden in his sweatpants, but before he can think of trying to hide it, Even grinds his hips into Isak’s, making both of them moan. Unsurprisingly, Even is just as hard as him, panting desperately and when Even grins knowingly against his lips, Isak can’t hold back anymore.

With an impatient groan, he lets go of Even’s hands and jerks his hips up, tipping Even sideways. Even laughs happily as he drops onto the mattress and instantly reaches for Isak again. “Come here, you,” he whispers, but Isak is already there, crawling onto Even’s chest so they are almost glued together. Feeling Even’s arms coil around his waist, Isak grabs the back of Even’s head and pulls him in for a bruising kiss.

Even utters a sound that Isak would describe as a hungry moan which reverberates in his chest, making Isak gasp against Even’s mouth. Chasing Even’s lips, Isak buries his fingers in Even’s hair and closes his eyes, breathing Even in with every fibre of his being.

Somewhere in the back of his head, Isak thinks it should feel awkward— being with Even like this mere hours after he poured his heart out to him. But somehow, Isak feels more free than he ever has. Free from fear, free from shame, and free from his self-hatred. All he sees, hears, and feels is Even.

And just when Isak thinks that they’re still not close enough, Even throws a leg over Isak’s hip, aligning their bodies just right to give Isak the friction he hasn’t realised he needs. He moans helplessly, holding on to Even's upper arms as Even grinds his hips into Isak’s crotch, burying his face in Isak’s neck.

Isak digs his fingers into Even’s shoulders, panting into his hair, feeling like he’s about to lose his mind. He tries to match Even’s movements, hesitantly bucking his hips to meet Even’s, and when Even moans at Isak’s throat, a violent shiver runs down Isak’s spine.

But then, a knock on the door makes both of them freeze. “Even? Are you guys alright in there?” a woman’s voice asks, sounding audibly amused.

Even groans and Isak blushes furiously, wishing he could sink into the mattress and disappear. “Yes, Mamma, just a minute,” Even calls out and presses a lingering kiss to Isak’s lips before gently disengaging himself and sitting up.

Only then does he notice that Isak is staring at him with what must be a terrified expression, because Even suddenly looks worried.

“Hey, are you alright?” he asks as Isak sits up as well. Isak tries to smile, still feeling mortified but also slightly amused.

“I’m fine,” he murmurs as Even crawls into his lap, framing Isak’s face with his long fingers. “Please tell me your parents don’t know…” Isak trails of, but Even is already shaking his head.

“They only know you saved my life and I think Mamma has already guessed that I kind of have a crush on you,” he says quickly, winking at Isak.

Swallowing hard, Isak leans his forehead against Even’s. “But they don’t know I… what my job was?” he whispers, feeling his heartbeat in his throat. He still finds it hard to believe that Even really forgave him, but the thought of Even’s parents knowing what kind of monster he is makes Isak feel downright sick.

Even’s expression softens and he gently bumps Isak’s nose with his own. “No, I only told them that you found out by coincidence that the mafia wanted to kill me and decided to help me.”

Isak stares incredulously at Even. “I… that's… wow, thank you,” he stutters and coils his arms around Even's waist. For a moment, Isak hesitates before adding: “I hate that you have to lie for me.”

The words come out as a mere whisper and Isak feels a wave of crushing guilt washing over him. Even worried his parents enough by telling them the mafia wanted him dead. If they find out Even's would-be murderer is in their house, they will surely not trust Even anymore. And it will all be Isak’s fault.

“I only lied so they can get to know you before judging you for your past, okay?” Even says softly, as if he had heard Isak’s thoughts. He bites his lower lip and knots his fingers into Isak’s hair, still holding Isak’s gaze. And just when Isak is about to say that Even’s parents liking Isak isn’t worth lying to them, Even goes on.

“They’ll end up loving you no matter what.” He speaks quietly, but his words reverberate in Isak’s soul, making him shiver from the inside out. Isak can tell that Even considers those words fact, without a shadow of a doubt. Closing his eyes, Isak revels in the feeling of Even’s thumbs caressing his temples and then takes a deep breath.

“If you say so,” he whispers back and sighs when Even presses a soft kiss to his lips, chucking against Isak’s mouth.

“I know so,” Even reaffirms and then gets up from the bed, holding his hand out to Isak. “Come on, mamma is making waffles. She can’t wait to meet you.”

Isak nods slowly and takes Even’s hand, letting himself be pulled to his feet. On wobbly knees, he follows Even out of his room.

The hallway is filled with the smell of fresh coffee and waffles, making Isak’s stomach rumble. Even turns around with an encouraging smile on his face and winks before leading Isak into the kitchen. A tall, blonde woman is standing at the stove, cursing at a frying pan.

“Mamma, are you burning the waffles again?” Even asks in a teasing tone, and the woman turns around with a groan. “Don’t be mean, Even, your father… distracted me,” she protests as Even hugs her and kisses her cheek. Even chuckles shortly and then steps aside, smiling at Isak, who instantly lets go of Even’s hand to hold it out to Even’s mother.

“Hello,” he says shyly, feeling terribly awkward, but Even’s mother smiles brightly and shakes Isak’s hand with both of hers.

“Hello, you must be Isak. I’m Ingrid, nice to meet you.”

Isak smiles back hesitantly and nods. “Yes, I am. Nice to meet you too.” He hates how croaky his voice is, but Ingrid doesn’t seem to notice.

“Even has told us a lot about you,” Ingrid goes on, still holding on to Isak’s hand. Her expression is serious now and before Isak can react, she pulls him into her arms and presses a kiss to his forehead. “Thank you for saving my son,” she whispers into Isak’s hair. Isak doesn’t have time to feel embarrassed though, because Even sighs dramatically behind his mother.

“Mamma, let him breathe,” he says with a chuckle, but Ingrid squeezes Isak one more time before letting go and scowling at Even.

“Excuse me for being grateful to the man who saved my chaotic son’s life,” she grumbles, however with a smile on her face. She ruffles Even’s hair in passing as she heads back to the stove, moving two delicious looking waffles onto a plate sitting inside the oven.

“Can you go wake Pappa, I think he went back to sleep,” she adds then, but Even has barely opened his mouth to reply when an even taller man walks into the kitchen.

“I’m awake, Ingrid, what are you talking about?” he grumbles as Even walks up to him and gives him a brief hug. Patting his shoulder, Even’s father notices Isak and clears his throat, gently disengaging himself from his son. “Hello, I’m Lorentz. I guess you’re Isak?”

Isak shakes Even’s father’s outstretched hand, nodding curtly. “Yes, hello. Pleased to meet you,” he says nervously, thinking that he would have recognised Lorentz as Even’s father anywhere: His hair is slightly darker than Even’s with a few grey streaks, but his eyes look exactly like Even’s. They’re ice-blue and when he smiles, they almost seem to sparkle a little.

“Likewise, Isak,” Lorentz says then, walking over to the stove to wrap his arms around Ingrid’s waist and kiss her cheek. Isak feels his cheeks heat up at the sight of Ingrid leaning into her husband’s embrace for a moment with a happy sigh. It shouldn’t surprise him that Even’s parents are just as gentle with each other as Even is with Isak, but he thinks he’ll never get used to it. There is a subtle strength in the love Even and his parents obviously have for each other, and it suddenly hits Isak that he misses his friends. They were the only true family he ever had, since his parents didn’t care about him and his aunt downright terrified him most of the time. If only he had the courage to talk to them again…

“I hope you’re hungry,” Ingrid’s voice rips Isak from his thoughts. He shakes his head and looks up just as Even pulls him into his arms and presses a kiss to Isak’s temple. Isak stiffens slightly, but before he can worry about what Even’s parents would think, Ingrid walks past Isak and Even with the plate full of waffles, smiling happily at the sight of Isak and Even. “Gosh, you two are cute,” she says cheerfully, and Isak is sure his face must be deep purple by now.

Lorentz chuckles and pats Even’s shoulder before following his wife out of the kitchen. Isak looks up at Even, a silent question in his eyes. But Even just shrugs, wrapping his arm around Isak’s waist to lead him out of the kitchen. “Come on, we have to get a hold of some unburned waffles, there’s usually only one or two of those,” he chuckles, making Isak huff out a laugh.

“I heard that,” Ingrid calls from the dining room. “Even, you’re getting the two waffles that are slightly burned, the others are perfect.”

Having breakfast with Even and his parents is less awkward than Isak expected. In fact, after only a few minutes, Isak almost feels like he’s been here several times already, as if he were a regular guest at the Bech Næsheim household. The thought makes Isak’s heart jump in his chest. He shouldn’t dream of such things.

While they’re all digging into Ingrid’s delicious waffles, Ingrid and Lorentz stick to safe topics, like Even’s studies, telling Isak that they’re really glad Even will be able to continue them.  Exchanging a meaningful look with Even, Lorentz says that he’s very proud of his son and of how Even has been handling his illness.

“Not to brag, but he’s one of the most creative and hard-working people I know,” he says and pats Even’s lower arm. “He never asked for any kinds of special treatment regardless of his condition, and he’s become his own expert.”

Even’s cheeks turn a little pink at that and he bumps his father’s fist with his own, grinning from ear to ear. “Thanks, Pappa,” he says quietly, and Lorentz smiles back at his son with a proud look in his eyes.

“I’m only- how do you say?- dropping truth bombs?” he muses, making Even and Isak laugh out loud. “What, that’s what Elias said the other day, didn’t he?” Lorentz wonders, and Even sighs dramatically, patting his father’s lower arm.

“Yeah, Pappa, but it sounds weird when you say it,” Even says softly, winking at his dad. “Stick to what you know, remember?”

Lorentz shrugs and cuts off a piece of his second waffle loaded with strawberries and whipped cream. “Oh well, I guess I just wanted to say I’m glad Even is my son and I wouldn’t change a thing about him,” he adds then, looking at Isak, who is fighting tears of joy by now.

“Neither would I,” Isak croaks out, hesitatingly leaning his head on Even’s shoulder. Even kisses the top of Isak’s head in response and when Isak looks up, he could swear he sees a tear glistening in Even’s eye.

“Awwh, look at you two,” Ingrid coos happily, taking a sip of her orange juice and then looking from Even to Isak and back with a curious expression. “Okay, so… did you two start dating before or after the whole mafia drama? Was it like in one of Even’s movies?”

“They’re not _my_ movies, Mamma, I haven’t made any yet,” Even groans, leaning back in his chair and putting an arm around Isak’s shoulders. “But yeah, we got together after… we ran.”

He looks into Isak’s eyes with determination, as if to tell him ‘I got this,’ and Isak nods in agreement. Isak gladly leaves it up to Even to make up a story of how they fell in love. He wonders if that’s what they are, or if this is just Even’s way of distracting his parents from asking about Isak’s past.

“I mean, Isak saved my life, and he admitted to me that me being cute had something to do with it,” Even goes on, making Isak blush again.

“Shut up,” Isak grumbles, but it sounds more affectionate than annoyed. Even raises his eyebrows at Isak with a shrug, and Ingrid lets out a cheerful laugh.

“That is very romantic, indeed. You should make a movie about it, Even.”

Lorentz nods in agreement, and for the rest of the meal, Even and his parents engage in an animated discussion about how such a film could be realised. Isak eats in silence, listening to the three of them argue about camera angles, scene set-ups, and actors. Somehow, he feels happy and sad at the same time. He’s happy for Even, that he has such supportive, kind, and warm-hearted parents who very obviously care about him deeply. But he’s also sad at the thought that he himself doesn’t have a family, and that he probably never will.

Once everyone is done eating, Lorentz clears his throat and turns to Isak with hesitant look on his face. “Isak… I don’t mean to be intrusive,” he begins, and Isak feels his heartbeat speed up. “But… would you mind telling us how you came to be in Italy? Even said you lived there for almost ten years, but he didn’t say why you moved?”

Taking a deep breath, Isak sits up a little straighter. Ingrid and Lorentz are both watching him curiously, but patiently, waiting for him to speak. “Uh, that’s a bit of a long story,” Isak begins then, clearing his throat.

Even reaches for Isak’s hand, and Isak looks over at him with a grateful smile before he starts talking. “I was born in Oslo, me and my parents lived in Grefsen,” he begins, and both Lorentz and Ingrid lean forward so as not to miss a word.

Isak finds it hard to speak about himself, but he feels that he owes Even’s parents an explanation. He sticks to the truth up until Anna-Lena’s death, wanting to lie as little as possible.

Ingrid and Lorentz listen quietly, and Isak can tell they’re trying not to look too sad when he tells them about his parents’ death and his involuntary move to Italy. He’s grateful that they don’t interrupt him, although he can tell that his story isn’t making it easy for them to just sit there and listen.

Isak tells Even’s parents that he got picked up by a kind stranger who let him move in with her until he found a job to support himself. When Ingrid asks how he got into contact with the mafia without being drawn in, Isak sucks in a breath, not sure what to say next. Even’s hand on his thigh helps calm him down though, and he tells Ingrid that he worked at a store which had to pay protection money to the mafia. The money got picked up every two weeks by two mobsters, and one day, while he was restocking goods at the back of the store, Isak overheard them while they were waiting for Isak’s boss. They were discussing a planned assassination, and when Isak heard the name “Anders Jensen”, he just had to do something.

“That sounds like a hell of a risk, Isak. Didn’t you have a life down there? I mean, you have lived in Italy for so long, wasn’t it hard to just up and leave?” Lorentz wonders, and Isak blinks at him a few times, trying to think of what to reply.

“I didn’t really think about that, I just couldn’t let them…” Isak trails off, clearing his throat. “Even was always very nice to me when I went to have coffee at his workplace, and I didn’t really have any other friends there anyway.”

Isak looks over at Even, who smiles warmly at him and closes his fingers around Isak’s wrist. “I just had to do something. I didn’t really think about the consequences,” Isak goes on then, not taking his eyes off Even’s.

Lorentz nods slowly and Ingrid sighs deeply, reaching across the table to cover Isak’s hand with her own. “Well, I can’t thank you enough, Isak. You saved our boy by risking your own life. I have no idea how to ever repay you.”

Isak tries to smile at her, but it almost physically hurts. He almost bursts into tears at the sight of Ingrid and Lorentz’s grateful expressions, thinking that he doesn’t deserve their gratitude. He only spared Even, he didn’t save him.

“You can let him stay with us for a while, for a start,” Even says then, making Isak stare at him. Even is smiling warmly, and although Isak still feels terrible, he’s grateful for the change of topic. “Isak hasn’t found out where his friends live yet, it appears they moved since he left, and he doesn’t have any contact information for any of them,” Even goes on, smiling sweetly at both his parents.

“You’re welcome to stay here for as long as you want,” Ingrid says without missing a beat, and Lorentz nods with a sincere smile.

“She’s right, it’s the least we can do.”

“Awesome, thanks, guys,” Even calls out and then gets to his feet, collecting everyone’s plates and stacking them together.

The four of them clear the table together, and when Even offers to do the dishes, his mother shoos him and Isak out of the kitchen. “You have a guest, go show him around the city and help him find his friends. You have kitchen duty tomorrow,” she says with a wink at Isak.

Even laughs and pulls Isak against his side, leading him down the hall back to his bedroom. “Alright, Mamma, will do,” he calls cheerfully before closing the door and turning to face Isak.

For a moment, the two of them just look at each other, not sure what to do or say. Isak searches Even’s face for traces of sadness or disappointment about having to lie to his parents. However, Even slowly shakes his head, as if he knows what’s going on in Isak’s.

“Don’t,” he says softly and steps closer, slowly and deliberately wrapping his arms around Isak’s back, looking deep into his eyes.

Isak shivers and slinks his arms over Even’s shoulders, leaning their foreheads together. He tries to say something, but he can’t find the words, so he ends up just letting out a long sigh and closing his eyes.

“I told you they would love you, didn’t I?” Even whispers then, and Isak is about to protest, but Even is already going on. “I know they don’t know everything yet, but just think about it…” He nudges Isak’s nose with his own and Isak opens his eyes again, unable to hold back a smile. Even grins back cheekily, moving one hand to the side of Isak’s face. “You were supposed to kill me, and by now, all I want to do is kiss you senseless every minute of every day. I may be a bit of a romantic, but I’m not dumb, okay?” he says then, and Isak’s mouth suddenly feels dry.

“You’re… incredible,” he murmurs and leans forward to press his lips to Even’s. Smiling against Isak’s mouth, Even kisses him again and then cups Isak’s face with both hands.

He’s blushing slightly, and Isak thinks Even has never looked more handsome. “You too,” Even says then, pressing another short kiss to Isak’s lips before letting go of him and walking over to his bed to sit down. “So, what should we do about your friends?”

Isak blinks several times, startled by the sudden change of topic, but he follows Even to the bed, sitting down next to him with a deep sigh. “I don’t know,” he says honestly, running a hand through his hair. “Can’t I just… find a job first?”

Even nods slowly and then puts up a hand. He leans across the bed, reaching for a notepad on the nightstand and then picks up a pen from the floor. Looking up at Isak again, he smiles encouragingly, tapping the pad with his pen.

“Let’s make some plans,” he announces, and Isak almost laughs at first. But then, he looks into Even’s eyes and realises he’s serious. “You’ll have to get an IB diploma most likely, but you said you were good at school in Italy, right?”

Isak nods at that, suddenly feeling hopeful. He thought until now that he was just going to have to beg for low-paying jobs for the rest of his life to make a living. Getting an actual degree or doing an apprenticeship wasn’t in Isak’s plan because he didn’t think it was possible.

So Isak leans his head on Even’s shoulder, feeling his heartbeat speed up slightly. “I was decent,” he says shyly, feeling himself blush slightly. He always got top marks in Italy, but he doesn’t like to brag.

Even smiles warmly at him, tapping Isak’s nose with the pen. “Actually, I think we should talk to Sana about this. She knows her shit when it comes to education.”

Isak frowns at that. “Who is Sana?”

“Elias’s sister, and one of the best women I know. She used to help us boys with our homework although she’s two years younger.” Even chuckles at the memory and gets up, picking up a pair of jeans from the floor. “She made us play basketball against her and her friends in exchange for her help, and those ladies always kicked our asses. But thanks to Sana, the six of us graduated together and with decent marks.”

Isak is impressed. Nodding slowly, he gets up as well, walking over to Even’s desk to get his backpack. “She sounds awesome,” he says then and opens his bag to get out the last clean pair of jeans, wrinkling his nose at the sight of the three smelly t-shirts in there.

“You can borrow one of mine, the one you’re wearing is a bit too big,” Even says before Isak can so much as think to ask. He looks up to find Even beaming at him and holding out a simple grey Nike T-shirt.

“Thank you.” Isak smiles back, and as he reaches for the T-shirt, Even leans over to kiss him again.

“You’re welcome. Anything for you,” Even says softly, and Isak all but melts, thinking that if it didn’t feel so real, he’d still believe he was dreaming.

About an hour later, Isak and Even are sitting at the dining room table of the Bakkoush family, facing Sana. She looks fierce in her purple hijab and green long-shirt combined with black sweatpants, and from the moment she opened the door, Isak knew that this woman was not to be messed with.

“Alright, so if you want to go to university you need the IB diploma. If you only want to do an apprenticeship it’s not absolutely necessary, but it can help,” she explains, pointing to two sheets of paper in front of her. It’s a guideline for the International Baccalaureate programme offered at several high schools in Oslo. Sana printed it out before Isak and Even got here, and for some reason, Isak feels like she’s challenging him.

“I recommend doing the IB if it’s not too much for you, just in case,” Sana goes on, her tone confirming Isak’s suspicions. She sounds like she’s challenging him to do better at school than her.

Right when he and Isak got here, Sana asked Even why he thought of coming to her to ask what Isak should do about school, and Even just rolled his eyes, telling her she was the best in all her IB classes and aced the exams when she graduated. Sana grinned at that, smiling shyly and telling Even he was right, of course.

Isak can’t help but grin at Sana. He was the same as her while he was still in school. Although he got beaten up regularly for doing it, he couldn’t help but point out the mistakes his fellow students were making in class, particularly math and science. “I think I can manage, thank you. They did teach me a few things in Italy, and I only got top marks,” he says, raising both eyebrows at her.

Even chuckles next to Isak, but Sana merely smirks and shrugs. “Alright, go for it then. I think you have time until the end of April to apply.”

Isak nods slowly and takes a sip of water from the glass in front of him. “That sounds pretty good actually,” he says. It’s still hard to believe, but looking at the papers Sana printed out, Isak is starting to think this can actually work. It’s going to be hard and he’s most certainly going to curse himself for it multiple times, but he knows he wants to try and pass the International Baccalaureate.

Pursing his lips, Isak hesitates for a second before clearing his throat. “Uh, Sana?”

Sana looks up at him with a slight frown. “Yeah?”

“Do you think I could… ask for your help if I get stuck some time?” Isak asks, eyeing Sana warily.

Sana rolls her eyes at Even, who gasps in faked outrage, but she doesn’t let him say anything. “Sure, just be prepared for me calling in a favour once in a while,” she replies dryly, smiling briefly at Isak.

Isak grins to himself for a moment, thinking that Even wasn't kidding: Sana doesn't fool around.

“That’s only fair,” he concedes then with a nod. Getting to his feet, Isak points to the papers in front of Sana. “Can I take these?”

“Sure,” Sana agrees and gets up as well at the same time as Even, who smiles brightly at her.

“Thanks, Sana, you’re too kind. I owe you dinner for this,” he says warmly, and that makes Sana’s face light up with the brightest smile yet.

“Yeah? What are you making? And when?” she asks happily, leaning her back against the wall, raising her eyebrows expectantly at Even.

“How about Chicken Tagine? In two weeks?” Even replies without missing a beat. “You and Yousef at my place? I’m sure my parents would love to see both of you again.”

Sana blushes slightly and nods, looking impressed. “Uh, sure, yeah. Sounds good. Mamma’s recipe I guess?”

Even sucks in a breath, placing a hand on his heart, pretending to be hurt. “With my own twist, thank you very much,” he says, winking at Sana, who emits a peel of laughter.

“Alright, got it,” she laughs and walks up to Even to pat his shoulder. “I can’t wait.”

Isak looks from Sana to Even and back, marvelling at the easy banter between them. Sana seems like the kind of person who doesn’t take shit from anyone, and he can only imagine what she’s been through in her life to turn out that way. But when she talks to Even, Sana seems carefree and joyful, almost as if she forgets to be stern and cold when she’s around him.

Isak totally understands why, but it’s still amazing to him, how easily Even makes people feel good around him. Watching Even tease Sana about her lack of cooking skills and Sana retort by accusing Even of having two left feet on the basketball court, Isak can physically feel himself fall deeper in love with Even. His heart is hammering in his chest and his fingers are itching to touch Even’s face. He wants to wrap his arms around him, kissing the living shit out of him and whispering sweet nothings against his lips.

“Isak, are you okay?” Even’s voice rips Isak from his thoughts. He shakes his head and blinks to focus on Even and Sana, who are both frowning at him.

“Uh, yeah, sorry, I’m…” Isak clears his throat and walks over to Even who reaches for his hand, reassuringly squeezing Isak’s fingers.

“Are you already studying in your head?” Even asks softly, and Isak can’t help but laugh.

“You could say that, yeah.” He smiles back at Even, nodding slightly to reassure him everything’s okay, and Even presses a kiss to Isak’s cheek before turning back to Sana.

“Where are the boys, by the way?” he asks, but Sana merely scoffs, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“How should I know?” she asks, trying to look serious but she can’t hide a small smile tugging at her lips. Even raises both eyebrows at her, and after staring back for a few moments, Sana gives in with an exasperated sigh. “Yousef said they’re all going to Urra Park to film a video of some sorts.” She rolls her eyes and turns around to lead Even and Isak to the hallway. “As you may know, they think they can dance and want to shoot breakdance clips or something.”

Even laughs at that, letting go of Isak’s hand so they can both put on their shoes. “Yousef can dance, but I don’t know about the others,” he chuckles, winking at Sana who is blushing again.

“He can,” she agrees, pursing her lips as if she were trying to avoid smiling too brightly. “I wouldn’t date him if he sucked at anything,” Sana adds quietly, and Isak looks up at her in surprise.

Sana is grinning brightly now, winking at Even when he meets her eye. “You deserve only the best, Sana,” Even agrees and wraps her in a hug.

Briefly hugging Even back, Sana then clears her throat and turns to Isak. “Just text me if you have any questions, okay?” she tells him, giving Isak an encouraging look. “If you study hard and don’t give up, you can do it while working, so you don’t have to live with this one until you graduate.”

She points to Even, who gasps, dramatically clutching his heart as if he’d been shot with an arrow. “Why do you hurt me like this, Sana?” he asks, making both Isak and Sana laugh.

“I’ll think about it, thank you,” Isak says then, shaking Sana’s hand and winking at her. She nods and winks back, opening the door for Even and Isak.

“See you in two weeks then,” she calls after them as Even leads Isak down the stairs.

“If I get over your insult by then, yes,” Even calls back with a laugh, but Sana just groans while rolling her eyes at him.

“Suit yourself, Even.” She doesn’t sound as irritated as she probably wants to, and Even just laughs as the door swings shut behind Sana.

“Is she always like that?” Isak asks once the two of them are out on the street.

Even chuckles and shrugs, bumping his shoulder against Isak’s. “Sana is strong. She had to be, growing up with two brothers and their respective friend groups.”

Isak can tell that there is more behind it than that, but he doesn’t pry. Even obviously doesn’t want to talk about Sana’s life without her present, and he’s glad for it. He’s grateful for Even keeping Isak’s secret from his parents for now, and he’s sure Sana feels the same way about Even not sharing details of her life with someone she has only just met.

“Well, she is tough, but also pretty nice,” Isak remarks, grinning happily at Even. “And she kind of made me want to pass the IB exams with even better marks than her, so I guess that’s good.”

Even laughs at that. “That’s just like Sana. She challenges everyone, be it to basketball games or to bets on who gets better marks.” With a reassuring smile at Isak, Even adds: “I’m sure you’ll do great, Isak.” He sounds so certain, and the look in Even’s eyes makes Isak’s knees weak.

For a moment, Isak just watches Even with an awestruck smile. He wishes he had the courage to just put his arm around the gorgeous man next to him, but he’s too afraid. It’s stupid really, because Isak knows no one in this city— at least not anyone he cares to meet again— and yet he’s terrified of the looks strangers would give him for holding another man’s hand.

Even seems to hear Isak’s thoughts, because he smiles softly and briefly closes his fingers around Isak’s wrist, leaning in to whisper into Isak’s ear.

“Don’t think too much, okay?”

It’s just five simple words, but Isak instantly relaxes when he hears them. Nodding shyly, he smiles at Even. “Okay,” he croaks back, reaching out to brush Even’s fingers with his own, briefly, but with purpose.

They walk to the bus stop in silence after that, and when they get on the bus, Even asks if Isak wants to get some coffee downtown before going back home and starting to work on his application.

“If there’s tea, I’m game,” Isak teases, laughing as Even overdramatically slaps a hand to his forehead.

“How on earth could I forget?” he calls out, making Isak laugh even harder.

They’re still laughing like silly children when they get off the bus near the train station. Isak can’t remember the last time he’s laughed like this, without worrying about who is watching and for no particular reason. By the time he and Even enter the Stockfleths café on Prinsens gate, Isak can’t even remember why they started. And he only stops because he walks straight into Even who suddenly stands still as if rooted to the spot, not saying a word.

Frowning slightly, Isak steps up next to Even, following his gaze. Even is staring at two men sitting at the window in the back corner of the café, and it takes Isak a moment to recognise one of them: It’s Elias, one of Even’s friends Isak met last night, the one who admitted he had a crush on a guy. The guy next to him has short, red hair and is apparently talking nonstop, because Isak can see Elias only nodding and smiling every few moments.

“Is that…” Isak begins, turning to Even, who is now grinning from ear to ear.

“Elias, you bastard,” Even whispers, shaking his head. “Didn’t he say we need to go to that party next Saturday because he wants to ‘run into’ Eskild? And here he is having coffee with the guy.”

Isak nods slowly, remembering how Elias blushed when he told Even about the guy he has a crush on. Elias was a little embarrassed of course, but Isak remembers his surprise at how casually Elias spoke about having feelings for a man. It made Isak wish he was braver himself, but he was mostly just relieved to see how easily Even’s friends accepted Elias’s sexuality. He doesn’t dare think about having a future with Even yet, but it is still a relief to know that the people closest to Even don’t disapprove of Even being with a man.

“Maybe they met by chance?” Isak suggests then, making Even frown.

“Huh, yeah, maybe.” He pauses for a moment and then turns to Isak with a shrug. “I guess we have to get coffee- or tea- somewhere else? I doubt Elias would be delighted if we crashed his date.”

Isak nods quickly, smiling at Even’s thoughtfulness, but just as Even turns around, Elias looks up and spots him.

“Even?” he calls, sounding incredulous.

Raising his eyebrows dramatically, Even turns back around, taking Isak’s hand in his and leading him through the packed café towards Elias and his date.

“Elias, hei,” he says, trying to sound surprised. Elias gets to his feet to hug Even, grinning awkwardly at Isak over Even’s shoulder.

“Hei Isak,” he says then, shaking Isak’s hand as Even turns to Elias’s date, who is watching the three of them curiously across the brim of his coffee cup.

“Hei, I’m Even,” he says brightly, holding out his hand to the stranger. Elias eyes Even carefully as if he’s expecting him to blurt out that he knows the name of Elias’s date.

“Eskild, so good to meet you,” the guy replies, shaking Even’s hand with a curious smile. He has a handsome face, with green eyes and a long, thin nose.

“I had no idea you guys would be here,” Even goes on, staring inquiringly at his friend, who lets out an exasperated sigh.

“Neither did we, until an hour ago,” Eskild throws in, making both Isak and Even look at him curiously. “Elias was on his way home from work when I saw him and asked him to have a cup of coffee with me.”

Eskild reaches across the table to cover Elias’s hand with his own. “I got lucky,” he adds in a soft tone, and Elias blushes slightly, returning Eskild’s gaze with a fond smile on his lips.

“Where do you work?” Isak asks before he can stop himself, almost slapping a hand to his mouth. But Elias looks up at him with a kind expression, apparently glad that the focus is drawn away from him and Eskild for a moment.

“Uh, at a supermarket in Grünerløkka,” he says then. “Why, are you looking for a job?”

Isak nods, squaring his shoulders and trying to smile confidently. “... and an apartment, yeah,” he says with a nervous glance at Even. He doesn’t want Even to think he isn’t comfortable staying with him, but he also doesn’t want to impose on Even’s parents for longer than necessary.

Even chuckles quietly, giving Isak an understanding smile. But before Isak can say something, Elias huffs out a laugh and lightly punches Even’s upper arm.

“Dude, what did you do? Isak is already sick of you,” he giggles, making Even groan and roll his eyes. Even is about to reply when Eskild clears his throat.

“You can move in with me,” he says in a serious tone, making the other three stare at him.

“What?” Elias asks, sounding irritated, leaning forward to look into Eskild’s eyes.

Eskild smiles sweetly at Elias and reaches for his hand, lacing their fingers together. “Honey, as much as I love a whirlwind romance, I don’t think you and I are ready to move in together- yet.”

He winks suggestively at Elias, who blushes instantly and looks down at their joint hands before clearing his throat and smiling back at Eskild. “Uh, yeah, I didn’t…”

“Good,” Eskild interrupts him and lifts Elias’s hand to his lips to kiss his knuckles, and then he turns to Isak. “I’m serious, my roommate Linn just moved in with her girlfriend, leaving my other roommate Noora and me with an empty room.”

Isak exchanges a look with Even, who just shrugs and smiles as if to say Isak might as well go for it. Feeling slightly reassured, Isak turns back to Eskild, clearing his throat. “Uh, are you sure? I mean… your roommate, she wouldn’t mind?” he asks hesitantly, making a face.

Eskild sighs dramatically and takes a sip of his coffee before answering. “Well, you have to go through a rigorous interview process, three appointments within two weeks. Noora will strip-search you when you first come over and of course we’ll need all your passwords for your social media and such.”

By the time Eskild stops talking, both Isak and Even are grinning brightly, and Eskild’s eyes are sparkling with glee.

“Right, lucky for me I don’t have social media at all, so…” Isak says dryly, and Eskild feigns to be shocked, clutching his heart with one hand.

“No facebook? No instagram? But how will we stalk you and find out everything about you then?” he asks in a dramatic voice, winking at Isak.

That makes Isak pause. _Right._ For a second, he has almost forgotten about the past he fled from. Pursing his lips, he takes a deep breath and is about to tell Eskild he should just forget about it, but then Eskild lets out a laugh and gets to his feet, slinking one arm around Isak’s shoulder.

“I’m joking, no one is going to stalk you or strip-search you, Isak,” he chuckles shortly and then sits back down, picking up his coffee cup again. ”Just come by some time to look at the room and meet Noora. If she likes you, you’re welcome to move in- as soon as you find a job, of course. I’m hardly ever home anyway, so I don’t care.”

He winks at Elias, who hides his face behind both palms with a quiet groan. “Stop, Eskild, you’re embarrassing him,” he grumbles, sounding more fond than annoyed.

“It’s… fine,” Isak murmurs hesitantly, not sure what to say next. But then, Even clears his throat, making Eskild and Elias look up at him.

“Isak doesn’t have a phone yet, so I’ll let you know when he’s free to come check out your place, okay?”

Eskild nods and waits for Even to dig his phone out of his back pocket. A minute later, Even has saved Eskild’s number in his phone and turns to Elias, who seems to be unsure whether he should feel embarrassed or amused.

“See you tomorrow, bro?” Even asks, and Elias sits up straighter as Even moves in to hug him.

“Yeah sure.” Elias is evidently relieved that Even and Isak are leaving, and Isak would feel bad if he wasn’t so terrified of what he just got himself into. He can’t move into a kollektiv, not yet … It suddenly strikes him that he might have to repeat his life story a countless number of times to everyone he gets close to here in Oslo. Apart from the fact that he’d rather forget about all of it himself, Isak is convinced that at least Eskild’s roommate won’t just agree to living with a former assassin…

“See you, Isak,” Elias says then, pulling Isak from his thoughts. Isak steps into Elias’s arms and is surprised to hear him whisper at his ear. “Eskild’s roommate is really chill by the way.”

Isak grins at Elias when he pulls back and gives him a grateful nod. Elias nods back and then hugs Even, who whispers something into Elias’s ear that makes Elias’s face turn a deep shade of red. He punches Even's upper arm, muttering curses under his breath, however he doesn't manage to hide a grin.

“What did you tell Elias?” Isak asks once he and Even have shaken Eskild's hand and left the café.

Even chuckles and then eyes Isak with a guilty look in his eyes. “Uh, I told him if he keeps going at this rate he'll have to ask the boys to leave him and Eskild alone in the kollektiv next Friday night.”

Isak feels his cheeks heat up and he huffs out a squeaky laugh, looking at his shoes. By now he should know that neither Even nor his friends are the least bit awkward about guys who date guys. Hell, Isak slept in Even’s arms last night, and they made out pretty heavily this morning. So really, Isak should stop worrying about what people think. But he still can’t fight the feeling that someone will shout at them if he takes Even’s hand or kisses him in public. And Even casually joking about Elias’s love life with Eskild reminds Isak of just how much of a coward he is.

When Isak finally looks up again, Even is smiling knowingly at him, as if he heard everything going on in Isak’s head. A week ago, that would have scared the shit out of Isak. But he isn’t the same person he was a week ago anymore: Isak left the killer inside him behind in Even’s bedroom in Naples, together with his knife. Even kissed away the hard shell Isak had built up in all those years of being and feeling alone last night. And when Isak told Even about the murders he committed, it was more than just a confession. It felt like Isak’s dark past started bleeding out of him when he told Even about the murders he committed. And now, every laugh Even coaxes out of Isak and every kiss they share helps Isak believe that starting over is actually possible.

“Are you hungry too?” Even asks suddenly, and Isak blinks a few times, realising they’re standing outside a W.B. Samson café on Karl Johan’s gate.

“Yeah,” Isak says with a nod at Even just as his stomach grumbles audibly. Even winks at him and then leads the way inside.

They both get a sandwich and a hot drink- Isak choses green tea, which makes Even smile happily at him- and then sit down at one of the tables. For a while, they eat and drink in comfortable silence. Isak is still thinking about the conversation with Eskild and trying to come up with something to say to Even about it. He doesn’t want Even to think he’s eager to get away from Even, but he also needs to stand on his own two feet.

Once they have both finished eating their sandwiches, Even just watches Isak over the brim of his coffee cup for a moment, but then he clears his throat.

“So… I was thinking about the room at Eskild’s kollektiv…” he begins, and Isak’s stomach sinks.

“I didn’t mean to say I don’t want to live with you,” Isak blurts out, leaning forward to cover Even’s hand with his own. “It’s just… I don’t want to… inconvenience you and your parents longer than necessary.”

Even laces their fingers together and nods, smiling warmly at Isak. “Sure, I understand. We did all this backwards a little bit anyway.” Isak frowns at him, but before he can ask what Even means, Even goes on. “We should date first and then move in together.”

 _Date._ Did Even really just say that? Isak’s heart is suddenly in his throat and he has to swallow hard to find his voice again.

“You… are we… dating?” he asks then, his voice croaky and unsure. But Even just nods slowly, holding Isak’s gaze while caressing Isak’s index finger with his thumb.

“If you want, yes,” he all but whispers, and suddenly it’s all Isak can do not to get up, lean across the table and press his lips to Even’s. He’s too afraid, though, so he just nods quickly, squeezing Even’s fingers.

“Yeah,” he breathes then, and when Even’s face lights up as brightly as the sun, Isak’s heart threatens to jump out of his chest with joy.

“Good,” Even says, trying but failing to mask the excitement in his voice. “But anyway,” he goes on then, disentangling his fingers from Isak to fold his hands on the table. “I meant that if you want to move into Eskild’s kollektiv, you’ll need a job.”

He raises both eyebrows at Isak who blinks a few times, shocked at the sudden change of topic. “Uh, yeah, totally.” Biting his lower lip, Isak is about to say that he doubts he ever will get a job when Even pulls his cell phone out of his pocket and puts it on the table between them.

Isak frowns at the phone and then at Even, but Even just points to the screen, wordlessly asking Isak to look at it. “I got a text from Sana while we were walking over here,” he explains, and Isak doesn’t know what to think, so he pulls Even’s phone towards him and reads.

**_Sana_ **

_Even, just in case Isak likes books and isn’t completely_

_useless at sorting them: A friend of mine works at the_

_university library and says they are looking for people._

 

Isak’s head snaps up and he stares incredulously at Even, who is chewing his lip with a hesitant expression.

“What do you think?” Even asks, carefully eyeing Isak as if he wasn’t sure Sana’s offer was a good idea.

Isak doesn’t quite know what to say. It takes him a long moment to realise what this means. Sana’s job offer together with Eskild’s offer for a room is all Isak needs for a fresh start. His heart is beating frantically against his chest and Isak suddenly feels giddy with joy and hope. Emptying his tea cup in one gulp, he gets to his feet and raises both eyebrows at Even.

“I think I really, really like your friends,” he says as Even gets up as well with a slight frown on his face that turns into a smile at Isak’s words.

“Haha, I guess that means I can tell Sana you’re interested?” Even says then, following Isak out of the café.

“First, I want to get the applications for the IB classes done. But yeah, you can tell her I’m interested.” Isak is surprised at how confident he sounds, and Even’s face lights up as brightly as the sun.

“Awesome! Let’s get home and fill in some forms then,” he says and throws an arm around Isak’s shoulder. And this time, Isak doesn’t hesitate to put his arm around Even’s waist. Like that, they walk down the street towards the tram stop, and Isak thinks that maybe, he does deserve a fresh start. New friends, new job, new apartment… Just like that, everything started falling into place.

But of course, it’s not that easy.

Two days later, Eskild texts Even, inviting him and Isak over to his kollektiv to look at Linn’s room at five in the evening. Even can’t go with Isak because he has his first appointment with a new therapist, so Isak will have to go alone.

“Elias will probably be there, so it’s not like you’re among strangers,” Even reassures Isak, slinking his arms over Isak’s shoulders and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “I’m done at six, so I can pick you up if you’re still there then?”

Isak smirks at him. “You just want to see the room, don’t you?” he teases, wrapping both arms around Even’s waist and leaning their foreheads together.

Even shrugs and purses his lips. “Well, if you’re not going to get sick of me soon, I might spend some time in that room too if you get it so…”

The thought of Even sleeping over at his own place makes Isak blush for a variety of reasons. “True,” he croaks, cupping Even’s neck with one hand to pull him in for another kiss. “I’ll let you know,” he adds then, holding up his new smart phone. He bought it yesterday with some of the money he had saved up in Italy. Even wanted to pay for it, but Isak stopped him, saying that he was going to have a job soon anyway.

With the help of Chris, Sana’s friend who works at the university library, Isak already got an interview for the job, scheduled for the following Thursday. So although he’s still hesitant about it, Isak is really starting to believe things are looking up for him.

The two of them take the tram into the city, parting ways when Even has to change trams to get to his therapist’s office. Even seems a bit nervous when Isak squeezes his hand, but he gives Isak a confident smile before getting off the tram. “See you later,” Even calls and then Isak is on his own.

Luckily, Eskild’s kollektiv isn’t far from the stop Even got off at, and soon Isak is standing in front of the building. Taking a deep breath, he rings the doorbell labelled “E. Tryggvason, N. Saertre, L. Hansen.” Eskild greets him cheerfully over the intercom and buzzes him in. Isak hears voices in the background, thinking it must be Eskild’s roommate and Elias.

However, once Eskild opens the door, he tells Isak that Noora is having ‘a little gathering’ in the living room.

“Come on, I’ll introduce you,” Eskild trills as soon as Isak has taken off his shoes and jacket, putting an arm around Isak’s shoulders and leading him through the hall. Isak feels slightly awkward at the prospect of being paraded around a room full of strangers, but it’s not like he has a choice: Eskild calls out for everyone to listen and the room goes silent as he tells the story of how he and Isak met.

But Isak is barely listening. Because once he sees the people sitting on three comfortable looking couches in Eskild’s living room, he barely remembers to breathe.

Isak first sees Elias, who waves his hand in greeting, and next to him sits a girl with long blonde hair and red-painted lips, smiling invitingly at Isak. But on the couch facing the doorway where he and Eskild are still standing, Isak spots three familiar faces. They’re nine years older than the last Isak saw them, but he has no doubt it’s them.

Jonas is sitting next to a girl with auburn hair and dark brown eyes, one of his arms slung around her shoulder, and Mahdi and Magnus are perched on the couch near the window, each holding a can of beer.

All three of them are staring at Isak as if he were a ghost, and Isak catches himself wishing that were true.

_What the fuck do I do now?_


	7. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The grand finale, I guess ..
> 
> I'm sorry it took so long, I was waiting for all my betas to go over this chapter because it's so long and big and so much is happening! But finally, this work is finished! I hope you enjoyed the ride in this universe and can't wait to share the next one with you! 
> 
> Again, a big THANK YOU to my betas: MACK, I love you for everything you do for me, you're nothing short of amazing! LOU, I think I wouldn't have finished this chapter without your help! and LULU, you're my hero, plain and simple! <3
> 
> Glossary:
> 
> NFS: Norwegian Film School
> 
> stupido: Italian for "fool/stupid person"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Playlist:
> 
>  
> 
> ["Sing for absolution" by Muse](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ck6Hcg2cjk)
> 
>  
> 
> ["Oblivion" by M83](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mkUp1V3ys0)
> 
>  
> 
> ["Edema Ruh" by Nightwish](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95YPVeV2sSM)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ["Soy yo" by Bomba Estero](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxWxXncl53U)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [“Jungle” by Tash Sultana](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZvP7PwUAwM)

Even leaves his new therapist’s office feeling at least five kilos lighter. Theresa is kind, easy-going and very understanding, and although they haven’t really discussed any of Even’s issues yet, Even feels confident that he can trust her.

 

Pulling out his phone, Even is about to text Isak to ask him if he likes the room at Eskild’s kollektiv when he notices Isak has already sent him a message. With a happy smile, Even opens it and reads while walking to the tram stop.

 

**_Isak_ **

_Even can you call me when you get this?_

 

Even’s smile falters and he stares at his phone in shock, his throat suddenly feeling tight. His heart starts beating faster and he swallows hard before pressing the call button and raising the phone to his ear.

 

Isak picks up after the second ring. “Even,” he says, sounding stressed and relieved at the same time.

 

“Are you okay?” Even blurts out, nervously running his fingers through his hair. He doesn’t know what to think but the sound of Isak’s voice makes all kinds of scenarios run through Even’s head, one more scary than the next.

 

For a moment, Isak doesn’t speak. He takes a deep breath and Even hears several anxious voices in the background talking over each other. “Sort of,” Isak finally says, obviously searching for words. “I… kinda ran into… my old friends?”

 

It’s almost phrased like a question, as if Isak isn’t sure, but Even freezes on the spot, his eyes wide in shock. “What?” he whispers, although he heard Isak loud and clear.

 

“They were just… sitting in Eskild’s living room,” Isak goes on, letting out a mirthless laugh. “I have no idea…” He trails off, seemingly lost in thought.

 

Even nods to himself and then straightens up, clearing his throat. “Are you still at Eskild’s? Should I pick you up?” he asks, hoping he doesn’t sound too worried. He doesn’t want to be overbearing, but a big part of Even just wishes he could save Isak from whatever it is he must be feeling right now. “Only if you want,” he adds quickly, nervously biting his lower lip.

 

“Actually, I think I want to stay,” Isak says after a long pause, letting out a long breath. “I mean… since they’re here, I might as well talk to them, you know?”

 

Even almost gasps with surprise. “Are you sure?” he asks quietly, starting to walk again.

 

Isak huffs out a laugh. “I feel like… if I don’t do it now, I never will, you know?” He sounds scared, but also hopeful, and Even suddenly feels immensely proud of Isak.

 

“Go for it. I’m sure they’ll understand,” Even reassures, biting his lower lip before adding: “No matter what happens, you’ll still have me, okay?”

 

Isak sighs deeply on the other end of the line. “I know. Just… how do I tell them, Even? Where do I even begin?”

 

“Start at the beginning,” Even says without hesitation. “Tell them that your aunt lied to them about her address and stopped you from using the phone to keep you from getting in touch with them. And then…” Even hesitates for a moment, taking a deep breath. “Make sure they know you did what you had to do to survive. That’s really all it was.”

 

“Even,” Isak says, his voice croaky and Even is pretty sure Isak is fighting tears. “You’re too good to me,” he whispers then, and Even smiles at the memory of the first time Isak said that to him.

 

“Nah, I just have a crush on you,” he repeats the same reply to Isak he gave back then, making Isak let out half a laugh, half a sob. “Call me after and I’ll pick you up if you want, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Isak agrees, sounding scared but also determined. “Thank you, Even.”

 

“Anytime ba-... Isak,” Even stutters, stopping himself at the last second from calling Isak “baby.” It’s not that he doesn’t want to call him that, he just doesn’t think it’s the right time.

 

“Okay, see you later,” Isak replies curtly and then hangs up, leaving Even breathless and blinking several times, trying to make sense of what just happened.

 

Isak came to Even for support. He even took Even’s advice, from what Even can tell. And Even went and almost called him “baby.”

 

_Good thinking, you moron._

 

It wasn’t the first time Even had to bite his tongue to keep the pet name from slipping out. Even would call Isak all kinds of ridiculously romantic names if he wasn’t so worried Isak would get angry at him for it. Particularly in moments like this, when Isak is feeling scared and overwhelmed, Even wishes he could just tell him that he isn’t going anywhere, that he wants Isak to be his and his alone.

 

Even knows that Isak will need some time, however, and although by now Isak is more than comfortable touching Even when they’re at home, he still keeps his distance out in public. From what Isak told him about his parents and his aunt, Even knows that Isak’s family wasn’t exactly very accepting towards people who aren’t straight, and the Camorra were even worse. Therefore it’s no surprise that Isak has some internal homophobia to overcome, and Even understands that.

 

So Even hopes that Isak didn’t hear his little blunder as he gets on the tram, plopping down on one of the seats with a big sigh. He checks the time on his phone every twenty seconds, although he knows it makes no sense. Isak isn’t going to be able to explain his whole life story to his friends in just a few minutes.

 

By the time Even gets home, he’s calmed down a little, thinking that since he hasn’t heard from Isak yet, that must mean his friends are at least listening to him.

 

He tries to busy himself by sorting his notes from the last semester he attended here in Oslo. At first, Even finds it hard to tear his thoughts away from Isak. But when he finds the notes from a seminar on Baz Luhrman’s work, he’s suddenly lost in memories. The seminar was taught by Even’s favourite professor, Lukas Amundsen. His classes were never boring, and he always encouraged Even to pursue his dream of becoming a director, no matter what anyone else thought.

 

Even spends almost an hour flipping through his notes, laughing out loud several times when a particular passage reminds him of a funny anecdote from class. He doesn’t realise how much time has passed until his mother knocks on his door and tells him dinner is ready.

 

“Isn’t Isak here?” she asks, looking around Even’s room as if she’s expecting Isak to jump out from somewhere.

 

Even stares at her and digs his phone out of his pocket, suddenly worried again. He gasps when he realises it’s been over an hour since he sat down, but before he can call Isak or tell his mother why he’s worried, a text pops up on his phone.

 

**_Isak_ **

_I’m downstairs._

 

“He’s here,” Even tells his mother, getting to his feet. “I’ll go… he doesn’t have a key,” he calls out as he runs from his room to the front door, not waiting to hear what his mother says in reply.

 

With his heart in his throat, Even hurries downstairs, almost tripping over his own feet a few times. He rips the front door open and when he sees Isak sitting on the curb with his back to him, he lets out a relieved sigh.

 

“Isak, are you okay?” Even pants and runs over to him in his socks, crouching down to put his arms around Isak’s shoulders.

 

Isak leans into Even’s arms with a heavy sigh, closing his fingers around Even’s forearm. “I lost them, Even.”

 

Even’s heart sinks at the words and he tightens his hold on Isak, pressing a kiss into his hair. He wants to ask what happened but thinks better of it when Isak draws a shivering breath that lets Even know he’s about to burst into tears.

 

“Come on, let’s go inside, you’re freezing,” he murmurs into Isak’s ear. “Mamma made dinner.”

 

“I’m not hungry,” Isak protests but lets Even pull him to his feet. He sounds so defeated and hopeless it makes Even’s heart hurt. He steadies Isak with one arm around his waist and gently leads him towards the house. Isak still isn’t looking at him and Even is suddenly worried that he might be injured.

 

_If they hit you I will end them._

 

“Ok, we can just lie in my bed then. You don’t have to talk, we can just watch a movie or something,” Even says softly as he rings the doorbell. Isak nods slowly, and only seconds later, the door buzzes open. Even leads Isak inside and up the stairs as quickly as possible. Isak lets his body slump against Even, allowing Even to drag him along, very obviously exhausted. He’s still not looking at Even, his head hung between his shoulders as if he’s ashamed. Even’s heart is thumping uncomfortably in his chest at the sight, and he has to swallow hard around the lump forming in his throat. He hates seeing Isak like this, but he’s glad Isak came back to him.

 

“Is everything alright?” Mamma asks as soon as Even and Isak reach the third floor landing. She looks as worried as Even feels, but Even manages to smile calmly at her.

 

“Isak is tired, I think I’ll take him to bed,” he says distinctly, holding Mamma’s gaze for a moment to make sure she knows not to ask any more questions. At least not right now.

 

Isak waves his hand at Mamma in passing as if to apologise for not saying anything, but then they’re already in Even’s room. Even guides Isak over to his bed, carefully sitting him down and then moving to take off Isak’s jacket and shoes.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want some food?” he asks then, holding Isak’s sneakers and jacket in his hands. Isak still doesn’t look up but just slowly shakes his head, letting out a deep sigh.

 

“Not hungry,” he repeats, his voice heavy with exhaustion, and Even nods although Isak can’t see it, before disappearing into the hallway. While he hangs up Isak’s jacket, Mamma pokes her head out of the bathroom, a concerned look on her face.

 

“Is Isak alright?” she murmurs, and Even wishes he could just tell her the truth. But although he’s almost sure Mamma would find a way to accept Isak’s past without seeing him differently, Even would bite his own tongue off before betraying Isak like that.

 

So Even takes a deep breath and purses his lips before looking into his mother’s eyes. “I’ll take care of him, Mamma. He’ll be fine.”

 

Even is surprised at how steady his voice sounds. But Mamma’s face lights up with a relieved smile and she reaches out to touch Even’s shoulder. “I’m sure he will, dear. He has you now,” she says, and the confidence in her voice makes Even blush a little. He and Isak haven’t talked about what is going on between them, but Even is sure that no matter what happens, he wants to keep Isak in his life.

 

“Thank you, Mamma.” Even pauses for a moment and then points to the kitchen. “I’ll go get some food for Isak, just in case,” he says, and Mamma nods enthusiastically, emerging from the bathroom to follow Even to the kitchen.

 

“There’s some bread and brunøst, and maybe he’d like some jam as well? I noticed he likes raspberry jam.” Mamma doesn’t even wait for Even to reply before she pulls out the wooden tray from one of the cupboards and opens the fridge.

 

A few minutes later, Even makes his way back to his room with a full tray of food he’s almost sure Isak won’t touch. But Mamma wouldn’t listen, and Even understands: Mamma loves nothing more than spoiling people with food, and it’s always her go-to remedy for when someone is upset.

 

So Even flashes his mother a grateful smile as she opens the door to his room for him and tries very hard not to stare at Isak. He hasn’t moved an inch, still sitting at the foot of Even’s bed with his head hung low, and Even suddenly can’t wait to pull him into his arms.

 

“See you in the morning, boys,” Mamma says softly and Even carefully leans over the tray he’s carrying to kiss her cheek.

 

“Good night, Mamma,” he murmurs, relieved to notice that Mamma’s smile is almost cheerful when she pulls the door shut again. She will definitely ask questions in the morning, but for now, Even is sure he and Isak will be left alone.

 

Gingerly placing the tray on his desk, Even walks over to his bed and kneels down in front of Isak, placing his palms on Isak’s knees and taking a deep breath. “We’re alone now, Isak.”

 

At that, Isak finally lifts his head to look at Even, and Even almost gasps.

 

Isak’s face is tear-streaked and his eyes are red and swollen from crying. He looks like he cried a year’s worth of tears in one evening, and Even just has to hug him. Wrapping both arms tightly around Isak’s shoulders, he pulls him close and buries his nose in Isak’s hair. Isak clutches onto Even’s shoulder blades and lets out a deep sigh.

 

“They hate me,” he says then, his voice sounding hoarse, as if he’d been screaming for hours. Even swallows the lump in his throat and then moves back to cup Isak’s face in both hands. He waits for Isak to meet his eyes before he speaks, wanting to make sure he’s listening. When Isak finally does look at Even, fresh tears are glistening in his eyes and he looks like he’s lost all hope of ever escaping his dark, violent past.

 

“I’m sure they don’t hate you! What did they say?” Even asks then, caressing Isak’s temples with his thumbs, hoping he’s not making Isak hurt even more by questioning him about the talk with his friends.

 

Isak looks down at his knees and sighs again before he replies. “Jonas couldn’t even look at me. He said he’s not sure he can get past the fact that I… took lives for a living. I mean, I can’t blame him…” He trails off, looking up at Even again with a desperate expression, and Even wishes he could just make it all go away.

 

“Isak, you did what you had to do to survive. Did you tell them how you always did your best to make it quick and painless? And that you only ever killed people who were killers themselves?” Even leans in to brush his nose against Isak’s, swallowing hard when he notices a single tear running down Isak’s cheek. He kisses it away before going on.

 

“Did you tell them that you risked your life to save mine? And that you made sure I got back to Norway safely although you haven’t lived here in over ten years?” Even’s voice is almost a whisper now, and he leans his forehead against Isak’s, looking deep into his eyes. Isak is staring back at him with his eyes wide open, his upper lip trembling. It’s obvious he can’t believe what he’s hearing, and Even’s heart breaks at the thought of how much Isak must still despise himself.

They’re both crying now, but Even isn’t done. “Do they know that you’ve been nothing but awesome to me since the moment I met you?” he croaks out, a wave of gratitude washing over him. If it hadn’t been for Isak, Even would have died without any of his family and friends knowing about it.

 

“Fuck, Even,” Isak groans, closing his eyes for a moment. Even thinks he’s going to protest, telling Even he’s wrong, that Isak is a bad person who doesn’t deserve forgiveness. But instead, a choked sob escapes Isak’s throat and he throws both arms around Even, clutching on to him as if he were drowning. Even hugs him back tightly, his heart hammering against his chest as Isak’s tears start to wet the collar of his T-shirt.

 

“It’s okay. Everything will be alright,” Even whispers into Isak’s hair, cupping the back of his head with one hand to pull him even closer. “They will come around, I’m sure of it.”

 

It takes a long time for Isak’s sobs to subside. Even just keeps holding him, drawing circles on Isak’s back while whispering soothing words into his ear. It hurts to see Isak like this, but Even is glad he’s at least letting himself be comforted.

 

Eventually, Isak gently disengages himself from Even and moves his head back to look at him. He tries to smile, although his face is still wet with tears, and reaches up to run his fingers through Even’s hair. Even leans into the touch, feeling a shiver run down his spine when Isak’s eyes meet his.

 

“You’re everything I don’t deserve, Even,” he says softly, leaning in to brush his nose against Even’s. Briefly closing his eyes, Even feels his heartbeat speeding up at Isak’s words. He wraps both arms around Isak’s waist and then looks at him again, trying to smile. But before he can think of something to say, Isak goes on, his voice a croaky whisper. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

 

Even lets out a shivering breath, slowly shaking his head while holding Isak’s gaze. “You do deserve me, Isak. And you deserve your friends back.” Pursing his lips, Even hesitates for a moment before asking: “So, what did they say to make you think you lost them? I mean, Jonas said he’s not sure he can get over… your past, but that doesn’t mean he won’t, right?”

 

Isak sighs deeply and Even shifts from one knee to the other. His legs are starting to hurt from kneeling on the hard floor, and he must have pulled a grimace, because Isak gives him a concerned look. He then pulls his legs up on the bed and draws Even with him. “Let’s… lie down?” he suggests shyly, the soft tone of his voice making Even’s heart flutter. Isak is cute even when he’s sad, and Even almost can’t take it.

 

“Sure,” he replies and moves up onto the bed, resting his head on one of the pillows and reaching for Isak’s waist with one hand as soon as they’re both lying down, facing each other.

 

Isak runs his hand up along Even’s arm and then places it on Even’s neck, and Even sighs comfortably when he feels his own pulse beating against Isak’s fingers. It’s strangely reassuring to have Isak touch him there, if for no other reason than knowing Isak can feel his heartbeat.

 

Taking another deep breath, Isak finally answers Even’s question. “I’m not optimistic about Jonas, to be honest. Even when we were little, he had a very distinct sense of what is right and what is wrong, so I doubt he’ll change his mind.”

 

Isak bites his lip and hesitates for a second before going on. “And Magnus and Mahdi… they hardly spoke at all. Magnus just asked a few questions about the mafia and how I got to work for them, and Mahdi… he just stared at me and ended up telling me that he’s not sure he really heard ‘all this’ or if it’s just a bad dream.”

 

Even makes a face at that. “You can tell him _I_ wish it was all a dream,” he grumbles, making Isak huff out a soundless laugh.

 

“Yeah, me too.” Isak looks into Even’s eyes for a long moment and then his gaze drops to Even’s lips. Without thinking, Even moves forward to kiss him, just a soft brush of lips on lips, but Isak sighs happily an closes his eyes. Running his palm up along Isak’s back, Even then kisses both of Isak’s eyelids, his nose, both cheeks and again his lips until Isak is almost smiling.

 

“Give them time,” Even whispers after a while, and when Isak opens his eyes again, his expression looks almost hopeful. “I know it feels like they rejected you, but I think once they sleep on it and realise how much you’ve been through, your friends will come around.”

 

With a deep sigh, Isak shuffles closer to Even, burying his face at Even’s neck. For a long time, they just lie like this, Even drawing soft circles onto Isak’s back and Isak holding on tightly to Even’s shoulder blades. Even knows Isak is still sad and hopeless, but he also knows that if Isak’s friends are worth a damn, they will come back to him. They just have to.

It’s almost dark outside by the time their rumbling stomachs make Isak and Even laugh, and they finally sit up. Even gets to his feet and carries the tray he brought from the kitchen over to his bed. They eat in silence, exchanging soft smiles and gentle touches every few moments, and by the time the food is gone, Even is sure that no matter what happens, everything will be alright. He can feel it.

 

Even brings the tray back to the kitchen, this time luckily not running into his mother again, and when he comes back Isak’s jeans are lying on the floor and he’s crawled under the sheets, already half-asleep. Smiling happily, Even undresses as well and crawls under the covers next to him, revelling at the little sigh Isak gives when Even wraps an arm around his waist. And after pressing one more kiss to Isak’s lips, Even closes his eyes and soon drifts off to sleep.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

The next ten days pass by in a blur of filling in forms for Isak’s IB classes, preparing his application for the job at the university library and other tedious paperwork. It turns out that coming back to Norway after not having lived here for almost a decade causes all kinds of bureaucratic problems. Isak has to register his residence, get a new ID and social security number and go through more than one awkward conversation about his life in Italy. One night, he wakes up soaked in sweat and tells Even that he dreamed his old boss Franco showed up in Oslo and announced who Isak really is on TV, making it impossible for Isak to keep living in Norway. It is then that the two of them decide to come up with an elaborate backstory for Isak to tell people who can’t know the truth.

 

Thankfully, Even has some experience in making up stories, and at one point, Isak remarks with a smirk that Even seems to enjoy making up lies a bit too much. He’s still much more at ease once the sob story of Isak losing his aunt and living on the streets of Naples for two years until Even found him is written down.

 

“Now you just have to read it over and over again, until it starts feeling a bit like the truth,” Even advises, waving the notebook in front of Isak’s face. They’re sitting in the kitchen, having a late breakfast after Even’s parents have left an hour ago.

 

Isak frowns hesitatingly and takes a swig of coffee before he replies. “Uhu. But it’s not the truth, and it will never be the truth.” He purses his lips, suddenly looking scared. “What if I’ll never… get away from it, Even?”

 

Even’s chair almost flies against the counter behind him as he jumps to his feet and hurries over to Isak. He cups Isak’s face between his palms and hurries to swallow the bite he was chewing. “Isak,” he says then, making sure Isak is looking at him before going on. “You’re not your past. It sucks that you have to lie about some of it, but not to everyone. I know the truth, so do my friends and even your boys know it.” Even shakes his head when Isak opens his mouth, cutting him off. “I know, they’re going to need some time, but they will be on your side. My point is,” Even pauses to take a deep breath, caressing Isak’s temples with his thumbs. “The people who matter will care about you no matter what the truth is.”

 

Isak swallows hard at that and Even is fighting tears as well, but when Isak throws his arms around him and whispers a soft “Thank you” into his hair, Even feels like he could uproot trees with his bare hands.

 

Later that day,  Isak sends an email to his old teacher in Italy, who to both his and Even’s surprise replies only a few hours later, sending Isak a scan of his last two report cards. With that, Isak has everything he needs, and Even almost bursts with pride when he accompanies Isak to the university science library on a Friday afternoon. Sana’s friend Chris has arranged for Isak to have a brief meeting with her boss to hand over his application.

 

While waiting for Isak on a bench outside, Even thinks that all that’s missing now for Isak to get a proper new start in Oslo is for his friends to come around. He runs a hand through his hair and purses his lips, thinking that he could maybe ask Eskild to talk to Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus for Isak. _No_ , he thinks, shaking his head. That’s too intrusive, Isak wouldn’t want Even to meddle with his friends like that. As much as Even hates it, he’s going to have to wait and see what happens next.

 

Hearing the door of the library open behind him, Even gets to his feet and turns around, expecting to see Isak walking towards him. But instead, he sees another familiar face, and Even’s smile falters at the sight of her.

 

Anita Svendsen.

 

Her blonde hair is longer than when Even last saw her, and she’s wearing a tight skirt and blouse instead of her usual sweatpants and hoodie. But it’s definitely her, and although it’s been several years since they graduated from Elvebakken, Even still feels a shiver run down his spine at the sight of her.

 

For a second, he considers just turning back around and sitting down again, but Anita has already seen him.

 

“Even? Even Bech Næsheim?”

 

Her voice sounds as condescending as it always did, and it’s all Even can do not to roll his eyes. But since he’s too polite for his own good, Even walks around the bench and approaches Anita with a forced smile on his face.

 

“Anita, hey.” Even is surprised that his voice is steady, because his heart is beating so fast he’s worried it will jump out of his chest at any moment.

 

At least, Even manages to keep his hands in his pockets. He’s not about to shake the hand of a person who made him feel like crap every time he saw her at school.

 

“What are you doing here? Don’t tell me you got into university after all?” Anita says, raising both her eyebrows and sounding almost panicked.

 

Even’s insides twist uncomfortably and he purses his lips, fighting the urge to insult her. “I’ve been studying at NFS for two years, yeah,” he says dryly, looking straight into Anita’s eyes. He’s not going to let her make him feel ashamed, never again.

 

“Oh wow, they’re letting… people like you in there now?” Anita lets out a short laugh, as if she can’t believe it. “Well, I hope they’re informed about… your shit, so they can protect people?”

 

“I’m not a fucking bomb, Anita, for fuck’s sake,” Even blurts out angrily, instantly regretting his words when he notices Anita jump and take a few steps back. And to make everything worse, Isak emerges from the library behind Anita just when Even is about to walk away. Isak smiles at Even and when Even doesn’t smile back, he frowns and turns to Anita, who is now standing in front of Even with her arms akimbo, as if she were getting ready for a fight.

 

“Sure you’re not, Even. You’re just a crazy person who could have a seizure or a fit of rage at any second, hurting everyone around you without even noticing. But no, you’re not a bomb, I’ll give you that much.” Anita’s voice is dripping with disdain, and Even wishes he could just disappear. He feels his cheeks heat up and his hands are shaking, but he can’t let Anita win like this.

 

“You’re a fucking idiot, Anita. If you knew the first thing about my condition…” he begins, but Anita interrupts him.

 

“I failed English and art because of you, Even,” she yells, her eyes wild and her cheeks flushed in an angry red. “I couldn’t focus with you in the same room and flunked every test because of it, you ruined my life.”

 

Even closes his eyes for a second and tries to think of an effective yet thoughtful response to that outrageous accusation. But before he even opens his eyes again, he hears Isak clear his throat.

 

Even’s eyes fly open just in time to see Isak walk up to Anita, slowly and casually, even with the hint of a smile on his lips. However, there is an angry spark in his eyes, and Even worries that he will start yelling at Anita, causing a scene.

 

However, when Isak speaks, his voice is calm, almost casual.

 

“Hey, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Isak, Even’s boyfriend,” he says, and ... _what?_ Whereas Even’s heart all but stopped when he saw Isak approaching his former bully, it is now beating so fast Even almost feels dizzy. _Did he really just say that?_

 

Anita raises her eyebrows at Isak and then looks from him to Even and back with a condescending expression. “Oh, are you?” She lets out a short laugh and waves her hand dismissively. “Why doesn’t that surprise me? Of course he’s gay. Or at least he thinks he is, I’d be careful if I were you.” She points her finger at Isak and is about to add something when Isak interrupts her.

 

“I don’t know who you think you are, but if I were _you_ , I’d never speak like that again to anyone. You obviously don’t know the first thing about mental illness, which is pretty fucking embarrassing. Don’t you go to university here?” Isak gives her a once-over as if to check for a piece of clothing or a tag indicating that Anita is a student at the university. His expression is serious, but Anita just laughs arrogantly and  breathes in, clearly to tell him that she is indeed going here, but Isak doesn’t let her.

 

“Maybe you fooled the university into thinking you belong here, but the way you just talked to Even proves you don’t deserve to so much breathe the same air as him.” Isak’s voice is lower now, slightly shaking with anger. He meets Even’s eye for a moment, looking at him with so much admiration it sends a shiver down Even’s spine.

 

“I guess since I only work at the library, I can’t have you expelled. But I swear, if I ever hear you talk like that again, particularly about my _boyfriend_ , I will find a way to end you.”

 

Contrary to his threatening words, Isak’s voice is almost soft now. Maybe that’s why Anita stares at him as if he were a ghost. She obviously doesn’t know what to say, opening and closing her mouth a few times with no sound coming out.

 

Eventually, Isak smiles sweetly and gives Anita a vague wave before walking past her. “Hey you,” he says once he stands in front of Even, reaching for both of Even’s hands with his own and bumping their noses together. “Shall we go?”

 

Even can only nod and smile incredulously at Isak. He can’t believe what he just heard, but Isak just presses a short kiss to Even’s lips and casually wraps an arm around his waist.

 

By the time they’ve reached the bus stop close-by, Even finally finds his voice. “Thank you,” he croaks, turning to face Isak and looking into his eyes.

 

“For what?” Isak asks, smiling warmly as he wraps both arms around Even’s shoulders. Somewhere in the back of his head, Even registers that Isak hasn’t touched him like this in public before. The thought makes him feel dizzy and he’s not sure if he’s leaning into Isak’s touch or holding on to him for support.

 

Coiling both arms around Isak’s waist, Even stares into his eyes incredulously. Isak’s smile grows even wider as he closes his eyes and brushes Even’s nose with his own, slowly and deliberately. A quiet gasp escapes Even as his eyes flutter shut as well, and he breathes Isak in. His scent is a comforting mix of freshly washed hair and a hint of sweat, and the familiarity of it makes Even sigh with relief. It hasn’t even been a month since their first kiss and Isak already smells like home to Even.

 

Isak hums in question at Even’s sigh, but instead of moving back to look at him, Even ropes his arms tighter around Isak and buries his face at Isak’s neck.

 

“You called me your boyfriend,” he whispers against Isak’s skin, feeling Isak’s soft chuckle reverberate in his own chest.

 

“I did,” Isak says simply and turns his head to kiss Even’s cheek before gently disengaging himself to look at him. Even’s heart is pounding against his chest, but he still manages to smile at Isak. He’s surprised to see Isak pull a doubtful grimace. “Was that okay? I mean I know we haven’t talked about it but…”

 

“Yeah, I’m…” Even swallows hard and blinks a few times, trying to regain his composure. Anita’s poisonous words are still ringing in his ears and although he knows they’re not true, Even’s heart feels heavy at the thought that she thinks the way she does.

 

Thanks to the boys, Anita never got to properly bully Even at school because they would always ridicule her or shut her down. But he still heard her whispered complaints about him in class and it never failed to make him feel horrible about himself.

 

As if he’s reading Even’s mind, Isak puts one hand protectively in Even’s neck, his fingers playing with Even’s hair. “Hey,” he murmurs then and pulls Even into a tight hug. “People like that are just trash, you know? She has no idea how awesome you are and really, that’s her loss, okay?”

 

Even can tell that Isak isn’t used to try and encourage people by the slight shiver in his voice, but his words still feel good. Nodding slowly, Even leans his head against Isak’s, taking a deep breath. “She was in my class at Elvebakken,” he murmurs then, wrapping his arms a little tighter around Isak’s waist to steady himself. “Her parents think all mentally ill people are future serial killers or something, so she saw me as a ticking time bomb.”

 

The memory of the first time Anita said that to him pops up in Even’s mind and makes him feel nauseous. He swallows hard again and closes his eyes as Isak leans in to press a kiss to his neck. Isak’s warm breath sends a shiver down Even’s spine and he sighs again when Isak wraps both arms tightly around him.

 

“It sucks that there are people who think like that,” Isak murmurs into Even’s hair, the soothing tone of his voice making Even feel warm from the inside out. “But I hope you know she’s fucking wrong, right? You’re everything but a ‘ticking time bomb’, you’re fucking amazing in every way.”

 

Even can only nod against Isak’s cheek, too choked up to speak. He feels heavy somehow, as if the memories Anita brought back were weighing him down. But with every gentle touch of Isak’s fingers on his back and in his hair, that weight lifts a little.

 

So Even just lets himself be held, wondering how Isak seems to be able to tell exactly what Even needs right now. Silence, comfort and the feeling that he isn’t alone.

 

Even doesn’t know how long the two of them just stand there, but when he finally moves back to look at Isak, he feels a lot better already.

 

Isak smiles softly and takes Even’s hand, wordlessly pointing to the bus stop with his chin. Even nods absent-mindedly and then follows Isak down the street, grateful for not having to speak right now.

 

The bus ride home is quiet but not awkward, to Even’s great relief. Isak keeps his arm around Even’s shoulders, his fingers drawing soft circles onto Even’s upper arm.

 

By the time they’ve reached Even’s parents’ building, Even is slowly waking up from his trance again. As they walk up the stairs, he squeezes Isak’s hand, making Isak turn to look at him.

 

“So, did you get the job?” he asks, smiling hopefully.

 

Isak chuckles and nods. “Yeah, I can start on Monday,” he says, sounding both happy and doubtful. At first, Even thinks it’s because they just spent a good twenty minutes not talking to each other, but then he sees the fear in Isak’s eyes.

 

“That’s awesome, Isak!” Even says, maybe a tad too loud, because Isak jumps slightly. “Sorry,” Even adds and pulls Isak into a one-armed hug. “I’m very proud of you, and don’t worry, you’ll do great!”

 

Pursing his lips, Isak puts an arm around Even’s waist and follows him into the apartment. “Thanks, I hope so.” His voice is a little firmer now and when Even turns to kiss Isak’s cheek, he huffs out a short, happy laugh. “I’m just glad I won’t have to worry about running out of money anymore.”

 

That reminds Even of the backpack full of cash Isak brought from Italy. Isak told him he’d saved up about fifty thousand Euros, and he can’t have spent more than a tenth of that on their trip home…

 

“I know this is none of my business,” Even begins tentatively as he and Isak toe off their shoes in the hallway before heading to his room. “But do you want to tell me what you did with the rest of the money you saved up? Or what you’re going to do with it?”

 

Isak plops down on Even’s bed with a sigh and when Even looks at him, he shrugs with a worried expression on his face. “Well, at first I intended to use as little of it as possible to survive until I found a job.” He huffs out a disbelieving laugh at that and Even gives him an approving nod, smiling proudly.

“But since that’s no longer an issue, I was thinking I could try and find out where Sofia’s aunt Maria lives and maybe send her a part of the money. I don’t want it anymore, and she saved my life, so…”

 

A wave of affection washes over Even and he hurries over to Isak, sitting down next to him and pulling him into his arms. “You’re amazing, Isak,” he whispers into his boyfriend’s hair, hesitating for a moment before adding: “Let’s find out where Sofia lives.”

 

And that’s how Even and Isak spend almost an hour searching for a trace of the only friend Isak had in Naples. They find three women with Sofia’s last name “Mastroberardino” in the canton of Ticino. Luckily, Isak remembers Sofia saying her aunt had a house close to a lake, so they are able to narrow it down to a woman named Maria Marinella Mastroberardino in the town of Lugano.

 

Isak decides to try and call the lady, just to make sure it really is Sofia’s aunt. Even moves behind him, pulling Isak close to his chest as he deactivates caller ID on his phone. Sighing deeply, Isak leans against Even’s chest once he’s dialled the number, his thumb hovering over the call button.

 

“Ready?” Isak asks, his voice shaking, and Even isn’t sure if Isak is asking him or himself. But when Isak turns his head to look at Even with a worried expression, Even nods and then taps the call button on Isak’s phone.

 

“Ready,” he says and presses a kiss into Isak’s hair.

 

Isak taps the speaker button and then takes a shivering breath, and only a few seconds later, the line clicks.

 

“Pronto?”

 

Even has only heard her voice once before, but he still recognises it instantly, and both he and Isak suck in a surprised breath at the same time.

 

 

“Amore,” Isak breathes, his voice barely audible, so Even isn’t surprised to hear her speak a little louder.

 

“Hello? Who is this?”

 

“Sofia, it’s… Gio.” Isak says in Italian, and it strikes Even that he hasn’t heard Isak speak the language since they left Italy. And by the way Isak says his fake name, Even can tell it’s already foreign to him. “I can’t believe you made it,” he goes on then, obviously close to tears. Even can feel Isak shaking in his arms, so he pulls him a little closer, placing his palm over Isak’s racing heart.

 

“Gio, dio mio, is that really you?” Sofia is crying already, but Even can tell she’s as relieved as Isak is. “Yes I made it, thank fuck,” Sofia goes on without waiting for Isak to reply. In spite of the tears running down Isak’s cheeks, Even can’t help but smile at her words. Apparently, Sofia likes to curse as much as Isak. Even is starting to understand why those two got along so well.

 

“That’s awesome, amore. How is Switzerland?” Isak asks, his voice slightly steadier now as he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand.

 

“It’s so nice here, Gio, you would love it! No rats in the streets, and I haven’t seen a single gun since I got here. And the boys are so charming, like you wouldn’t believe,” Sofia babbles on, and Even’s heart jumps in his chest when he hears Isak letting out a short laugh.

 

“I believe you,” Isak says, closing the fingers of his right hand around Even’s forearm as if to steady himself. “Listen, I want to ask you something.”

 

He clears his throat and pauses for a moment, leaning his head against Even’s shoulder before going on. “Would you give me your address in Ticino, and your email? I want to send you... something.”

 

Isak’s voice is surprisingly inconspicuous, but his cheeks are quickly turning a bright shade of red. It makes Even wonder how on earth Isak managed to ever tell a single lie to anyone.

 

“Ooh, what is it?” Sofia asks, but she doesn’t wait for Isak to answer. “Sure I can give it to you. Where are  _you_ , by the way?”

 

That question makes Isak suck in a startled breath and tense up in Even’s arms. But when he doesn’t reply right away, Sofia chuckles shortly and clears her throat.

 

“Sorry, I know I shouldn’t ask. But you know where I am now, so… don’t tell Franco on me, eh?” she jokes, and both she and Isak laugh at that, however only briefly.

 

“I will tell you one day,” Isak promises then, his voice serious now. “When I’m sure they’ve given up on looking for me.”

 

“Sure, that’s fine.” Sofia’s tone is so full of understanding and warmth it makes Even wish he could hug her. He’s never met this girl, but just from the way she and Isak talk to each other, Even can tell she’s a wonderful person.

 

Sofia then dictates her address and email to Isak, who writes it all down on the little notepad lying in front of him on the bed. Once he’s done, he tosses the pen on the blanket and sighs deeply.

 

“I’ll come visit you one day, maybe?” he says hesitantly, pulling a mortified grimace that almost makes Even laugh.

 

“Oh, you have to! Zia Maria cooks the best pasta in the world!” Sofia giggles happily and then, both she and Isak are silent for a moment. It’s a heavy silence, yet not an awkward one.

 

“Is this how it’s going to be now? You calling me every once in a while from God knows where?” Sofia asks eventually, trying to sound cheerful, but it’s clear she’s disappointed.

 

“Sofia,” Isak sighs, leaning back against Even and closing his eyes for a moment. “I really want to see you again, but we have to be careful, okay? At least for a while.”

 

When Isak opens his eyes again, his expression is pained and Even’s heart hurts at the thought of how much he must be missing Sofia. He can’t even imagine not being in touch with his best friends for longer than two days, let alone having to fear for their lives. At least Isak knows now that Sofia is safe.

 

“I know,” Sofia replies with a sigh. “Fuck I hope someone shoots Franco soon.”

The harsh tone of her voice makes Even gasp, and Isak huffs out a laugh. “Wouldn’t that be a relief,” he says then, clearly uncomfortable talking about his old boss.

 

“Sorry,” Sofia says then, apparently realising she upset Isak. “You know what I mean. I just want us both to be safe.”

 

“Yeah, me too,” Isak croaks, clearing his throat. “I hope to see you soon, amore.”

 

“Aah, yes, that would be lovely.” Sofia takes a deep breath and then clears her throat. “Take care, Gio. Or whatever your name is. Maybe you’ll tell me that too one day.”

 

She doesn’t sound bitter, only kind, and the thought makes Even’s heart feel so full. He and Isak are definitely going to Ticino one day, rather sooner than later.

 

“Yes, I will,” Isak promises without missing a beat, a soft smile on his lips. “Talk to you soon, I hope.”

 

“Ciao, Gio,” Sofia says and then hangs up.

 

Isak drops the phone on the mattress and turns sideways in Even’s arms so he’s sitting on Even’s lap. He lets out a long sigh and buries his face at Even’s neck while wrapping both arms around him. Even presses a kiss to Isak’s cheek and reaches for Isak’s thigh, pulling him close to his chest.

 

“That went well,” Even murmurs then, making both of them chuckle.

 

“Fuck I hope she won’t end up hating me,” Isak lets out forcefully, making Even frown.

 

“Why would she hate you?”

 

“She still doesn’t know my real name or where I am,” Isak explains, his fingers playing with the hair at the nape of Even’s neck.

 

“But she knows you’ll tell her eventually. I mean, I don’t know her personally, but she sounded very understanding,” Even insists, playing with the strings of Isak’s hoodie.

 

At that Isak moves his head back to look at Even with a soft smile on his lips. “Are you always this optimistic about everything?” he inquires, his tone slightly sarcastic, but with a trace of admiration. The hopeful look in his eyes gives him away entirely though, and Even can’t hold back a delightful laugh.

 

“I am,” he confirms then, and when Isak leans in to kiss him, Even closes his eyes and kisses him back with everything he has.

 

“Good. Never change that, please,” Isak whispers against Even’s lips then, making goosebumps erupt all over Even’s body.

 

“Never,” Even whispers back then before claiming Isak’s lips again, revelling at the comfortable sigh escaping his boyfriend’s lips.

_________________________________________________________________________

 

Even is at least twice as nervous as Isak when the two of them enter the post office the next day. They spent the better part of the morning researching how much money Isak can send to Sofia at once without having to answer too many questions. Even finally suggested to make monthly payments, every time Isak gets his paycheck and to make sure never to send an even amount. That way it will seem like Isak is just sending whatever he can to a friend in need every once in a while.

 

In the end, it’s all over in a matter of minutes. Isak asks to send exactly 298 Euros to Sofia in the form of a moneygram. The lady behind the counter hands him a form where he fills in Sofia’s name and that she lives in Switzerland. Even is surprised that Isak doesn’t even have to give her full address, and apparently Isak is too, because he throws a bewildered look at Even. But neither of them says anything as Isak hands the form back to the lady, who then asks to see Isak’s ID. Isak flinches when she remarks that it’s a brand new one, but she doesn’t notice.

 

Finally, once Isak hands the form back to her, the lady casually asks him why he’s sending money to Switzerland.

 

“I’m helping out a friend,” Isak says curtly but politely, only his uneasy smile giving away how nervous he is. According to her tag, the lady’s name is Mathilde, and she nods with a kind smile.

 

“How nice of you,” she says calmly, and both Isak and Even breathe a silent sigh of relief when Mathilde doesn’t ask any further questions.

 

Mathilde rummages in a drawer for a moment before turning back around with a receipt in her hand. She picks up a pen to point to a long number on the receipt.

 

“You can send that reference number to your friend, she will need it to withdraw the money at the post office in Switzerland,” she explains. “It shouldn’t take more than a week for her to get it.”

 

Isak nods and nervously clears his throat. “Ok. Uh, can I just send her the number or does she need anything else?”

 

“No, the number is enough,” Mathilde replies. “Luckily it’s all very easy nowadays.”

 

“Awesome, thank you!” Isak smiles genuinely at Mathilde, and Even can almost see the weight falling off his boyfriend’s shoulders.

 

Now all that’s left to do is sending an email to Sofia with the reference number in the hope that she won’t think it’s a virus or something. Luckily, Isak and Even have already created an email-account that doesn’t give away who Isak is but should be recognisable for Sofia.

 

Still, when they get back home, it takes Isak several attempts to write an email to Sofia. After typing out a sentence or two, he glares at the screen for a few seconds, groans frustratedly and deletes everything. He repeats that same routine at least three times, until Even finally can’t watch anymore. Trying hard not to laugh, he tells Isak that it doesn’t matter what Isak writes: No one except Sofia will ever guess what ‘onceuponatimeinstupido@hotmail.com’ is in reference to.

 

The memory of Isak explaining it to him makes Even smile happily. Isak had come up with the email-address after telling Even about a particularly funny night he’d spent with Sofia. They wanted to watch “Once upon a time in the west,” one of Sofia’s favourite western movies. She’d been telling Isak about it several times during that week, but somehow Isak never managed to remember the entire title of the movie. So when he arrived at Sofia’s place that evening and asked what they were going to watch, Sofia rolled her eyes at him and said ‘you know what we’re watching, Gio.’ And Isak did his best to remember the title, but only got as far as ‘Once upon a time in…’ While he struggled to remember the rest, Sofia finally lost her patience, throwing her hands in the air and calling Isak ‘stupido.’ Trying to be funny, Isak then pointed at Sofia and nodded with a serious expression. ‘Yes, that was it, Once upon a time in stupido.’ And after that, the two of them only ever called the movie by that title.

 

Although Isak said to Even that he doesn’t think anyone but him and Sofia could ever find that kind of thing funny, Even giggled for quite a while when Isak was done with the story. He’s fighting a giggle now just at the memory, but that quickly changes when he turns to Isak and sees the worried look on his boyfriend’s face.

 

“Isak, she’ll get the email, and you told her you were sending her something, so you asking her to go to the post office is not that unusual, “ Even reassures, squeezing Isak’s hand and smiling warmly at him.

 

Taking a deep breath, Isak nods and then finally hits the send button.

 

Both of them exhale at the same time, and then Even removes the computer from Isak’s lap and pulls his boyfriend into a hug. He almost starts crying when he feels Isak melt into his embrace with a relieved sigh. It’s hard to even remember that Isak made a living by killing people until recently when he goes soft and pliant in Even’s arms like this.

 

“I hope she’ll get it,” Isak murmurs into Even’s neck, and Even nods enthusiastically, wrapping his arms tighter around his boyfriend.

 

“She will,” Even says simply, worried that he’s not being helpful, but Isak wraps his arms tighter around Even and presses a kiss to his neck.

 

Without another word, he then gently disengages himself from Even and takes his hand, smiling gratefully at him.

 

“Aren’t we meeting your boys soon? I remember Elias talking about a great cream parlour somewhere close-by,” he says, clearly wanting to change the subject.

 

Even winks at Isak and checks his watch before raising their joint hands to his face and pressing a kiss to Isak’s wrist. “Yes, you’re right. Prepare yourself to be amazed,” he says, making them both laugh as they stand up and get ready to leave the house again.

________________________________________________________________________

 

They spend Saturday evening with Even’s parents, who insisted they had to celebrate Isak getting a job so shortly after coming back. Mamma thinks it’s incredibly impressive that Isak still speaks Norwegian so well after almost ten years of only speaking Italian, and she suggest Isak should go to University at some point.

  
“You’re too intelligent not to make use of it,” she argues while they’re having dinner at ‘The Kaasbah’, Even’s favourite Middle Eastern restaurant. “I could see you teaching Italian at a secondary school at one point or something.”

 

Isak blushes at that, smiling shyly. “I have no idea if that’s possible. I haven’t had Norwegian classes since I was twelve,” he replies, but the look he gives Mamma is full of hope.

 

Mamma smiles back at him and shrugs, exchanging a meaningful look with Pappa. “I have a friend who teaches Norwegian at Hartvig Nissen Skole, let me talk to her and find out what she can do.”

 

Even squeezes Isak’s thigh under the table and smiles gently at him. “Mamma can work miracles if she puts her mind to it,” he says, winking at his boyfriend, who stares at him incredulously.

 

“Oh shut up, Even,” Mamma giggles, blushing furiously. “I just like to try and help out the man my son is in love with, that’s all.”

 

Isak’s cheeks have turned a dark red, but Even can tell he’s more flattered than embarrassed. It’s hard to believe it’s only been two weeks since he and Even first kissed: By now, Isak holds Even’s hand in public and even kisses him sometimes, hardly looking around to check who’s watching anymore.

 

“Thank you for… being so good to me,” Isak says then, looking at Even’s parents with a shy but genuine smile. “You guys have been nothing short of amazing.”

 

“Thank you, for… you know,” Pappa says, pointing to Even with his chin. “He can be a pain in the ass, but we’re still very glad you… brought our son back to us.”

 

Now it’s Even’s turn to blush, and he quickly picks up his glass and empties it in one go to hide it. “Thanks, Pappa, I’m glad to hear you say so,” he says then, trying to sound sarcastic while almost bursting into laughter.

 

The four of them spend the rest of the evening making plans for a summer holiday in Bergen. Isak mentioned that he’d never been there and since Mamma’s friend Elise has a small cottage in Hardanger Fjord, she suggests they all head there before Even starts university again.

 

Isak is obviously not used to being considered a part of a family, but Even loves the idea. And he loves his parents for being so welcoming towards Isak.

 

After a lazy Sunday in bed, it’s finally time for Isak’s first day of work. He’s been nervous all weekend, but when Even kisses him goodbye outside his parents’ building, Isak looks more excited than afraid.

 

“See you later,” Isak murmurs and presses his gorgeous smile against Even’s one more time.

 

“Have fun sorting books,” Even replies with a wink, making Isak groan and roll his eyes.

 

“I will also be charging people for checking out books. And for giving them back too late. I might even act as a bouncer, kicking out couples who try to fuck in the back of the library.” Isak raises both eyebrows at Even in an attempt to look arrogant, but Even only finds it cute.

 

“Sure you will,” he agrees and kisses Isak again, squeezing both his boyfriend’s hands with his own, his heart fluttering with affection.

 

“Bye,” Isak murmurs against Even’s lips and then steps back, still grinning happily. He only turns around right before turning the corner, and Even doesn’t go back inside right away once Isak is out of sight. Taking a deep breath, he thinks that it should scare him how domestic he and Isak have become in less than three weeks. Even has never felt closer to a person in such a short time, but it feels all kinds of right.

 

Once he gets back to his room, Even finally sits down to re-read some of his notes from the last semester he studied in Oslo. Helping Isak get settled in Norway took quite some time, and although Even told him time and time again that it wasn’t a problem, Isak insisted that Even start focussing on his studies as soon as Isak starts working.

 

Isak will move to Eskild’s kollektiv in two weeks, and although Even is a little sad to not have Isak in his bed every night anymore, he’s also happy for him. Eskild and his roommate Noora have invited him and Even to have dinner with them before Isak’s move to welcome him, and Eskild has assured Even more than once that he is welcome to come over any time.

 

Shortly after Even goes back to his room after having lunch with Mamma, Even’s phone rings. He smiles when he sees Isak’s name on the display and picks up.

 

“Hey, how’s it going?” he asks cheerfully, leaning back in his chair.

 

For a  moment, Isak is silent but then Even hears him sniff and feels his heart sink. But before he can ask what’s wrong, Isak lets out a short laugh.

 

“You were right, Even,” he chokes out, and only when he laughs again does Even realise that Isak’s tears are tears of joy.

 

Sitting up straighter, Even clears his throat. “About what?” he asks, although he’s pretty sure he already knows. But he wants Isak to say it.

 

“Jonas and Magnus just came by, apparently Eskild told them I started working here today.” Isak's voice is shaking slightly, but it's obvious that he's smiling. “I was allowed to take a break so we went outside to talk.” Another incredulous laugh escapes Isak and Even feels a tear of joy running down his cheek. Isak has never sounded this happy before and Even lives for it.

 

“They said that they don't want to lose me again and that what matters most is that I got out of the mafia.” Isak is almost whispering now, obviously not quite believing them himself.

 

“Fuck, I still can’t believe it. Jonas said that in spite of what I did in Italy, he still feels he can trust me, because I didn’t lie to him.” Isak sighs deeply, and Even can feel his boyfriend’s relief in his own body. It makes him wish he were at the library right now, so he could push Isak up against a wall and kiss him until both their knees are weak.

 

“Damn it, Isak, I’m gonna have to meet your friends soon. They sound awesome,” Even says with a happy laugh. “What did Magnus say? I guess he agreed with Jonas?”

 

Isak laughs out loud at that, and it’s the most beautiful sound Even has ever heard. Of course Isak has laughed before, but this is the first time his laugh sounds free and truly happy. The thought makes tears of joy well up behind Even’s eyes.

 

“Magnus just said that he hopes I’ll never get an order to kill him and hugged me, adding that he’s glad I’m back.” Isak giggles delightedly and Even joins in, thinking that this Magnus sounds like the kind of person Adam would really get along with.

 

“They want to come help me move, all three of them. Mahdi is working too today, but Jonas says he agrees with him and Magnus.” Isak’s voice is almost breaking, and Even’s arms suddenly almost ache with the need to hug Isak.

 

Clearing his throat, Even wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. “I’m so fucking proud of you, baby,” he says, getting to his feet and walking over to sit on his bed. He feels restless and his heart is suddenly beating faster. “When will you be home?” he adds in a lower voice, hoping to let Isak know just how badly Even needs to kiss him.

 

And if the shuddering breath Even hears Isak draw at the other end of the line is anything to go by, that little trick worked. “I’m done at five,” he breathes, and to Even’s shame, the sound goes straight to his crotch.

 

“Hurry home after,” Even all but groans, biting his lower lip.

 

“I will,” Isak replies, sounding so wrecked it makes Even close his eyes in frustration. But just when he’s about to tell Isak he’ll be waiting for him, Isak takes Even’s breath away entirely.

 

“Fuck, I love you, Even. See you later,” he says and then hangs up, leaving Even sitting there as if struck by lightning.

 

It might as well be hours later that Even finally shakes his head and removes his phone from his ear, staring at it incredulously. Only now does he realise he called Isak ‘baby.’ But, given that Isak said he loves him right after, Even is pretty sure he won’t get in trouble for that. His heart isn’t beating savagely anymore, instead Even feels a deep calm enwrapping him like a warm blanket. He gets up again, starting to pace up and down in front of his bed. Isak’s words are playing over and over in his head, making him chuckle happily every time.

 

Of course, Even doesn’t really manage to concentrate on studying after that phone call. He tries to continue reading through his old notes, but after re-reading the same paragraphs ten times without understanding a single word, he gives up.

 

He finds his mother in the living room, reading a book and drinking home-made ice tea. She puts the book down when Even walks in and asks him how he’s doing with his notes.

 

Even laughs at that and sits down across from her. At first he considers telling her about Isak reconnecting with his friends. But since his parents still don’t know the full truth about Isak’s past in Italy, Even feels that it’s up to Isak how much he wants Even’s parents to know.

  
So he spends the next hour talking to his mother about his old notes, the courses he’s thinking of choosing for his next semester and even about a script for a short film that he’s started to come up with. Ever since Mamma and Pappa have mentioned that Even should make a movie about Isak’s life in Italy, the idea hasn’t left Even’s head.

 

Mamma has always been a great listener and of course she encourages Even’s idea, saying he should write the script with Isak’s help and talk to his teachers about maybe turning it into a play.

 

“This could be your first feature film some day when you have the money to go to Italy to film it, Even. Imagine how amazing that would be!” Mamma giggles excitedly. “Of course you two can’t go back to Naples, but I’m sure there’s another city you can use, I’ll help you find it when the time comes.”

 

The idea of that actually happening makes Even smile so hard the corners of his mouth are starting to hurt. “Mamma, I haven’t even done one short film yet, calm down,” he says, however winking at his mother. “Plus, I have to check with Isak if he’s okay with me making a film about his life.”

 

Mamma nods quickly at that. “Oh, yes, of course. Isak…” she trails off, her expression suddenly concerned. “Is he alright?”

 

Even smiles brightly at his mother, remembering Isak’s joyful laugh during their phone call earlier. “He’s doing a lot better. I think he’s very excited about the new job and being able to make his own money.”

 

“He knows he’s always welcome here if things don’t work out at that kollektiv, right?” Mamma says carefully, and Even just has to hug her for that. He gets up and walks over to the couch, sitting down next to his mother and pulling her into his arms.

 

“Yes, he knows, Mamma. I guess he’ll be here a lot anyway, he told me he’s quite fond of your waffles. Even the burnt ones,” Even murmurs into Mamma’s hair. She gasps in faked outrage and tickles Even’s sides, making him squeal.

 

“Shut up, I haven’t burnt a single waffle in a long time,” she giggles and Even gasps for air, raising both hands in defeat.

 

“I’m sorry, I won’t say it again,” he calls, finally managing to grab his mother’s hands with his own. He holds on to them and looks into her eyes, smiling gratefully. “Thank you, Mamma. You and Pappa have been nothing but awesome to Isak,” he adds, his voice more serious now.

 

“We raised you to be compassionate, so it’s only logical we’re the same, no?” she says matter-of-factly, her fond expression almost making Even cry again.

 

“I guess,” Even replies, letting go of Mamma’s hands and leaning back on the couch with a comfortable sigh.

 

“You really are in love with him, aren’t you?” Mamma asks then, winking at Even, who feels his cheeks heat up at her words. He nods slowly with a shy smile.

 

“I love him, Mamma,” he says, pursing his lips and blushing even more when his mother’s face lights up with an even brighter grin.

 

“Aaah, that’s wonderful, Even. Does he know?” she inquires, but quickly adds: “No, wait, that’s none of my business. I’m just so glad you’re happy, Even.”

 

Even laughs nervously at that, and then he suddenly has an idea. He sits up a little straighter and clears his throat, making his mother look up into his eyes.

 

“Thanks. Uh, Mamma ,do you think I could… cook dinner for Isak and I tonight? I want to surprise him, since he’s had his first day of work today.”

 

Mamma’s face lights up at that and she claps her hands together excitedly, getting to her feet. “What a wonderful idea, Even! Of course you can do that. Do you need a recipe?”

 

Even giggles at that and gets up as well, nodding curtly. “Yeah, do you have the recipe for the pasta sauce Pappa made last week? That was fantastic.”

 

Mamma thinks for a moment and then holds up a hand, already leading the way to the kitchen. “I think he left the list of ingredients on the fridge, let’s go check.”

 

They do indeed find the list stuck to the fridge with a magnet, and Mamma hands it to Even with a broad grin. “You’re going to have to get tomatoes, fresh parsley and some parmesan, everything else is here.” She purses her lips and inclines her head to the side, watching Even curiously for a moment. “Actually, you know what? I’m going to pick Pappa up from work and take him out for dinner. So you and Isak will have the apartment to yourselves for the night.”

 

She winks at Even, and he grins broadly at her. “Sounds good,” he chuckles and leans forward to kiss Mamma’s cheek. “I’m gonna go shopping, see you later.”

 

Mamma pulls Even into a long hug and then pats his back, following him into the hallway.

 

“I’ll go with you. Pappa gets off work in an hour and if I leave now I can walk there.”

 

With shopping and cooking, the final two hours until Isak gets off from work pass in a blur. The sauce is easy to prepare, and Even takes the time to shower and put on a fresh white T-shirt as well as his best-looking black jeans before setting the table in the living room. At exactly three minutes past five, Even gets a text from Isak.

 

**_Isak_ **

_On my way. Are your parents home?_

 

Even grins at his phone and bites his lower lip in anticipation as he types back.

 

_Nope. Just you and me._

 

Just barely, Even manages to stop himself from writing ‘baby’ at the end of that sentence. He wants to look into Isak’s eyes when he calls him that for the second time.

 

Isak’s reply is instant.

 

_Five minutes._

 

Even nods to himself at that and goes back to the kitchen. Filling a pan with water and setting it on the stove, he then goes back to the living room to make sure he didn’t forget anything.

 

And just when he’s strolled back to the kitchen, he finally hears the key turn in the lock. The sound sends a shiver down Even’s spine, and he forces himself to walk slowly into the hall.

 

Isak has just taken off his shoes and is hanging up his jacket when Even sees him, and when their eyes meet, Even's heart jumps in his chest. In two long strides he reaches Isak and pulls him into his arms. Isak clutches onto Even’s shoulder blades and buries his face at Even’s neck with a comfortable sigh.

 

“Hey,” Even whispers into Isak’s hair, running his hands up and down his boyfriend’s back. He shivers when Isak huffs out a laugh, his warm breath tickling Even's neck.

 

“Hey,” Isak murmurs back and then presses his lips to Even's throat, making Even's toes curl.

 

“Did you have a good first day?” Even asks, closing his eyes and biting back a moan when Isak’s tongue paints a teasing circle onto his collarbone.

 

“It was fine,” Isak breathes against Even’s skin and Even has to dig his fingers into Isak’s sides to steady himself. In an attempt to regain some control, Even moves his head back, wanting to tell Isak that dinner is almost ready. But their eyes have barely met when Isak lets out a harsh breath and surges forward, crushing their lips together.

 

Even groans into Isak’s mouth and ropes his arms around Isak’s waist to pull him closer. He feels light-headed, goosebumps erupting all over his arms and legs. Isak parts Even’s lips with his tongue, making Even wonder when his boyfriend got so damn confident. But before he can voice the thought, a hissing sound from the kitchen makes them break apart.

  
“Fuck, the water,” Even curses and gently disengages himself from Isak, pressing a quick kiss to his boyfriend’s lips before hurrying down the hall. As he suspected, the pan filled with water for the pasta has boiled over. Cursing profusely, Even quickly removes it from the stove and then reaches for the salt shaker and the packet of pasta on the table. Once the water has stopped boiling, Even salts it and then throws what he hopes is enough pasta for two hungry boys into the pan. He’s just put it back on the stove when he feels a pair of familiar arms sneak around his waist.

 

“You’re cooking for me?” Isak murmurs, placing a gentle kiss on Even’s neck. Sighing comfortably, Even leans into Isak’s embrace and traces his boyfriend’s forearm with his index finger.

 

“Mhm,” he murmurs as Isak crosses his hands on Even’s stomach, his huffed laugh sending another chill down Even’s spine. If he wasn’t so hungry and convinced Isak needs to eat as well, he’d be more than tempted to turn off the stove and drag Isak to his room right now.

 

“What’s the occasion?” Isak sounds genuinely curious, although he must remember the words he said to Even earlier. Even can still hear them in his head, and when he turns around to face Isak he could swear he sees them in his boyfriend’s eyes as well.

 

_“Fuck, I love you, Even.”_

 

“I love you too,” Even blurts out, unable to stop himself. He feels his cheeks heat up, but he can’t bring himself to care when he sees the bright smile lighting up Isak’s face.

 

“Yeah?” Isak asks shyly, his fingers tightening at Even’s waist. He leans his forehead against Even’s as Even’s hands come up to cup Isak’s neck. Instead of replying, Even gently tilts Isak’s chin upward to slot their lips together.

 

Unlike before in the hallway, the kiss isn’t hungry or desperate, just full of love and affection. Isak’s hands slide up along Even’s forearms onto his back and he sighs quietly when one of Even’s hands slides into his hair. The sound makes Even smile against Isak’s lips and he opens his eyes again.

 

“Yes,” he whispers then, and when Isak’s green eyes meet his, Even almost gasps. There are tears glistening in Isak’s eyes, and for a moment, Even worries he did something to upset him. But then, Isak lets out a choked laugh and throws his arms around Even’s shoulders, burying his face at Even’s neck. Even laughs with him and pulls him close so their chests are pressed together. He can feel Isak’s heart beating just as frantically as his own, and it makes him feel stronger and happier than he’s ever been.

 

“You’re in love with a murderer,” Isak whispers at Even’s ear, and Even is relieved to notice he sounds more incredulous than bitter.

 

For a moment, Even considers protesting, but by now he knows that it isn’t possible for Isak to just forget about his past. Both he and Even have to move on from everything that happened in Italy, and to do that, they can’t ignore the facts. So Even thinks for a long moment before gently moving his head back, his arms still roped tightly around his boyfriend’s waist.

 

“I’m in love with a former assassin who saved my life,” he ends up saying, looking straight into Isak’s eyes. Isak’s breath catches at the word ‘assassin,’ which almost makes Even regret his decision. But then, a relieved smile tugs at Isak’s mouth and he bumps Even’s nose with his own, exhaling deeply.

 

“I love you,” Isak says again, his voice a little croaky, but he holds Even’s gaze steadily. Even shivers from head to toe and feels his knees turn to butter. Whereas the first time Isak said those words Even was just plain shocked, hearing them for the second time makes his entire body tingle.

 

“I love you too,” he repeats, running his hands up along his boyfriend’s back before kissing him again. Isak sighs into the kiss and splays the fingers of his right hand on Even's neck. The gesture feels gentle yet possessive, and Even would like nothing more than to lose himself in Isak's embrace- if it weren't for the pasta boiling next to them.

So he pulls away with a pained groan, kissing the tip of Isak’s nose before turning around and reaching for the wooden ladle lying next to the stove. “I have to finish this,” he says then, twisting his head to look at Isak, who just watches him with an amused grin.

 

A few minutes later, Even carries two plates of steaming pasta to the living room. Isak follows close behind him with a packet of grated cheese in his hand, sniffing the air excitedly.

 

“That smells good. Didn't Lorentz make that a while ago?” he asks curiously, tossing the cheese packet on the table.

 

Even feels himself blush and shoots Isak a shy grin as he sets the two plates down on the placemats.

 

“Yeah. I remembered you liked it and since I don’t know much about what kind of food you like, I figured..” He trails off when he sees Isak shake his head with a warm smile. As Even turns to face him, Isak cradles Even’s face between his palms and kisses him. It’s a short, but incredibly sweet kiss that makes Even’s toes curl and his heart flutter.

 

“No one has ever cooked for me before, Even. Thank you,” Isak says, smiling brightly while caressing Even’s temples with his thumbs.

 

Nodding silently, Even leans forward to steal another kiss and then points to the steaming plates on the table. “Let’s eat before the food gets cold.”

 

Isak laughs joyfully and then walks around the table, eyeing his plate with a hungry look.

 

They sit down across from each other and start eating. Right after taking the first bite, Isak makes a point of telling Even that his version of his father’s dish is at least as good as the original, making Even hide his face in his hands.

 

“Shut up, Isak, I’m not that good. I just … threw some ingredients together, really,” he whines, but he can’t fight the broad smile on his lips.

 

Isak rolls his eyes and groans dramatically. “Stop insulting my boyfriend’s cooking skills, please, it’s not nice.” His voice is warm, contrary to his chastising words and he winks at Even, who giggles like a child.

 

While eating, they keep teasing each other in between serious talk about Isak’s new job and Even’s efforts to repeat the contents of his last semester. Telling Isak about the classes with Professor Lukas, Even thinks that spending the evening like this feels almost familiar already. It should be impossible, since he and Isak haven’t had the apartment to themselves before, and this is the first time they’re talking about everyday things.

 

“Is this what it’s like?” Isak suddenly asks once his plate is empty, sounding shy and curious, and when Even looks up, he’s not surprised to see his boyfriend blushing. He’s almost sure he knows what Isak is talking about, but he wants him to say it.

 

So Even wipes his mouth with a napkin and then clears his throat, smiling curiously at Isak. “What do you mean?”

 

Isak purses his lips and shrugs, taking a deep breath before he replies. “Life…” he pauses for a moment, huffing out a soundless laugh. “Life without fear,” he finally says, his voice almost a whisper now. Even feels a painful sting in his heart at the thought of Isak having lived in fear for two years, but he still manages to smile at him.

 

“I guess so,” he says, shrugging as well. “How does it feel?” he adds then, eyeing Isak hesitantly.

 

Isak huffs out another laugh and reaches across the table to cover Even’s hand with his own. Even laces their fingers together, slowly and deliberately while waiting for Isak’s reply.

 

“Like home. I mean…” Isak clears his throat and runs a hand through his hair. “Not necessarily just here, at your house, but like…” He chuckles shortly and Even has to fight the urge to get up and pull Isak into a hug. He looks so adorable, searching for words.

 

“Everything about you feels like home, Even. When you look at me, I’m home. When you touch me, I feel safe. And when you kiss me I feel like the entire world belongs to us, as fucked up as that sounds.”

 

Even stares at Isak for a few moments, struggling to believe that _those words_ really just came out of his boyfriend’s mouth. And that thought leads to Even getting out of his chair at the same time as Isak, and then he’s grabbing him by the waist and pushing him against the wall. Isak groans quietly at the impact but Even instantly claims his boyfriend’s lips, swallowing the sweet moan escaping from Isak’s throat. He feels Isak’s arms wrap around his shoulders as he kisses Even back, his soft lips instantly parting under Even’s.

 

“You’re my home, too,” Even breathes in between kisses, his heart hammering in his chest as he pulls Isak closer until there’s no space between them. “Fuck, Isak, who knew you could be a fucking poet?”

 

Isak laughs into Even’s mouth and the sound makes Even feel warm from the inside out. “You bring out the worst in me, I guess,” Isak teases, his suddenly low voice making Even’s blood boil.

 

So without another word, Even grabs Isak’s thighs and picks him up. Isak hardly gasps, merely cupping Even’s neck and leaning down to kiss him again. And like that, Even walks them back to his room, every nerve in his body tingling.

 

He can’t wait to finish what they started. In more than one way.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

**Three months later….**

 

It’s one of those evenings where everything is perfect.

 

Isak just learned yesterday that he can permanently keep working at the library and that he’s even getting a raise, and he shouldn’t have been surprised that Even wanted to throw him a party to celebrate. Eskild was totally on board with that idea of course and insisted that the party take place at the kollektiv.

 

Besides Isak’s success at work, their group of friends have several reasons to celebrate anyways: Jonas and Mikael have just passed the bachelor exams of their media and journalism studies, Eva and Sana have moved into a kollektiv together, and Vilde proposed to Linn a week ago. Even insisted on making pizza himself for over twelve people, and after watching Even get compliments from everyone for his cooking skills, Isak is insanely proud of his boyfriend.

 

 _Boyfriend_. Only a few months ago, the prospect of ever calling anyone his boyfriend was unimaginable. Back then, Isak felt like a ghost of his former self, only surviving instead of living, committing horrible crimes just to avoid becoming a victim of one. The memories of that dark life are slowly becoming just that: mere memories, remnants of a past that can no longer harm Isak. Of course he still sometimes wakes with a start in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat, after dreaming of bloody knives and threatening glares. But Even never fails to calm him down within minutes, whispering sweet words into Isak’s ear and reassuring him that he’s safe and sound.

 

After everyone else has left, Isak and Even start cleaning up the mess- or what is left of it. They are merely collecting glasses in the living room and bringing them to the kitchen and then all that’s left to do is picking up pillows from the floor where people were sitting since the couch was too small for everyone.

 

Isak expected that he and Even would have more work to do after everyone left. But when Even brought the pans and plates to the kitchen after dinner, none other than Mutta and Adam volunteered to do the dishes. To everyone’s surprise, they refused to let Even and Isak help since ‘you guys cooked, sit down and relax.’ Just the memory of Even’s scandalised expression at those words makes Isak chuckle amusedly.

 

He turns to Even, expecting his boyfriend to be watching him with raised eyebrows. But Even is standing in front of the stereo, busy connecting his phone to it with a cable. Isak wants to ask what he’s up to, but before he so much as opens his mouth, Even hits the play button and turns around to Isak, spreading his arms wide with a bright smile.

**(to fully enjoy the feel of this scene, I recommend you start playing["Jungle" by Tash Sultana](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZvP7PwUAwM).)**

 

“I have a new favourite song,” Even announces as the first notes of an upbeat guitar riff start playing. Turning around, he rocks his hips back and forth, making Isak lick his lips involuntarily. He loves seeing Even dance, it never fails to do _things_ to him.

 

The songs intro is rather long, and Even takes his time approaching Isak, watching him with a hungry look in his eyes. Once Even is finally within reach, Isak grabs his boyfriend by the hips and pulls him hin, aligning their hips and starting to move with him, feeling goosebumps erupt all over his body.

 

“I see the way you move, it’s fluid, be here by my side, got nothing to hide,” Even begins to sing with the singer. It’s a woman’s voice, sounding nice enough but not nearly as appealing as Even’s. Maybe it has something to do with the way Even is looking into Isak’s eyes while singing, emphasising every word like he wants to make sure Isak knows he means it.

 

“Now that you're hurting, I see the tears behind those eyes. And I can't wipe them clear.

Your love is like gold to me,” Even sings, waving his hands dramatically on either side of Isak’s head, his face scrunched up in a dramatic grimace. Isak would be embarrassed if the words weren’t making him feel so dizzy he has to blink. The fact that Even really and genuinely loves him isn't scary anymore, but hearing Even say it- or sing it in this case- still sends shivers through Isak’s body.

 

Taking two steps backwards, Isak pushes himself up on the chest of drawers at the wall and then reaches for both of Even’s hands, guiding him between his own legs. Even goes willingly, still singing and shaking his hips to the beat of the song, and for a moment, Isak just has to watch him. The song isn’t exactly Isak’s style, but watching Even dance to it is making him feel hot all over.

 

“But you hold me closer to the light, wouldn’t find a bullet inside, unless you magnify.” At those words, Even cups Isak’s face with both hands and the intensity of his gaze makes Isak’s heart stutter in his chest. He knows it’s just a song, but he also realises why Even likes it so much. The lyrics are a perfect description of what they are to each other. Both of them have internal wounds almost no one knows about, but they trust each other with their painful memories and inner struggles.

 

“But you throw me into the deep end, expect me to know how to swim. And I put my faith inside my hands, cause I will be just fine,” Even goes on, his eyes crinkling with how much he’s smiling while singing. Isak smiles back, thinking that whoever wrote that song might as well have been inside Isak and Even’s heads. Because  they keep challenging each other in a good way, throwing each other into cold water, however not without making sure the other feels up to it. And although they’re always supporting each other, they never assume that the other is helpless.

 

The chorus comes on and Even takes Isak’s hands in his again, swaying them back and forth while singing at the top of his lungs.

 

“Welcome to the jungle, are you gonna dance with me,

W[ elcome to the jungle, you got to close your eyes and see ](https://genius.com/Tash-sultana-jungle-lyrics#note-13912451)

Welcome to the jungle, are you gonna dance with me

Well hold on

Well hold on.”

 

In the middle of the chorus, Isak jumps to his feet, unable to resist the urge to dance with Even any longer. He has two left feet, but his gorgeous boyfriend serenading him with words that might as well be his own makes him feel all kinds of amazing. Awkwardly moving his hips along Even’s, Isak ropes his arms around Even’s waist, starting to feel dizzy with a mix of arousal and emotion.

 

Apparently, Even doesn’t know the lyrics of the second verse as well, because he only mumbles along. Maybe Isak’s hands on his ass have something to do with that, but Isak pretends to be oblivious, just watching Even’s lips move. He’s not sure if he’s daring his boyfriend to kiss him or fighting the urge to close the distance himself.

 

But when the chorus comes back on, Isak is glad he hasn’t interrupted Even yet. His boyfriend’s voice makes Isak shiver all over with affection and desire. Isak even finds himself singing along hesitantly for the second half of the chorus. Of course he can’t really sing, but the melody is catchy, so sue him.

 

Even is obviously delighted at Isak joining in, smiling so hard Isak is almost worried his boyfriend’s face will split in two.  By the end of the song, they’re both singing loudly- Isak slightly out of tune,but Even clearly doesn’t mind- and when they’re done, Isak really needs to kiss his boyfriend.

 

He curls his hands around Even’s wrists and hops up onto the chest of drawers again pursing his lips and deliberately dropping his gaze to Even’s mouth again. Even grins knowingly and drags his index finger up along Isak’s arm, setting Isak’s skin on fire.

 

“You’re a good singer, baby,” Isak murmurs, revelling in the way Even’s breath catches.

 

“Likewise,” Even retorts, and Isak would laugh if he had any air left in his lungs. Even’s hungry look leaves him breathless, and he feels like he’s going to pass out from the tension.

 

Isak drags his eyes up along Even’s body as if to undress him with his gaze alone, biting his lower lip. The suggestive wink Even gives him as he runs his hands up along Isak’s thighs goes straight to Isak’s crotch, making him want to crush his lips to Even’s as if to eat him alive. But he forces himself to go slow, wanting to savour this moment.

 

Isak slinks his arms over Even’s shoulders and leans their foreheads together, breathing Even in. He smells of self-made pizza and beer, which should be a turn-off but it just reminds Isak of the amazing evening they’ve just spent with their friends.

 

Finally, Even has obviously had enough. With an impatient groan, he pulls Isak in by the hips and presses his mouth to Isak’s. Moaning into the kiss, Isak cups the back of Even’s neck with one hand and spreads his legs wider to make more room for his boyfriend.

 

Even moves even closer, aligning their hips just right and Isak moans loudly when he feels how hard they both are already.

 

“Bed,” he gasps against Even’s lips in between kisses, and Even nods but doesn’t move right away. In true Even fashion, he kisses Isak’s forehead, nose, lips and cheeks before moving back and taking his hand.

 

“Damn it, I want you,” Even whispers, his piercing blue eyes staring right into Isak’s soul. Isak still doesn’t quite know how to react when Even states his desire for him this openly, without a hint of hesitation. It’s not that Isak doesn’t believe that it’s true, but it takes his breath away how honest, how truly real Even is.

 

Instead of replying, Isak squeezes Even hand and leads him out of the living room, almost breaking into a run once they’re in the hall.

 

Afterwards, they’re lying in Isak’s bed, facing each other with their noses touching, smiling into kisses and drawing patterns onto each other’s skin.

 

“I’m so fucking happy with you,” Even whispers eventually, cupping Isak’s face with one hand. The words run down Isak’s spine like warm honey and he leans in to slot their lips together, splaying his hand on Even’s neck.

 

“You make me the happiest I’ve ever been,” he breathes against Even’s lips then, his heart skipping a beat when he feels Even’s pulse speeding up under his fingers.

 

Even’s bright smile makes Isak feel like he can fly. “We’re really cheesy, you know?” he remarks then, making Isak scoff.

 

“We deserve to be, given how we started,” Isak states, pressing another kiss to Even’s lips.

 

Even nods slowly, his smile soft and encouraging. “After all _that_ , we can do anything.”

 

It should feel too cheesy to even say it. But by now, Isak has learned that nothing he can say is ever too cheesy for Even. So he hardly even blushes when he shuffles a little closer to Even until he feels his boyfriend’s heartbeat against his own. He looks into Even’s eyes, those soft sky blue eyes full of love and kisses the tip of his nose.

 

“Anything with you and anything for you, Even. That sounds like a stupid movie title, but it’s fucking true.”

 

Even sighs happily and bumps Isak’s nose with his own. “I’ll make that movie one day, I promise.”

 

And even if that movie is never made, Isak knows he won’t care. He already got his happy ending, in a way he never expected. But by now, Isak believes he deserves it, and that is worth more than all the money or fame in the world.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are always much appreciated, no matter how short. Or come talk to me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) via ask or message, I would love to know what you think of this mess :-)


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